z

Young Writers Society



Children with Stars in their Veins (Chapter 11)

by mellifera


a/n: hey, thanks for checking out Starry Veins! This is the novel I wrote for Round V of LMS, and it's still a first draft! While I don't discourage any feedback, I prefer not to receive feedback on grammar! I'm not polishing this draft up yet, so I'm not as concerned about editing. I am, of course, open to all feedback, but I ask that you keep this in consideration! Thanks <3

*

[Rowan]

“Why am I even here?”

Rowan eyed Cassius beside them, and then made it a point to look between Ember and Alanna. Cassius didn’t even glance over. They sighed.

“Because I needed help,” they said. Then, after a moment, said, “And because you haven’t left the citadel since Belle and Stormy left and it’s not healthy for you. Besides, it’s so nice out! It’s warm enough to wear lighter layers now. I’ve been waiting for this kind of weather forever.” They opted not to mention how miserable Cassius had been since the dragon’s death was announced.

To make their point, since they now had everyone’s attention, they twirled around. The cloak they were donning flared around their legs, the feather lining making it look almost like a bird’s wings. Isadora had helped to make it after they’d collected a bunch of feathers lying around, and it was one of their favourites.

“I can’t believe you found that many feathers that weren’t broken,” Ember said.

“I have to been out of the citadel,” Cassius said, and then let out something that might have been a groan or a sigh. “Do you realise how much crossbow and archery training I’ve been put through? My arms are going to fall off, Ori. The situation’s dire.”

They snorted at the same time Ember did, rolling their eyes as they pulled their cloak back to their side, so it hugged them.

“Well, are you any good?” Alanna asked.

Cassius shrugged. “Does it matter? What’ll I ever do with it?”

As soon as Alanna glanced downwards, Rowan’s stomach twisted. And then, sure enough, she said, “Mishal was really good at archery.”

Ember put an arm over Alanna’s shoulders and sent a glare towards Cassius, daring him to say something. He kicked a rock instead and pretended like he hadn’t heard.

At first, after Alanna had picked up the habit of saying “Mishal was this” or “Mishal was good at that”, they had tried to avoid mentioning anything he might have been good at. Or, rather, “they” meaning everyone but Cassius.

But with Mishal being the one of them who was apparently good at everything, the plan quickly fell apart.

The rest of the walk to the village, which wasn’t about three minutes at most, was quiet. Rowan suspected that Ma sending them out for new saplings to plant near the front staircase was mostly to get them out of the citadel so they couldn’t stew.

And honestly, anything to feel useful and also get the others out of the Citadel so they wouldn’t be moping was an opportunity to leap at.

As they approached the centre of the village, the sound of music echoed through the air. They straightened and hurried forward with the others close in pursuit.

There were three people by the fountain, basked in rays of sunlight. Each one was playing a different instrument, one a harp, one a pan flute, and one was singing. There were a few other instruments laying off to the side, carefully arranged so they were not damaged by the small crowd that had gathered to listen.

They ushered the others over to the front of the little gathering to watch the procession, heart skipping in their chest. Alanna or Cassius might have protested, but they didn’t hear if they had.

When the song ended, a slow and nostalgic sounding piece, the one who had been singing broke off from the other two and approached.

Rowan knew her. Lira. She lived in the village, but often came to the citadel for music lessons, since they had better acoustics.

“Rowan!” Lira greeted, and then waved at Ember, Cassius, and Alanna as well. Then she grinned. “Come on. We’ve been playing sad songs all morning, I’m itching to play something fun. We’ve got a violin.”

“As if you needed to convince me,” they laughed.

They turned towards the others before Lira could pull them away. Ember gave them a thumbs up and even Cassius had the workings of a smile. Alanna looked unaffected by the cheer around her, but she didn’t look unhappy either, which was about one of the best moods she’d been in lately.

Lira guided them over to their other instruments, snatching a lute off the ground beside the violin. They’d played on it a few times, which meant they were at least familiar with it.

They picked it up and plucked each string. Lira snorted. “It’s already tuned,” she said.

But they wanted to hear it anyway. She was right, it was already tuned, although the A string was enough off to notice. Probably the changing weather. They tightened the bow string and slid it across a lump of rosin that Lira handed them, then quickly readjusted the pegs so all four strings were attuned to each other.

Lira gave them an easy, upbeat fiddle piece, one of the earlier pieces they’d learned, and they suspected it was for convenience on their end. They did only have so many songs memorised, so they appreciated the gesture.

They hadn’t gotten much of a chance for practising after the expedition, from helping Ma get ready for the farming season and sometimes needing a reprieve from the looming weight of Isadora and Mishal not being around. It would be nice, if only for a little while, to do so.

As the others got ready, they shed their cloak so as not to impede their bow arm. They were glad to have chosen a form-fitting long-sleeved shirt with simple bird embroidery and their high-waisted trousers. The other choice had been billowing sleeves, and that would have been distracting. At least, for not having a chance to practise recently.

They pulled their hair over their right shoulder so it didn’t get caught on the violin, and fixed their feather beret so the sunlight reached their face.

And then they started. The bright, fast tone filled the centre as before, and soon, the small crowd that had gathered to watch was dancing all together. Ember had grabbed Alanna. Probably a little forcibly, but Alanna was soon smiling with her. Cassius was twirling with a pretty girl wearing a pink dress with cropped black hair and smooth, dark brown skin. They were both laughing.

The bow skittered over the fingerboard a few times, leaving a small dusting of the rosin powder on the black surface. Correcting the bow to be centred was still a work in progress in their lessons.

They ran through two more pieces before Rowan knew they really should be getting back to the task at hand. The crowd was still lingering, everyone looking half-dazed by the music.

As they handed back the violin, they bade Lira goodbye, and collected their cloak.

They found Ember and Alanna sitting on the other side of the fountain with Lady Sylvania.

“Hello Sylvania,” they said, sitting beside her. “How’s the day treating you?”

“If the seasons would hurry up and stay warm for a while, it’d be doing an old lady some favours,” she grumbled. She reached out to pat Rowan’s hand. “You look very stunning today, as always, little songbird.”

“Rowan was just playing with the others, on the violin,” Ember said proudly, as if announcing an accomplishment she had done. “Did you hear the music?”

Sylvania smiled. “I did. It was very nice.”

“Thank you,” they said, warmth filling their chest. Then they leaned forward to glance between Ember and Alanna. “Where’s Cassius?”

Ember pointed past them and they turned. Cassius was to the side of the main thoroughfare around the fountain, talking to the girl he had been dancing with. His cheeks were rosy, and he was smiling.

“The other pretty one,” Sylvania said, distractedly.

Alanna frowned. “But he’s a boy,” she said. “Is he that pretty?”

Cassius ducked his head as the girl gave him a quick hug and then pattered off. He approached them with a shy smile. Ember sprung off the side of the fountain and met him in front of the others. She grabbed his cheeks, pinched them, and turned to grin at Alanna while Cassius stared at her in confusion.

“Look at him, Lana. He’s a pretty boy.” Ember patted Cassius’ cheek. “Isn’t that right?”

Alanna considered him, and then her entire demeanour fell. “Stormy was pretty,” she said.

They all sighed.

“Well, I’ve got to get back home, or Elsie will start fussing that I’ve gotten lost or hurt,” Sylvania said. Ember hurried over and offered an arm to help Sylvania stand. “Thank you. I don’t know what she’s in such a tussle about. These walks help get the blood flowing, you know?”

As Sylvania set off towards the residential end of the village, Cassius said, “Huh. Hey, Ori, how much do you know about truebloods?”

They tilted their head. “They’re pre-destined leaders of each of the kingdoms. They have special blood with magical properties to which the extent of hasn’t been discovered yet by those who have tried to research it. Why?”

“Why are they pre-destined?” Alanna asked.

Rowan ran his hands along the feathers on his cloak. “I’m not sure anyone knows, but if they do, nobody here does or has resources on it. Honestly, I don’t know that much about it. Only that the kingdoms that lost their trueblooded rulers, well.” They made a crumbling motion with their hand. “Those are all the kingdoms that lost their trueblood rulers, and then their ruin came soon after.”

“Why?” Alanna asked, face screwing up.

“No idea.” They sighed, glancing at their hands in their lap. “That’s why it would have been so cool to go on the expedition to the ruins.”

Cassius sat beside them on the fountain, and Ember took the space between them and Alanna that Sylvania had been formerly occupying.

“So… kingdoms not having their trueblooded rulers or whatever. Not good?” Cassius asked. He sounded like he’d swallowed something wrong.

“Very not good,” they agreed.

“Huh,” Cassius repeated. “So, listen. Remember that council meeting I said I happened to accidentally overhear?”

Alanna frowned. “You eavesdropped on a council meeting? That’s bad!”

“Yeah, it is,” Cassius said dismissively. “Margaretta mentioned the truebloods, but I didn’t really think about it. It’s not like there’s a class about truebloods, and Marita only mentioned it a few times. I didn’t think it was that important. I think she mentioned that two of the kingdom’s don’t have a trueblooded heir?”

Their pulse fluttered. “Not important? Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“I did now, yeah, but not before. I was worried about Isa and Mishal!” he said defensively, cheeks flushing. Then he crossed his arms. “I mean, I was worried about Isa, and not Mishal. I’m not worried about Mishal.”

Normally, that would have been perfect material to tease Cassius with. Right now? “I don’t— Why would they be talking about that? Why wouldn’t two of the kingdoms have trueblooded heirs?” They tugged at a feather and regretted it when it loosened from its fastening. Cassius was still muttering about Mishal. “Cassius! That’s like, announcing you knew a devasting earthquake was about to hit two kingdoms and you didn’t think it was important?”

“Why are you so panicked?” Ember asked. “It’s not our problem. Maybe Margaretta announced the expedition to help or something, but what are we going to do about it?” She tugged a lock of his hair. “C’mon, songbird, relax.”

If two trueblooded heirs had recently undergone their blood rituals and failed, maybe the monarchs had reached out to Margaretta to see if they had any resources to help. They were a historian’s guild after all. The expedition made perfect sense that. It must have been the reason they couldn’t have waited for Rowan to get a little older in order to come along.

“Yeah,” they said, and let out a breath. “That’s a really good point. We should probably go pick up those saplings before it gets dark too.”

Ember patted their shoulder. “Right.” She hopped off the fountain again. “Oh, and Cassius? I definitely heard you say you were worried about Mishal, and I’m never letting you live that down.”

Cassius scowled.



word count:

2,022




Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

Donate
Wed Sep 30, 2020 6:47 am
View Likes
Shady wrote a review...



Scribberoni!

Look, if I can get six more reviews done in the next like 22 hours, I get a gold badge. I'm gonna get that badge, right? RIGHT? Here's to trying...

“Why am I even here?”


Mood.

Rowan eyed Cassius beside them,


Nothing is wrong with this so feel free to disregard, but this was a little confusing to me until I read it several times. Like, Rowan is nb, uses they/them pronouns, totally cool -- but in situations where things COULD be plural, like this, it really confuses me lol I was like who else was with them, I thought Cassius was just by Rowan, not -- oh. OH. xD So little thing, and in most of the cases it's really clear when you're referring to Rowan vs the collective "they" but this sentence confused me a bit so might be worth rephrasing eventually?

The rest of the walk to the village, which wasn’t about three minutes at most, was quiet.


It wasn't about three minutes, huh? That's oddly specific xD Well it WASN'T about three minutes, that much is SURE.

Each one was playing a different instrument, one a harp, one a pan flute, and one was singing.


It's weird that you describe each one as playing a different instrument but in the very same sentence say that one is singing rather than playing an instrument?

They tightened the bow string and slid it across a lump of rosin


Wouldn't you slide the rosin over the bow, not the bow over the resin? Just imagining a really funny scene of like awkwardly trying to move a bow over this teeny tiny stationary lump of resin rather than just moving the resin.

As they handed back the violin, they bade Lira goodbye, and collected their cloak.


This is a lotta pronouns in a single sentence xD They they their. I suggest rephrasing to get rid of some of them so this flows smoother. Maybe something like "They handed back the violent and bade Lira goodbye then collected their cloak" or something? That's still two but it's not three repetitions in the same sentence.

“I mean, I was worried about Isa, and not Mishal. I’m not worried about Mishal.”


Mhmm, sure you're not, Cassius. I TOTALLY believe you. <3

~ ~ ~

Good chapter! I really like the... what's the word? Dramatic irony? that you're building here. It's very much making me as a reader be like AHA I UNDERSTAND something that they don't know, so I'm liking the, uh, omniscient point of view here. This is shaping into a really nice story and I'm super excited to see where you take this! Your little chapter bios are getting more and more enticing now that I'm trying to get caught up. "Cassius uses his dagger" ON MISHAL?! WHERE IS CASSIUS NOW THAT HE'S STABBING PEOPLE? And *CASSIUS* -- are we talking about the same cass? gah. I need to know. Guess I'll read on ;)

~Shady 8)




mellifera says...


YOU'RE GONNA GET THE GOLD SHADY I BELIEVE IN YOU

Wouldn't you slide the rosin over the bow, not the bow over the resin? Just imagining a really funny scene of like awkwardly trying to move a bow over this teeny tiny stationary lump of resin rather than just moving the resin.


idk, I've always slid my bow over the rosin like I was bowing on it. I never paid attention to how other people did it, but that's what I did!

Your little chapter bios are getting more and more enticing now that I'm trying to get caught up. "Cassius uses his dagger" ON MISHAL?!


:eyes:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOU REVIEW YOU'RE WONDERFUL <333 big appreciation for u



User avatar
465 Reviews


Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Donate
Tue Sep 22, 2020 11:23 pm
View Likes
starlitmind wrote a review...



HI.

“Why am I even here?”


Why are we all here :c ...

“I have to been out of the citadel,” Cassius said


I'm not really sure what this is saying. Could just be me though :p

they had tried to avoid mentioning anything he might have been good at.


Aww </3

The rest of the walk to the village, which wasn’t about three minutes at most, was quiet.


I feel like it would be better to say about how long the walk was instead of how long it wasn't. Like it was three minutes at most

Rowan suspected that Ma sending them out for new saplings to plant near the front staircase was mostly to get them out of the citadel so they couldn’t stew.


Haha I forgot stew had another definition, and I was very confused at first... xD

The rest of the walk to the village, which wasn’t about three minutes at most, was quiet. Rowan suspected that Ma sending them out for new saplings to plant near the front staircase was mostly to get them out of the citadel so they couldn’t stew.

And honestly, anything to feel useful and also get the others out of the Citadel so they wouldn’t be moping was an opportunity to leap at.


I've noticed that you love making new paragraphs after a few sentences, but in a lot of a cases, I honestly feel paragraphs could be combined. This is one spot I personally would combine them. Just a thought :)

When the song ended, a slow and nostalgic sounding piece, the one who had been singing broke off from the other two and approached.


I feel that you could describe the music a tiny bit more here! The singer's voice in particular since we're about to meet her c:

They tightened the bow string and slid it across a lump of rosin that Lira handed them, then quickly readjusted the pegs so all four strings were attuned to each other.


VIOLIN <3 does Rowan eat rosin hehe

Ember had grabbed Alanna. Probably a little forcibly


Don't know why I found that quite amusing. Remind me of my sister and myself cx

They ran through two more pieces before Rowan knew they really should be getting back to the task at hand. The crowd was still lingering, everyone looking half-dazed by the music.

As they handed back the violin, they bade Lira goodbye, and collected their cloak.

They found Ember and Alanna sitting on the other side of the fountain with Lady Sylvania.


I feel that it's a rather quick transition from playing the violin to talking with Lady Sylvania

Alanna considered him, and then her entire demeanour fell. “Stormy was pretty,” she said.

They all sighed.


Alanna is so cute. That was sorta funny and cute <3 I feel bad for her

As Sylvania set off towards the residential end of the village, Cassius said, “Huh. Hey, Ori, how much do you know about truebloods?”


A very random, and there, suspicious question... 0.0

I’m not worried about Mishal.”


Cassius is a sweet idiot <3

AND THAT'S IT. Okay, so the Trueblood stuff is getting stirred up! I found it funny how annoyed Rowan got with Cassius xD and all your characters are ADORABLE. They just seem to be a bunch of siblings always quarreling and teasing each other. I lovve the character relationships in this novel <3 I'm getting more into this than I was before!! I hope this helped! :D

Image




mellifera says...


VIOLIN <3 does Rowan eat rosin hehe


the forbidden snack


I'M GOING THROUGH AND TRYING TO REPLY sorry I'm so lazy I've seen all your reviews and I super, super appreciate them!!! I'm so happy you're enjoying this <3 <3 <3



User avatar
4100 Reviews


Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100

Donate
Sat Jun 20, 2020 3:21 am
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Starting off Day 2 of the reviewathon,

First Impression: So we learn some new things. And just a fun scene in general.

Well let's get right to it,

I have to been out of the citadel,” Cassius said, and then let out something that might have been a groan or a sigh.


Okay first of all I think that has to be rephrased. Second, this seems to be directly contradicting the first statement where he seems to not like the fact that he had to go out.

At first, after Alanna had picked up the habit of saying “Mishal was this” or “Mishal was good at that”, they had tried to avoid mentioning anything he might have been good at. Or, rather, “they” meaning everyone but Cassius.


Why are we hearing about this in Chapter 11? This would be more effective if Alanna did this in previous chapters too.

“Rowan!” Lira greeted, and then waved at Ember, Cassius, and Alanna as well. Then she grinned. “Come on. We’ve been playing sad songs all morning, I’m itching to play something fun. We’ve got a violin.”

“As if you needed to convince me,” they laughed.

They turned towards the others before Lira could pull them away. Ember gave them a thumbs up and even Cassius had the workings of a smile. Alanna looked unaffected by the cheer around her, but she didn’t look unhappy either, which was about one of the best moods she’d been in lately.


This is a fun little development.

Cassius was twirling with a pretty girl wearing a pink dress with cropped black hair and smooth, dark brown skin. They were both laughing.


*coughs violently* Sorry about that.

As Sylvania set off towards the residential end of the village, Cassius said, “Huh. Hey, Ori, how much do you know about truebloods?”


Again why is he taking so long to ask all of this?

Their pulse fluttered. “Not important? Didn’t you hear what I just said?”


Wait so Rowan didn't even try to decipher all of this earlier when Cassius first mentioned eavesdropping on the meeting?

“I did now, yeah, but not before. I was worried about Isa and Mishal!” he said defensively, cheeks flushing. Then he crossed his arms. “I mean, I was worried about Isa, and not Mishal. I’m not worried about Mishal.”


The relationship between those two is so far he best one in the novel.

If two trueblooded heirs had recently undergone their blood rituals and failed, maybe the monarchs had reached out to Margaretta to see if they had any resources to help. They were a historian’s guild after all. The expedition made perfect sense that. It must have been the reason they couldn’t have waited for Rowan to get a little older in order to come along.


So the gild is important enough to be on call with the kings and queens. Then why is it so badly protected and seemingly a little low on maintenance.

And that's it for this one.

Overall: This seems like the plot is still revolving around a single point but I can sense a few complications to come soon. And another chapter with some great dialogue.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
1464 Reviews


Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Donate
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:29 pm
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAN ROWAN'S BRAIN IS WORKIN'.

holy cow this was SUCH a great Rowan segment. I super appreciated all the music jargon thrown in there. It made me want to pick up my flute again. Or revisit my NaNo since my MC is a violinist.

ANYWAY.

I love that we learn more of Rowan's talents here. They seem to have really a large skillset, and it's almost sad how overshadowed they are by Mishal who's apparently good at everything. Rowan is creative, intelligent, and free-spirited. They may not have the physical prowess that Mishal has, but they really only ever impress me as the reader how much skill/talent they truly have. It's kind of fun to see Rowan step up more with Mishal and Isadora gone. Also, music just makes SENSE considering how much creativity AND logical thinking it takes to play an instrument well. They clearly attained a certain level of mastery of the instrument and music theory to be able to jump in and play with them, even if it included sight-reading. Sight-reading is a whole skill in and of itself!

We also meet another villager that someone knows! It's wonderful to see that each of the children seem to have their own little circle of friends in the village. Rowan is familiar with Lira, a musician, who seems absolutely sweet. This also is potentially another perspective from a blacksmith or a baker if they ever find need of investigating something with the villagers' help. Basically, it's awesome that we're getting more familiar with the territory and that these children are not as secluded as originally believed.

Also Rowan's wardrobe is just SO SPECTACULAR CAN I JUST

I adore the fact that everyone knows Lady Sylvania. I really feel like this lady's gonna come into play later since she seems to be just a wonderful little nugget of wisdom for these characters. She's also just got this SASS that I absoloutely love. Her comment that Rowan's music was "very nice" almost sounded sarcastic though, like maybe it was too bland or simple a statement. Or it was an automatic response idk IT FELT VERY NORMAL I GUESS. But it didn't matter 'cause Rowan's reaction was adorable and that's all that matters. Clearly the comment was genuine. <3

AND SHE CALLED CASSIUS "the other pretty one" CAN I JUST KEEP HER???

It made me all sorts of happy emotions to see them talk about Cassius and how he's growing up and looks pretty and now he's attracting ladies and I just. they grow up so fast. //sniffs

I actually adore that Cassius met a girl and danced with her and I just. I feel like the girl invited Cassius to dance, pulling him into the circle and just having fun, like she was the forward one in the couple. But the fact that Cassius didn't shy away is just so CUTE. I WANT TO MEET HER.

Also, I wonder how Cassius was inspired to asked about truebloods. Was it something the girl said??

It's kinda crazy to think that the trueblooded heirs are asking about trueblooded heirs and are even panicking about how a couple of the kingdoms don't have trueblooded heirs. Hahahahahahaha it just makes me laugh, I love it.

But srsly, I really like that the main plot is introduced to these characters now. And Rowan is kinda freaking out about it because only Rowan really knows enough to know how bad this can be. And it's SO INTERESTING how Ember is like "whatever not our problem" and Cassius is like ... kinda in a daze still but you know. Maybe Rowan is going to now investigate a bit more on the subject?? What will they do with this information?!

I'm also kinda worried that Alanna is on the mope train for so long. I actually found it really interesting that she kept mentioning Mishal and not Isadora at all, but that could just be due to the context of their conversation. I'm glad to see her come to life again during the dancing and then this discussion at the end. She of all people was asking Rowan the right questions. XD Just CONSTANTLY asking WHY?? is SUCH A GOOD WAY TO GET ANSWERS. YOU GO, GIRL.

Man, there was something else I wanted to say and I don't remember.

OH so I also really like that the characters are generally comforted by the idea that Margaretta might be helping the situation. I mean, we don't really KNOW her intentions, but the characters have no reason to doubt Margaretta, and even Rowan was somewhat relaxed by the idea (though I feel like they're still going to research or something). It's a great way to lead the reader into a sense of security -- at least to an extent. I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST MARGARETTA.




mellifera says...


hEY your reviews are really really appreciated!! sorry I've been neglecting to respond but!! they're very helpful!!

Also, I wonder how Cassius was inspired to asked about truebloods. Was it something the girl said??


it's really just because Sylvania said "These walks help get the blood flowing, you know?" and he was like "ah, blood" because I'm terrible at transitions xD

Just CONSTANTLY asking WHY?? is SUCH A GOOD WAY TO GET ANSWERS. YOU GO, GIRL.


in all my experiences with kids around her age, their favourite question is "why?" which is conveniently also the most helpful questions she can be asking for me to reveal information lol

also your excitement about the characters gives me LIFE

thank you again!! :)



JabberHut says...


Oh, no worries! You don't need to reply if there's no need! :D

LOL omg Cassius' logic makes sense to me and I love it. It is SO Cassius.

IT REALLY IS THEIR FAVORITE QUESTION. And it is the most convenient thing about that age group. Their honesty is just so useful as a writer. Everyone should have a child in their cast.

YOUR CHARACTERS GIVE ME LIFE <3



User avatar
91 Reviews


Points: 1725
Reviews: 91

Donate
Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:27 am
View Likes
dahlia58 wrote a review...



I haven't read the previous chapters, but this chapter was fun to read even without any previous knowledge of the story. I liked how a large chunk of this chapter was dialogue. It helps keep the readers interested. All of the characters seem likable so far. I greatly enjoyed reading about their interactions here. If you don't mind me saying this, I feel like our writing styles are similar somehow, at least in this chapter, which is why I liked this even more. Please keep writing, and sorry I'm not a very good reviewer...




mellifera says...


thank you for your review! and you're a good reviewer :) keep practising, and you'll do great!




Stories don't end because you stopped paying attention.
— SJ Whitby