Young Writers Society

This almost reminded me of Five Nights At Freddy's. I did like it. I wouldn't call it a poem but hey so many people would disagree with me and say it's a free verse poem so, I'm going to click the like button anyway because it was a cool idea. I don't think it was a very satisfying ending though. I didn't understand what happened at the end. Oh well. Keep writing so I can keep reviewing!

~Keepwriting

Alice, how did you do that?

In such simple words, and so few phrases, you inspired me... To get a sweater to fight the shivers running down my spine. Do you ever run up the stairs really fast because for whatever reason you are a hundred percent sure there is some phantom being chasing you? And even though you know this is not true, you still believe it? That is what your poem here makes me feel, like invisible phantoms are chasing me and if I slow down I will be eaten. Like something is following you and all of the sudden it disappears, and you know it is only a matter of time before you die. Yep, you rocked this poem.

You did a really good job, this is not the type of poem you can really review on the flow or rhythm.. The verse "Whatever's coming's stopped" is a little abrupt, but it's also terrifying.

Great Job and Keep on Writing!

Lol, wow, was not expecting that ending. xD Chilling.

As being a person who loves mysteries and horror, I couldn't help but just squeal after reading this poem as it was just written so well telling the story of the protagonist's downfall in an impressive 30 words. There is literally nothing I could say to make this better than it already is as you use the word "clunk" so well as it could apply to so much yet to so little as it could literally mean the lock, but it also be the protagonist's body after being attacked hitting the floor. Keep up the amazing work! Can't wait to read more form you!

Interesting! I love the use of onomatopoeias. I think this poem is short and sweet right now but has a lot of potential for expansion to a bigger story.

My first suggestion would be that you change the title to be in all lowercase letters "tick tock" as this is what you use throughout the piece. Consistency is important. This is just a nit pick suggestion - technically, the rules of writing dictate that titles must have the first letter of each word longer than 3 letters capitalized so it's up to you.

The open-endedness of this piece leaves it very open to interpretation, which makes it appropriate for many different audiences. For example, the ambiguity of the word lock could refer to a lock of hair, a combination or key lock, or a lock where boats can be raised higher or lower.

The "clunk" at the end of the piece is also suggestive that something has happened, we just don't know what. This is actually I piece I could see being referenced or used in a TV show related to murder or mystery or horror. Kind of like the song from A Nightmare on Elm Street....

"1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.... 3, 4 better lock your door..." etc.

Overall, I'm impressed with the simple story that you have managed to convey in just a few words. I would recommend using this as inspiration to either expands this poem or build a back story related to it. Good job! Keep writing.

- Doc