You've ransacked my mind
and left me to fade
in this cacophony, this vale
of despair.
I'm treading waters of vengeance,
and you ought to know,
I've etched your doom in my soul.
It'll be sweet and swift.
You tore my heart
in much more than two.
But I've gathered the pieces
and sealed them
with sellotape.
You coiled a circlet round my head,
embossed with strange glyphs,
and then told me
that my dreams were a corpse
and I should just
give up.
I refused to shatter
under your horny gaze,
but you tore at me until
my currents billowed forth.
And I yelled at you so that
you walked away.
You razed down my castles
with their ramparts and domes,
until they evaporated into
a besmirched landscape.
You left me wandering,
trying to gather the ashes.
My life is a hollowed shack
because you burned me with acidic liquor
and turned my dreams
to dust.
You said I would fail,
indubitably, undoubtedly.
I don't know for I won't ever try.
It's your fault I gave up.
But don't worry;
I'll tear your life down too,
some day.
And what I'm going to do
is worse than what
you've ever done to me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey Pompadour, Shauzer reviewing here
I really liked this poem, I'm not a crazy vengence nut or anything, but I could tell that you obviously have very real emotions here. Otherwise you couldn't have worded it so nicely, the sentences flowed like a river. It was a strong poem, in that you could really get the message you were trying to send. You hurt me. Now I'll hurt you worse. It was plain as day, and I really liked how you weren't afraid to display real anger in the poem.
I liked how you used your vocabulary, it gave the poem a nice delicate touch. "You said I would fail, indubitably, undoubtedly." I like it.
It's obviously a person who told you that you weren't good enough for something, and you're really good at portraying this. You would make a good sociopath
I really do like the poem, I think you're really good.
With regards,
TS
Hi Pompadour,DK with quick review on your poem.
Poem written by the seething emotions but still well controlled so that the reader does not slight disgust when reading it.Yet so diction used can give a deep impression on the reader. Obviously you mean what you wrote and such as sign of "warning" to him who have done to you in such a way.
Very great impact. Although it is effective, there is a little element of cliche in this stanza.
It seems to be so familiar and does not impress the reader with the style of writing used, but still delivers a good message for women persevere even abandoned.
Overall,good job.Keep it up!
Cheers.
hello Pompadour! I'll like to start off by saying your a darn good poet. The messenger has already pointed some things and I'll point out a few more. This poem makes me feel certainly for the character of this poem, pouring out what anger this is. I think the beginning is very strong. To me, because I'm a bit of a poet myself, when I write a poem this heavy, sometimes its nice to have a bit of a lighter tone somewhere. Other then that, I like forward to reading more of your works:)
The Messenger Knight here to review for you, and the KotGR>
So, you got a small typo here:)
Vale should be veil.
Whoa! That is like majorly creepy. And awesomely written.
Wow! That was a sad poem. I feel bad for both characters. The way you wrote the plot of revenge was so mysteriously cool, and very descriptive. I really liked how you used the metaphors of the castles/ramparts/ashes; it really completed the picture.
And that ending? Epic.
Keep it up!