When I die
I want to be buried
in a lake
near the sun.
~
Where the light is
there will also be
shadow and eclipse.
~
I see the world blaze
into a disarray,
but the flighty tears
cannot extinguish the anguish
that demons heap on our souls.
~
My heart is a white-hole,
but its core is a burning mass
of black poison.
~
Porcelain table, the wavering veil,
Streams of rivers, hearts of steel.
A glimmer, a trace, a shadow gone;
Tears and tears, I wait for dawn.
Dawn will take my tears away.
~
Give me a reason
To deal with treason
Like I'd deal with a horse
In the mid-Arabian sea.
~
When I close my eyes,
the words dance on my eyelids.
But when I open them,
my room is dark
and the words are
still dancing.
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
I really love these poems. Although they are short they say so much. As a writer I think it's really important to have such a wonderful talent when writing. I also love how some of the poems make you think even if you're sure about the meaning. Overall these were brilliant. c:
Thanks so much! ^_^
Hi!
I LOVE these short poems! They sound like they are real, professional poems that look like you find in a book! They are great ideas, but I wish you would write a full length poem with at least one of them. I can just imagine it! Plus, you could probably get one of them published! Good luck with your writing!
Thanks! I think I'll try that out someday, and I really appreciate the review!
I don't know why but I really like the third one. But over all they are all equally good in their own way. I kinda which at least one of them rhymed at the ends and i really felt that the second to last was about rhyme. Oh and I really like that one too.
I really love the form for these poems. They are short, and to the point. I'd love to see you experiment further with poems like this, only maybe using more description. I'd also love to see some more care in your word choices. Because these pieces are so short, you need to make sure to get all the words how you want them. You can't be repetitive and you have to be very careful with rhyme schemes. For example, in the final piece, you shouldn't end the first two lines with "eyes" then "eyelids". The rhyme in the first two lines of the second to last poem is sort of annoying to read. It would be interesting if you continued with some scheme, but it just confuses the mind and makes you look for the next rhyme instead of paying attention to the meaning. These poems are really interesting and you clearly have a lot of potential in poetry. Keep on writing!
Thanks so much for reviewing!
I'm entering it too! I loved all the poems, but my favorite is the fourth one