As a child,
you were broken with brutality,
but you are still
strong enough to stand.
-
Frightened with fierceness,
but you are as gentle as
the autumn wind.
-
All you knew was chaos and corruption,
but you kept your eyes on redemption
renewal and regrowth.
-
You knew that no one could take away your pain.
You learned to live like
every day was your last.
-
You hate yourself more than
you hate anyone in the world.
Because every time you mess up,
you fail at being the one person
who you thought you could trust.
-
You are willing to die for your own sins,
and carry the cross of your enemies,
and still, you smile.
Secretly, you cry.
-
You can't ask for help,
because you have always been the helper.
-
You deserve a love that is deeper than the ocean.
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello, I would like to start by saying this is very a strong poem. You have some very strong imagery hence Autumn Winds but I wish we got to see a little more. Perhaps you could have added little moments to show the effects like being in your room and mentally beating yourself up or eating alone ( Of course I don't know the backstory of this piece.) but I feel that would heighten the emotion of this poem and it pop. Regardless I enjoyed it very much and love the themes you trying to convey as it is very soft without stripping it of the anger people can feel growing up or living like this.
Keep it up.
Hiii!
I'm not exaggerating when I say I savoured every sentence of this poem. The feelings you talk about are so real and personal to me. At first, you talk about how the world is chaotic and corrupt. And if goodness still exists, it's rare. The first few lines are about how life diminishes the innocence that everyone is born with. It's also about a need to be good enough, maybe to be perfect. Because you have to put on a happy face for others, while you're not happy inside, and you don't know how to be happy.
And the finish is perfect.
"You deserve a love that is deeper than the ocean."
Hello, Ellie! Wist here with a review. I am so excited to review something from you. This poem demonstrates a powerful feeling that hit me straight in the feels. The tone, the writing, the message. My heart is crying, Ellie. With that said, let's get into it.
These lines. These lines, Ellie. This evokes such a deep feeling of holding yourself to a higher standard because you're so afraid of becoming what hurt you in the past. It's written so simply yet packs the punch of a god. It's so beautiful, Ellie.
Again, her Ellie. The self-sacrifice. The burying your emotions because you don't feel worth the trouble. The need to be perfect because any step in the wrong direction means you are an evil, terrible person, but everyone is allowed to mess up. How did you write this so perfectly?
Once again, you further create this tragic character, adding more depictions of self-sacrifice and holding yourself to a different standard. You use your theme so well, and it paints a deeply evocative picture of how abuse can forever taint your view of yourself.
And this is it—the final nail on this depression rollercoaster. I keep talking about how sad and punchy these lines are, but this line alone paints your poem in a different light. The speaker is an outsider who wants the subject of this poem to escape this harsh cycle, which makes this poem so beautiful. It's one thing to discuss the effects of abuse, but it's another entirely to want to love someone through it. It speaks of hope beyond the pain right now, the idea that someday the subject may be the helped and can cry in front of someone.
All in all, Ellie, this is the beautiful writing I have come to associate with you. The meaning is deep and relevant, and the story of love and hope behind it is lovely. Thank you for writing this poem. I'm glad I could read it, and I hope you continue writing poems like this.
Happy Writing!
Wist