The Drip Finally Stopped

I loved this! It felt very real and honest. It made me feel sorry for the the speaker that someone hurt and tried to change them like this They tried so hard for this person who doesn't seem to care about them in any positive way. This hit me right in that soul spot. I really connected with what you said I've gone through something similar and this really put's those hard feelings into words in a real and eloquent way. This part really resonated with me,
"I'm sorry for hurting you.

-

(even though I did nothing wrong.

All I did was be myself

and you didn't like that self so you tried to change me.

And when you saw that you could not change me,

you tried to drive me away.

And now you hate me.)

-

I could talk about my truth forever.

You wouldn't believe how many nights I have tried to imagine

what your truth is.

You are the thought that enters my mind during meditation,

what I am told to focus on,

only for a moment,

before blowing you away as I exhale."

Anyways I hope you have a wonderful day you are a great writer xoxo - GrHinds

I stumbled across this poem while browsing, and I know it's a little late for a comment or review, but I had to say something. I relate to this poem on such a deep level that I nearly cried. And while I can tell from the poem that our experiences are slightly different, I feel the same exact way. This writing spoke to me in such an unfathomably personal way. So many lines sound like my exact thoughts. Thank you for sharing this, I felt seen. <3

There are a lot of different ideas and things touched on here, so I first want to pull out some lines that struck me and then look at those broader ideas.

The truth is, if you ever feel bad,

I believe you will say something like this:

-

I think it is time that we made up.

I think this makes for a very good opening, showing us the type of person we’re talking about, one who wouldn’t say they’re sorry but instead put the onus on you to agree to move on from your pain.

You are also the last person I prayed for,

the last one I cried about,

and the last person I tried so hard to love

over

and

over again.

I really really enjoyed the line saying they are the last person you prayed for. I love a good religious imagery/tie in so I would have liked another line expanding on that, why you stopped praying, when in the relationship that was, if you still feel the urge to pray. But this clearly wasn’t as important in the story you want to tell as I would have liked (I’m just a little freak for religious imagery).

Saying they were the last person you tried to love over and over again was something that definitely needed to be said, I’m not sure what it is that I just don’t feel that this has the impact that it should. It’s important to the story, it’s important to your emotions, but perhaps because it’s a bit cliched of formatting, or because it’s a very literal way of saying you tried so hard to love them. Even still this was the stanza that stood out to me the most and that I really enjoyed.

I would have liked more integration of the drip analogy earlier on. I’ll just post the stanza since I have a few thoughts about it:


The drip finally stopped,

when your hatred froze me.

I became too solid to move

and I fell

and smashed.

(And sometimes I wish you would step on those shards.)

This is all incredibly subjective, and I want to reiterate I really enjoyed the poem and think you’re a wonderful writer, these are just the things that came to my mind. “When your hatred froze me I became to solid to move” rather than just hatred I would like another aspect of how they were “cold” to you, the familiar cold look, the icy way you treated me finally froze the generous drips of me I gave.
I like the falling and smashing as imagery for being frozen from a liquid, becoming sharp and dangerous as long as the cold lingered, I would have liked something that tied into the thought of wishing they would step on the shards, I fell and smashed into shard that I wish you would try to put together and cut yourself on, or something to the effect that you became dangerous by their fault and you wish they’d see the repercussions.

On first glance I thought the bit saying you would forgive them if they apologized undermined the beginning, especially since you established they wouldn’t apologize in the first place. But it gives the stanza another meaning, you won’t apologize but if you did I’d forgive you (or at least say I did). Because an apology would have to come from someone willing to hear the person you’ve become.

The final thing I want to say is once a teacher told me if something needs to be put in parentheses then it’s often not important enough to include. I hated hearing that! I was a very avid Lemony Snicket fan and that made loves his asides and parentheses and interjections. But that advice did make me notice a lot more when I used those techniques, and often I would rework it into something more powerful, that sounded less like I was afraid/unsure to say the thing. I think everything you’ve said is important information and important enough to be said outright. And perhaps it’s just because I received that criticism in formative years that it stuck with me, but I don’t think k anything said needs to be an aside or parenthetical.

These are all my very subjective opinions and you did so much well that I feel like I am cruelly nitpicking but! It’s because I enjoyed this as a piece of literature and I have a lot to say!
Good work. I can’t wait to read what else you publish!

is this ellie poetry i see? have a short early morning review by herb!

~☆First Impression☆~
i always love seeing your works, and this is no different! wuch a great poetry you've made here. A few lines that stuck out to me were:

Recently, I wondered what I would say to you,

if you ever apologize to me.

It feels impossible to imagine a world

where you feel sorry.

You are the person I mentioned during therapy.

You are the focus of my mental health walks.

You are the last friend I had before I became friendless.

You are the first person who I have felt

everything

and nothing for.

And then I will tell you about the person

I have learned to be.

(If you even listen.)