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Thank you so much for reading my poem. I really appreciate you being here! <33
I cry,
Spoiler
Staring at the same stars you see, right now.
The constellations we tried to name.
The lights which lit every kiss.
I see,
Dots like freckles, like paint brushes.
And every word I wanted to say, but didn't say.
Until time betrayed me (and gave me roses).
I sob,
Because every song makes my chest heavy,
Not from your embrace.
Did I even cross your mind?
I know,
Wrong person, wrong time,
But still, stars an audience to my tears.
You see the same sky, right now.
I'm new on here so this may not be the best comment but I really like the way that you use imagery, and outside perspectives, to convey your emotions. Also the constant celestial theme is really cool, and makes your poem align extremely well!
Hi!! This is a beautiful poem. I feel that the narrator is somehow doing more than just remembering the other person, but also connecting to them again by looking at the sky. I love the sky imagery and the mood of the whole poem is nostalgic to me. This is my favourite line “Staring at the same stars you see, right now” and I love how it’s repeated in the last stanza too. And maybe this is not what you meant to imply, but I kind of felt like the narrator was writing this because they wanted the stars who are “an audience to my tears” to deliver that message to the other person and ask what the narrator really wants to hear “Did I even cross your mind?”
I hope you find my opinion helpful!
The line “Until time betrayed me (and gave me roses)” Does is it mean that the giving of the roses IS the betrayal, or does it mean that while it betrayed, it gave roses along with it? This seems to me to be about how hardships and happiness come together, and about how there’s a beauty in the grief.
The first lines of each stanza, does the sequence also mean something? That first the narrator cries, then sees and it makes them cry harder but at the end they know? Am I overthinking? But at the start of the last stanza, the “I know” does seem to suggest a feeling of resignation, and it is a great ending because it feels like an ending.
I’m reading one of your poems after a really long time, and this makes me as emotional as your poetry always does
Ahh! Ellie!!! Why does your poetry have to be so beautiful??! I bet you couldn't even write a bad poem if you tried. --
What I love about your poems is the simple beauty. It doesn't have to be complicated to have so much meaning, even when I can't understand that meaning. XD For example, the simple repetition and rhythm of the first lines of each stanza is amazing and it adds so much to the way the poem feels and the overall smooth way it reads.
Ooh and the imagery?? The whole stars and sky motif is wonderful, but I particularly like this line:
Like !!! how do you come up with such simple, and yet beautifully vivid imagery?
I absolutly love the last line. It brings everything together from the first stanza, and it just has a beautiful concept that I absolutly love every time I find it: that we're all looking at the same sky. And how the second (kind of first?) line is so similar yet so different to the last?? "You see" and "right now". I love how they both say basically the same thing, but they have such different meanings when you go from the beginning to the end of the poem. You really are a master with words, aren't you Ellie?
There are a few lines that I can tell have a lot of meaning to you (and probably other people) but I don't really understand them.* (Because understand meaning behind stuff has always been a struggle. XD)
*Not that it's bad not to understand; what I'm really trying to say is this is a transition into what I interpret them to be and also I'm asking (if you're willing and comfortable to share) what they mean to you.
To me, this means that time can be both loving and awful. It can betray you, but it can also give you something sweet. Or maybe the thing that is sweet will betray you later on. Or it will try to disguise itself after doing something bad and give you something sweet like roses.
Okay at first I didn't understand this because my brain was reading it grammatically incorrect and so I was like, what??? Maybe I'm still reading it wrong I dunno XD but it seems like it means "stars are an audience to my tears", as if they are the ones watching you in your saddest moments. Assuming this is the correct interpretation, I love how it connects to the last line, too. How the stars see you crying, and how the person referred to as "you" can see them too, but maybe they don't know.
Like seriously, at first glance your poems are amazing, but when you dig deeper into the meanings they make that much more beauty. (Even if they're not accurate they're still fun to think about and theorize about, and personally that's what I like about poetry.
Thank you for sharing! Take anything from this review you find helpful and forget the rest! This is your poetry after all. Please have the awesomest day, and I can't wait to read more poetry! Keep writing, friend!