Life By The Thousand

Hey there fortis! Here for your Exchange Club review.

Firstly, I really like this poem. I like the concept and the way you got that through. I love the first and last sentences and all suggestions made here are just suggestions, that might help bring this piece closer to perfection. I feel the idea was beautiful, but maybe you'd completed the piece in multiple sittings.

Now, first stanza, I like the comparison of the trees to drunken men, the image is clear in my mind then, until I read staggering men. Because then I see unstable movement, and that doesn't really describe the trees in your mind, do they? Something on the lines of "struggling for balance" or whatever you feel right, might be better here.
Also, I'm not sure tap is the right word for footsteps in the second part of that sentence, not that tap is wrong though, just not as perfect as the rest of the sentence. Also, the connection between the two parts of the sentence dont stand out. Maybe mentioning yourself in the phrase about the trees would change that.

In the next stanza, I feel if the comma in the first sentence were replaced by a dash it would be nicer.
Beginning of the next stanza, try to replace the "energy of life" by, for eg. just "this energy", so that that phrase doesnt feel repetative. Also, the first two lines of the stanza neednt both end in fullstops, I feel the current punctuation gives this totality and dissociation not present here.
Last sentence, replacing the "for my feet are weary" with is a suggestion I have and the last shall with will, because that way the sentence feels more natural.

Lastly, when you edit this sometime, you could think about adding in another stanza, either in the transition of the first to second stanza or for elaborating on that stream of life. I would love to see you do more with this piece.

Hope that's been helpful, in some way.
Keep up your awesome writing ^_^
~Duke

Hey there just got to say I think this is a great piece of work. Poetry is about expressing ones own feelings, and this is my feeling and opinion of your work. It seems to me like the person was in a depression a long time ago. He has died and been dead for a thousand years. Overall this work would be a 4/5 stars to me.

This is insanely good.

I liked your title. I thought it was appropriate. Your first two lines were spectacular. "The trees lean into each other like drunken men staggering home." What a noteworthy simile!! I really enjoyed that. I loved your language. I thought every word that you used was thought out and properly placed. I thoroughly enjoyed your last verse as well. "....For my feet are weary and for every heartbeat I feel there are a thousand that shall feel no more." That gave such an ghostly feel to the piece and wow, it was great. This whole piece was truly beautiful.

~FearlessLove4

Fortis, my old friend! Good evening, and happy Thousand Works Day! Haha, just kidding, but it feels like the main idea of the poem, and you really look like you've written a thousand works.

I think you have a line change in the middle stanza. It doesn't have as many lines as the other two. Maybe you haven't noticed, or you meant to do that, but I don't really think I'm a big fan of it. That is all I have to say, other than this was awesome, great, good, amazing, fantastic, beautiful, breathtaking, and it was the best poem ever!!!!!! Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but still! I hope you write more in the future!

-wisegirl22