If only I could feel the water,
And run my hand down inside the depth.
If only I could feel its coldness,
the shock gradually coming up my arm,
turning my lips blue from cold.
If only I could feel the fire,
The red flame burning wood into ash.
If only I could feel its heat,
And marvel at the burning sensation,
the warm feeling creeping inside me,
warming my frozen heart and soul.
But I feel nothing.
I am a skeleton, just an empty shell.
My eyes see everything,
and I imagine my hand touching cold snow,
grasping hot embers till my hands burn away.
I look out beyond my prison,
and I see smiles on people I can't touch.
I can't escape this unfeeling body,
no matter how hard I yearn for sweet freedom.
So when I stretch my hand out,
Hoping to feel some water or fire,
I feel nothing.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello again Timothy! Selina here to review your work of magnificence.
Once again I loved your poetry, you have a cool way of expressing yourself. This particular poem I thought was intriguing and cool cause you used FIRE and WATER. I think everyone before me has already fixed the couple of mistakes that they found cause I cannot find anything wrong. I am also not a great person for spotting things like that anyways :S
"and I imagine my hand touching cold snow,"
Have you ever seen snow? =P If you came over to my house right now you'd see it, cause its been snowing for most of yesterday and part of today =( But it has FINALLY stopped!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DANCES AROUND IN THE SLUSH*
Anyways I have to go, love your work!
~Selina
Thank youuu, Selina! It's been so long since I wrote this. xD
All of these lovely reviews you wrote for meeee. Thank youuu.
I LOVE FIRE AND WATER. They're so opposite, but at the same time, they're also similar. :p
We get snow like, uh, once a year. ><
No problem, I love reading other peoples poetry =) It was my pleasure =P
I took a quiz and the element that describes me is water. Because we are very calm, and can be good at calming other people down, but when we are angry you want to stay clear. My brother says it described me xD Brothers xD
Once a year!? A friend of mine in Texas only seen it 7 times and she is 16 :0
Hey! Zhia here to review your poem!
How many ways can I say that this is amazing?! Well, I'll try… It has the perfect rhythm. Also, it has great imagery! *looks up synonyms for amazing* Got it! This is a beautiful poem, each line is the right length, just- Ok, no ranting, Zhia. All I can say is GREAT JOB!!
Why did this post twice? :\
hee hee. Tis okay.
Xd
Hey! Zhia here to review your poem!
How many ways can I say that this is amazing?! Well, I'll try… It has the perfect rhythm. Also, it has great imagery! *looks up synonyms for amazing* Got it! This is a beautiful poem, each line is the right length, just- Ok, no ranting, Zhia. All I can say is GREAT JOB!!
Enjoyed this much.
I like this much better!
Hey Tiny Tim!
)
So remember how you said I don't review poetry and I said I'd review that one tomorrow >.> You should've reminded me! Anyways, this is a different poem, but ah well you said you dislike the latest ones most so I thought they could use the most feedback?
Anyways, this one wasn't bad at all. In fact I liked it quite a lot! I took it as someone who was numb inside and wanted to be able to feel again, but no matter how much they tried, they couldn't escape the numbness. I also really liked the layout of the poem. One stanza for water, another for fire and then one for feeling
What could be done better? I think you should work on rhythm. You've got it alright here, but if you keep syllables into account and try to balance them out a bit, then it sounds better when you read it allowed. Also, just watch word order sometimes, because occasionally the simplest way of saying a line is best.
But I feel nothing.
Like a skeleton I'm just an empty shell (same words by changes it so that there is no pause in it, unless you want a pause. Also, the word 'just' emphasizes that the person is unoriginal and not unique)
My eyes see everything,
And I envision myself feeling everything. (I would change the words envision and feeling... envision seemed awkward and feeling too vague. How about adding in a second line here? Something like: Beyond the bars of my being I see the smiles, the laughter. But I cannot escape from this unfeeling body. As an example xD Now the unfeeling is an adjective of a specific thing, so it's less vague... if that makes sense)
But when I stretch my hand out,
Hoping to feel some cold or warmth, (how about cold or warmth being switched to water or fire, just to match with the title? It would be nice if somehow you could fit in both, because I like the usage of cold and warmth too.)
I feel nothing. (brilliant and on point ending
Okay, so there I was just really picky. But if you do this with your other stanzas too I'm sure you'll get a more perfect poem than the one you already have! Also, those were all just suggestions so if you want to shoot them down straight in the face because it's not the type of thing you wanted for this poem at all, it's okay. It's your poem after all
Last thing I missed! Here is another example of where it would be nice to just drop a word to help the rhythm. My version is: The red flame burning wood into ash. Away is unnecessary here.
Let me know if you have something else to look at, 'cause I will
Deanie x
Thanks for your review!!! Your reviews are always awesome.
Oh, and you might want to be careful... you're falling into the smiley habit... just. like. me. 
Hey, wow I love how this poem doesn't just have rhyming words but has a lot of meaning of being able to feel the things we can not. The depth of this poem means a lot in my mind like it's to cold to reach out to, but also to hot, or in other word burning like it's there but not being able to get a hold of it. I love that you put these type of emotions into inspirational words. Keep up the amazing work and I can't wait to read your future poetry, stories etc.
~From Pinkdinosaurs x.
thanks for your encouraging review!
Hey Timmy, Cheetah here to review your poem.
I read this the first time and I guess I kind of liked it. Then I read it again and realized it's a bit empty for my taste. Like AECheonicle said, there doesn't seem to be a message (and your reply states the same thing). Sure, the poem's interesting, but to add depth it'd be good to add metaphors so there's some sort of message or purpose.
I liked your use of descriptive language- you have a way with words!
This last stanza was really good and is definitely my favorite.
All in all, I found this interesting and it definitely has potential! Thank you for sharing and keep writing.
I hope I wasn't too harsh or anything.
You know what? Your review was amazing! And I totally agree! I should have added more emotion and descriptive language to it. I admit I wrote it in a time when I was in a "non-inspirational" time. :p
I really like the new stanza!
First off, this is interesting, but I'm not exactly sure what the message is. Unless there's not really a message at all?
I like that you used 'depth' and left off the 's' at the end. Not sure if this was deliberate, but it makes it more singular, and hence, more personable. Almost as if you are referring to the water as a living, breathing organism.
This stanza is a little repetitive. You use 'burn' three times here. I would like to see a little more descriptive language about the 'burning' sensation. Show me, don't tell me.
The last stanza is all right. You do end two of the lines with 'everything' and two with 'nothing' but I think that this is okay, as 'everything' and 'nothing' is the whole point of it. Like I said at the beginning, though, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take away from this poem. But that doesn't detract from what it is.
Thank you timmyjake!
Thanks for your review! This poem is actually not really bearing much of a message. I confess I wrote it during a "non-inspirational" moment. Thanks again. I notice your reviews are getting longer and more detailed! Great job!
Haha. I am giving you a review... on your review! 