I just woke up from a nice long nap, but when I did, there was a man standing there, but it wasn't one of my team mates. It was a man from the German side, and I was scared to death thing he was going to kill me, I got out my gun and said...
"Don't take one more step towards me or you will be dead."
"Hey." He said. "My name is Danny, and I don't want to hurt you. I like you."
"Your on the other team, how could you possibly like me."
"I don't know." Danny said like really weirdly as if he didn't know what he was trying to say. "I just didn't know that I was a German."
"Wow." I replied sarcastically. "I didn't know German's were such idiots."
"Do you want me to shoot?" He said more seriously.
"No, but go ahead. I am probably going to die out here anyway, just do it. Get it over with."
He short me and it felt as if the bullet was moving so fast, it felt as if it went right through me. I fell to the floor thinking about what would happen to Mike if I died.
He would probably kill himself if I died thinking it was his fault for not protecting me.
The last thing I saw was all the dead German's and American's laying on the ground dead. Now I was going to be one of them, just like my dad.
Meanwhile...
"Mike what are you doing standing around. Get back on the battle field" The chief said.
"Okay." Mike said and ran off as if he was scared.
I wonder what happened to Stacy. That girl I like. She was taking a nap earlier, and I think she is up. While the chief is not watching me at the moment I am going to check on her.
Once Mike went to Stacy's tent she was gone. He looked around the battle field and the first thing he saw above all the dead body's was Stacy's.
"OH MY GOSH" Mike yelled. "Stacy are you okay?"
I got to find someway to save her, But how?
After a while Mike got an idea.
I'll go get my medicine I used to heal myself when I got shot. But lucky me Stacy didn't know about it. She would have flipped out if I told her, but now I can't and now is not the time to be thinking about myself. It is the time to think about her. Not me.
He walked up to her body, and looked around before healing her, to make sure that chief or any of the German's were around. Mike covered Stacy's wound with the medicine, and went back to fight. After a few house Stacy woke up, but Mike was busy fighting somebody, so he didn't notice.
Okay back to Stacy's point of view. (Her).
Oh my gosh. How did I get healed, and so gosh darn fast too? I have to find out who healed me, even though I am probably considering Mike. He should have just taken me to the clinic, he didn't have to do it himself.
I walked up to Mike and asked...
"Why did you heal me, you could've just taken me to the clinic.?"
"The clinic is destroyed. I couldn't possibly have taken you there."
"Well I didn't know."
I went back to fighting and didn't answer when Mike said.
"Why do you have such an attitude with me? I was just trying to help you.
I was quiet and didn't reply.
"Answer me."
"Fine" I said. "What if I didn't want your help."
"Well I couldn't have just left you out there to die."
"Well what if I wanted to die." I said with a really mean attitude. "Because I did want to die. And you know what. I liked you, but now to me you just kind of suck."
"But..."
I cut him off, and said...
"No but's just shut your mouth and go away."
"But your still bleeding."
"I DON'T CARE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE."
"Fine."
Mike left, but he was right I am still bleeding really bad. The blood was dripping down my thy, (where I got shot) As if it was a water slide. The medicine was still on it, but it was still bleeding. I went back into my tent to get some rest thinking about Mike.
I want to say I'm sorry to him, but I don't think he will listen. He probably thinks I don't like him anymore. But I really do like him. I will just say sorry tomorrow morning and what ever happens, happens. I hope a good thing happens and he will forgive me, but if he doesn't then. I.. I.... I don't know what I'll do.
I sighed really big.
I hope he forgives me. I really do.
End of chapter
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi!
Yes! Another chapter! Aw... Stacy got shot... I am wondering why she had an attitude. It makes her less likable. It seems like she speaks before she thinks, or she is really rash in her thinking. That is something about Stacy that could really show us what she is like. You can show through action, however, showing through her thoughts is good, too. (Just don't have her think to much, we do like to see action)
The part when Stacy thought she died was impactful, her comparing herself to her father. I liked it. Though, that part could have had a bit more description. Making it pull some emotion out of your readers. Describing as Stacy's body hit the cold ground, maybe some regret running though her mind. If she saw dead people on the ground with her, perhaps describe that? I have seen you had trouble with some descriptions, so here is some help from articles! Description, by Rydia. This article is a question about descriptions, it has wonderful answers. If you want anymore you know where to find me.
Woah, okay. That is one way to tell us her name. I have never thought of that. *Applauds*
First, chief asked a question in the first sentence, so add a question mark. Second sentence needs some sort of punctuation mark. I personally would make it an exclamation mark, that makes it sound like he is shouting. Oh, and, some of parts of speech done
It's "bodies".
I would suggest rephrasing that. Maybe: I let out a low, deep sigh.
You are improving, that is good! I like where the plot is going. I wonder, will her injury effect her later on? Maybe hindering her?
Keep on writing!
Raven,
Okay chapter 6 is out. Thanks for being a nice supportive friend. I really like you tips, and I know I spelled bodies wrong, and I wanted to back and fix it, but I didn't have time because my mom said I had to go right that second, so yeah. Well talk to you later.
It needs more character description, to give the reader an idea of what someone looks like
Ninth paragraph down: he shot me instead of short.
Fourteenth paragraph down: body's should be bodies, because the bodies don't own anything.
Twentieth paragraph down should be: hours instead of house
Forty first paragraph down should be thigh instead of thy.
Well sorry. I am not a perfect writer, but thanks anyway.
No, I didn't mean to be rude. Mine is far from perfect. It's just I wanted to let you know, I don't really know what else to do in a review, besides let you know errors. I read other people's reviews on other works and they told them of errors.
Okay, well sorry for acting that way. It was kind of rude of me to say that, so sorry. Also, you could tell if you like the piece of work that's what I always do, it point out if I didn't or did like the work. I might start rating it like something out of ten. I may or may not do that, I might start though. You could do it too if you wanted or just tell if you like the work. I am just suggesting things, so you don't have to do it, but if you want to, feel free too. But did you like my chapter 5? I hope so, if you didn't that's okay, because tons of others like my Battle books, so if you don't that's fine. So just be honest please. But did you like it?
Yeah I liked it, I like nearly all battle stories or chapters. Unfortunately I haven't read any others of yours.
Oh well this is my first battle story, so yeah. But I am still glad you enjoyed the book! Keep reading and writing!! XD!