Young Writers Society

Hello there! Hope you’re having a nice day, just popped by to share my thoughts.

What drew me to this poem, first and foremost, was the way it is so quietly raw; emotional without being obtrusive or vague. The analogy with language added a dimension to the whole thing… communicating the relief of understanding and being understood, the immediate sense of association and belonging that comes with being able to talk without the pressures of translation. The way the free verse allows the reader to pause to breathe, digest, and absorb, allowed for a reading experience akin to floating on the surface of a twilight ocean. Calm and still and centred.

I loved the way you presented light and dark as two sides of the same coin. Polar experiences that nonetheless coexist with each other harmoniously – a communication of the fact that the mind cannot be at peace without both moments of movement and stillness. There is a hope to it, too, that resonated deep in the heart and, when I read it, at least, flooded my chest with warmth. The idea that, yes, the world is vast, alien and often hard to navigate, but it is still ultimately possible to find islands of support, recognition, understanding.

The only thing I would perhaps point out – not necessarily as a fault… more as an unnecessary complication – would be the use of italics. While I understand the way they are used here to further establish the language analogy as the centre point of the poem, considering the way it is mentioned at the very beginning before anything else, is further established in the rest of the first stanza, and is then brought back at the very end as a symbolic end to the figurative circle of meaning, I find it unnecessary to more or less force the reader to read the verses (that mention language directly) in a different manner. For me, at least, it was an unnecessary disturbance in the flow of the poem.

(I am but one silly person of course. Take my criticisms with a pound of salt.)

This is, however, mostly just a nitpick. The poem as a whole was a wonderfully pleasant read, and I thank you for sharing this with the world.

I’ll leave you here, then. Enjoy the rest of your week and the weekend, and, as always, happy writing!
The Blob.

This is absolutely beautiful! Firstly, I love the way it flows. The different stanza's develop the speaker's feelings very naturally and fluently, it makes the story progress naturally.

Secondly, I absolutely love how you mention stars and light! Stars are so alone out in the universe, and humans are always reaching for them - this is reflected beautifully in the poem in that the speaker is reaching out for companionship and understanding.

Thirdly, I love the double meaning. This could be taken at face value, or deeper where this foreign language isn't a specific language, but a love language or just general understanding - when the speaker finds someone who speaks their language, they find someone who understands them; their language, and their mind. Absolutely beautiful, very well written!

Wow this is really gorgeously written! I am not sure if this is the intended interpretation, but what I got from it was a really lovely tale of a since gone, first love. It seems like the narrator is reminiscing about the person they first felt understood them on a deeper and more personal level. It beautifully shows how something or someone that was important once can still touch your life even if they are no longer in it; how you can miss someone and keep them in your heart (shown in the thinking of them when hearing crickets at a campfire) but still be able to move on without bitterness. I say 'move on' because of the recurrent use of "first", if the narrator had not moved on perhaps they would say "only", but rather they say first which implies that there has since been another or maybe more. If this is the case, I think it could be cool to see come comparison with the other(s) with whom the narrator has felt those things. How are those feelings different or same? Perhaps some lesson learned from the first has helped shape the following relationship(s). Maybe the non specificity of anything following the first lover is intentional as it does create a more melancholy tone and perhaps was intended to leave the reader wondering (as it did for me). Regardless, this is absolutely beautifully written.
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

xoxo

This is so beautiful! It paints such a vivid picture, and the nostalgia, the blooming love represented in phrases like "the glow in the dark stars that my dad plastered on the ceiling really invokes deep feelings. Keep doing what you do best, i love this!