Young Writers Society

About this poem: (Mentions suicide)

I have an idea for a painting that I want to do. I see it so clearly in my mind. It is a painting called "I Still Died For You" that depicts Jesus still loving Judas on the cross and as Judas ended his life. I have been writing poetry that focusses on different suicides in the Bible (something I have been fascinated with recently) and this is the first poem I did, focussing a bit on Judas. If my artistic abilities ever permit me, I would love to make this a painting. So instead I use what I can, my words, and tried to paint a bit of the scene here.

Hello hello I hope you dont mind me popping with a quick review. I will apologize that this might be a shorter one. However, I do hope that I can at least brighten your day since you always work so hard here. With that being said I should stop rambling. Let's get into it, shall we?

Overall I love this piece even if I am not that much of a religious person. Your tone in this reminds me of classical literature with thick biblical themes. I will admit that I might be a bit biased as I find the myths and figures around the bible endlessly interesting. Although it's a very short poem it plays with interesting themes, Shame and perceived sins.

The imagery and characters used worked so well with the voice in this. I honestly wish you dived in more you could play with the idea of original sin and still loving those you hurt. From the backstory you gave below, you were focused more on Judas but I feel you could make a good parallel to Eve. We always focus on the sin and curse of blood but never on what happened after other than their children.

What guilt would she cling to or would she stand by her choice? I feel this could add a layer of depth as in a way temptation is the " death " of paradise much like trust being shattered.

Sorry for the ramble I'm a bit scattered-brained right now so it might not make much sense. The only thing I would improve would be having a text version somewhere to make quoting easier. However, that's less about the poem and more about reviewing.

Regardless I adore this poem and I hope you're doing well mentally. We're here for you if needed. As always keep creating and remember to drink water!

( It would be a shame for such a talented poet to be dehydrated, water helps the words flow.)

Wow, Ellie! This is a great poem!

I think this poem is very relatable in terms of how we carry around sins. I also love the references to Eve and Judas. This is a great poem. I just wished it would have been longer. I see nothing you can improve on this. The grammar was amazing, the story was amazing, and the emotions were strong. Thanks for putting this on YWS!

-Serrurie

<3