You did a very good job. My brother recently died, so this poem really speaks to me. Thank you.
crescendo#~
She painted the horizons a subtle black and blue
and carved open the walls to reveal traces of red.
She lined the openings with piercing pocket-knives
and laid chains on the plains where the dust had long fled.
And she stared at the sky, the prism of a sky,
whispering to constellations her eyes would collect.
"Teach me to fly, teach me wisdom 'fore I die,
teach me to glide and to pirouette."
The comets strode past, in their blazing attire,
and she sang to them as they streaked by.
She adorned their hearts with silver isotopes
and launched arrows through the sky.
"Oh, mother dear, here I stand,
on a pathway of rock and sand.
Oh, mother dear, you left me when you flew.
These ravines, my pumping veins - oh they call for you."
And as she sang, she felt her heart metamorphose,
But she never knew 'til it had burned to a crisp.
Without the slightest hint of remorse,
she found that the clouds were only meant to lisp.
Her skin was a leather prelude,
her lips hard and coarse.
Her eyes were gaunt: a night-lit sky,
as she yelled her poor throat hoarse.
Fiery torpedoes simmered through the night;
blazing pits of gas-galactic lit her heart.
She struck swords through her narrowing catacombs
and every shred of life she shredded apart.
"Oh mother, dear, here I stand,
on a pathway of rock and sand.
Oh mother, dear, you left me when you flew.
These ravines, my pumping veins, oh they call for you."
Oh, she flew and fell at too young an age,
as she leaped the twilight moors through,
"Mother, dear, I shall traverse every path
to the sky in my search for you."
And she danced through the night, free and lithe;
sending red galloping through the heavens.
As her flesh flew apart, her soul took flight,
and split in sparks of eights and elevens.
And split in sparks of eights and elevens.
la interlude#~
A gravestone, now, where her sorrows sing,
there is a coffin of rosemary wood,
under the pathway of gravel tears,
where her sky-staircase once stood.
Oh mother, dear, here she lies,
beneath a pathway of rock and sand.
Oh mother, dear, you left her when you flew,
and the sky too waned as it bid her Adeiu.
You did a very good job. My brother recently died, so this poem really speaks to me. Thank you.
Hey there Pompadour!!! It's MysteryMe, here to leave a quick review!
This was honestly stunning. The word choice you used was so strong and powerful, and just the way you laid your whole poem out, with so much repetition, really made it stand out to me. The details were beautiful, and they really helped with your imagery. Really beautiful work 
.
Some parts seemed a little vague to me, meaning that I couldn't quite understand exactly what you were trying to say, but that's probably just me. I'm not too much of a poem person, so I'm not very skilled at interpreting so much figurative language, and you used a lot of it (and used it well). Still, even the parts I didn't understand, I found beautiful. And the general message of the poem was made very clear. So, really, I wouldn't suggest you change a thing.
In terms of grammar/spelling and wording, I couldn't find anything wrong with this. It was all top-notch, so I have no nitpicks for you.
Your flow and rhyming were both completely beautiful. Honestly, they made me wanting more. There was so many lines that I loved, I have trouble picking a favorite. I will say, though, that one specific part that stood out to me was this:
"And as she sang, she felt her heart metamorphose,
But she never knew 'til it had burned to a crisp.
Without the slightest hint of remorse,
she found that the clouds were only meant to lisp.
Her skin was a leather prelude;
her lips hard and coarse,
her eyes were gaunt: a night-lit sky,
as she yelled her poor throat hoarse."
I'm not sure why, but I just love the wording you used in this, specifically in the last stanza. Nice job, you really should be proud of this!
Well, hope this helped!!! Remember to keep writing!!!!
Timmyjake here to leave you a review!
This was beautiful, honestly. I have no idea how you people do it. I am the worst at poetry. Your poem is so flowing, so beautifully descript... I can just see everything so clearly.
I'll point out a few lines that didn't flow well for me...
And she stared at the sky, the prism of the sky, --I think its the repition in that line that makes it unsmooth(cool word!
and every shred of life she shredded apart. ---You repeated shred there which breaks up the flow for me.
Hey there! I'm here for a review for youuu! 
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it was beautiful and really full of emotion and brilliant :')
Right, onto the writing.
My favourite lines by FAR were:
"She adorned their hearts with silver isotopes,
and launched arrows through the sky."
The imagery in this is just... amazing, plus I totally adore your descriptions here...:
"Her skin was a leather prelude;
her lips hard and coarse,
her eyes were gaunt: a night-lit sky,
as she yelled her poor throat hoarse."
This is one of my favourites, it's so full of energy and I can almost picture her! ^_^
A little suggestion where I'm being awfully picky:
"There is a gravestone now where her sorrows sing;"
This seemed just a tad too long, perhaps change it to something shorter, like:
"A gravestone lies, where her sorrows sing;" Something like that! 
This is seriously a fabulous bit of work though, deserves the top of the spotlight! I laaav it Keep up this marvelous work!
-CFG
120,613 Literary Works • 651,075 Reviews
Points: 254
Reviews: 6
Donate