The Difference Between You and a Poem

Hey Ellie! Hope you're feeling better now, sending lots of health your way. Today I'm picking up this poem of yours for completing The Checklist Challenge. Hope you don't mind, let's get into the review~

I have become the girl who you wanted me to be.
I have twisted myself,
contorted my mind and the way I think,

An intense start! Just the fact that the narrator had to change herself to be loved by their partner is problematic in itself, but the fact that she had to 'twist' her own sanity for it is even more disturbing. I'm curious if she did it upon being asked to, or she was so desperate for love that she'd do just about anything to ensure it..

you see as worthy of a smile.

So the partner didn't think she deserved a smile before. I wonder if this means the narrator was a distinguished, serious and practical person before, and simplified herself to be more amiable. A little bit like dumbing herself down so that he can perhaps get over his jealousy for her success. Most men don't like women more capable than them- I like how beautifully you've captured that concept.

you will never make me happy again.

I like the absolute tone here. She knows that he's beyond changing and all that he's done cannot be taken back. But I also like the implication that he used to make her happy before. I do think it would've been nice having those flashback scenes too. Did something really go south in their relationship or the partner was merely putting on an act and the narrator fell for his lies?

I wake up earlier than you now,
after you teased me for getting the sleep I needed.

I.. am speechless at this. How a simple taunt can affect someone so deeply that they sacrifice their health is terrifying. It makes me wonder- the partner is definitely wrong for having done so, but is the narrator also overreacting? It seems like one of those doomed couples- one doesn't think before speaking and the other thinks over it again and again until they go mad.

The difference between you and a poem
is that poetry breaks me,
in ways I need to be broken.
You broke me.

The hook of the poem, surely the most impactful lines! The italics of the last line- I can sense the shift in tone. There's a certain vulnerability to it that pulls at my heartstrings. Outdid yourself with this one, Ellie! However, I do think it could've used just a little more clarity. We get a description of how a poem breaks the narrator, why not extend the same of the lover who broke her?

you remind me of my mother.
You remind me of how felt,
when I was too small to fight,
too small to hide,
too small to escape,

This backstory of the narrator's mommy issues growing up really amplifies their traumatic relationship experience. She can take care of herself now but feeling the resemblance of that toxic love, her defense systems shut down as she's thrown down a spiral of the past. Powerful imagery!

so all I could do was endure.
The enduring made me strong,
but it also broke every part of who I could have been.

Kind of like 'I was a child- I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be loved.'
Survival through tough times is commendable, but sometimes we get so used to it that even when the times are right, we forget to thrive. Love how simply you put it.

You broke every part of me that loved to laugh,
and I have become a victim of my abuse too.

I guess that's the chief complaint- he made her hate herself. No self loving person would've fallen this far- this much is for sure. So while the lover may have broken her, I don't think she cared enough about herself to try to piece herself back together. A snake may bite you, but the responsibility to suck out its venom lies on youself.

praying that the future makes better choices.

I like the hopeful tone here- how there's a chance that the future holds better days owning to the narrator's improved judgement. Nothing's promised as of now, but this subtle acknowledgement that she made a mistake choosing this partner is everything.

You broke every part of me that was proud of myself for trying,

Shattering, I feel like this compliments the hook verse incredibly well. Perhaps it'd work best if you moved it there instead?

all I have learned to feel is hatred for the spell you put me under.

The spite the narrator feels is so prominent here, no wonder that the hate seeps into the way she sees herself as well. I get this feeling that he was this manipulative person who made her change everything about herself until she began to resent him for it. She realised it all too late, and her naïve self was long dead by then.

How easily you make others think you are someone else,
but on the inside, I am not confident that you are even human.

Ah, another nod to their controlling and pretense behavior. For someone to be so cold that you question if they have a human soul- it's such a painful idea.

They say we all look the same on the inside,
but I have lost faith in a God who I know loves you too.

Ellieeee what a line to end with! The hate for this lover has made her so bold and unafraid that she has abandoned her faith since He made this human that broke her. It begs the question- does God really love His children that end up doing horrible things? Those who do wrong by others and spread hate- are they actually just as loved as Him as all others? It puts into perspective a lot of things, digging into the dilemmas of existence.

All in all, this unrefined poem really called out to me. There's a raw aching that the narrator flaunts, accusing the lover of destroying them. Her only fault was being emotional- something that he exploited. One critique I'd offer is that the piece somewhat lacked coherency. There is just a lot going on and the comparison between a poem and the lover is not carried throughout. This poem might've been even more impactful if it featured a single imagery and expanded on it layer by layer. Still, it was a great read and it was my pleasure reviewing it. Thank you for sharing and keep writing! Until next time~

Love, Alex

Heya Aliah! Incoming review!

OOF this one hits like a truck. It's been a while since I've read a poem and physically recoiled at the reality of the emotions being written about. Very well done. On to the review!

I'll start with critiques.

There wasn't much in terms of style choices that would elevate the poem because this feel distinctly you. The only big thing I could find was in this stanza:

You remind me of how felt,

when I was too small to fight,

I believe you meant to say "You remind me of how I felt...". It's a simple typo you can fix.

Maybe also with the last line, the emotion of losing faith in an all-merciful God would be interwoven for an even bigger punch at the end. But that's just a suggestion.

Anyway, let me praise this glorious work!

There was one stanza in particular that made me pause and take a breath.

The difference between you and a poem

is that poetry breaks me,

in ways I need to be broken.

You broke me.

Just wow. I've experienced this exact feeling before. It is just a beautiful distinction and the reality and weight of it was a perfect addition to the poem.

The whole theme was marvelous as well. Finding someone who treats you just as terribly as an old abuser is truly one of the worst feelings in the world. I know you write a lot of your poetry off of experience, and if this is one of those too, I truly feel the same in many ways. Being reduced to the person you are when you were first abused in so scary, and I send you my condolences <3

The enduring made me strong,

but it also broke every part of who I could have been.

This reminds me of the adage, "Just because you can endure something does not mean you had to withstand it." I hope writing that yourself was healing in some way. Just all the airing out of feelings and validation of your past circumstances was so powerful and I enjoyed reading it.

But that's all I have for today. Sorry, it wasn't more constructive. The subject matter itself just hit me where it hurts, so I wanted to praise you for that. This one hit me in the good way. But please have a good day, and I'll see you next time. Anyway, byeeeeeeeeee<333