A/N: Just some spur of the moment slam-poetry.
***
The doc told me to "talk ter someone."
but these walls ignore my rambles;
remaining devoid
of expression.
These walls are my mentors,
and in this silent seclusion,
the darkness has taught me
the best ways to hide.
So I'll carve my thoughts
on the faded wallpaper,
and wait for the replies
I know will never come.
The silence stones me.
But it's OK.
I just want to
feel the pain again,
and remember that I'm real.
I'm just so tired of feeling
transparent.
I use simple words
when I paint my sorrow,
because the ceiling
has never known my lingo.
The sky has charisma,
but I forgot how to fly
a long time ago.
No metaphors. No similes.
No angry alliteration.
I stare at the burns
on my hands
and wish I could write
poetry;
words that would light my fingers up
so they could feel again.
My heart yearns for Beethoven,
but my hands are clumsy twigs
that weave hailstorms
through symphony.
And all I can do is cry.
I wish for the cliched pain
that could shatter through my bones,
instead of this numb silence
that pervades my soul.
The emptiness jeers at me
and I feel like I
don't matter anymore.
I am the fill in the blank
you forgot to fill;
the dull pebble among
the golden ramparts of sand.
I am tarred;
tainted;
different.
Even the walls don't talk to me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
BEAUTIFUL piece of literature.
This poem made me tear up. This is excellently put together and well thought out. I also think that this is most definitely publish-worthy. I love the lines:"The silence stones me"and "I paint my sorrow" as they bear powerful emotional components. Although this poem is very melancholic, it is utterly beautiful and relatable. You have also successfully used sophisticated vocabulary and have used it in such a way that you have brought your piece to life. This is most probably the best poem that I have read so far. Very well done.
This is a GREAT poem!
I really enjoyed it, have liked and followed
Your vocabulary is excellent, and you write in such an original way that I was captivated by this. The last line was especially brilliant, I feel, and having it in italics makes it read in a different tone to the rest of the poem, which is very effective. I love how there's the running theme of a house- the walls, the ceiling, etc, but at the same time we are reading about something deeper and more phsycological. Brilliant work!
Hello lady of the pomp! (Two can play at annoying nicknames...)
Another random relaxing poem... BUT WAIT! This one has meaning! Not particularly clear meaning I grant you, and still with highly random overtones, but it is strong, and reasonably deep, and echoes throughout the poem.
Keep up the (insert favorite adjective here) work,
Take That You Fiend!
I am going to be completely honest about your poem; I like it, it's wholesome and exploring an issue. Your imagery is very clever in places, evoking a secluded tone and adding context to the poem's reality. However I do feel like you've copped out, you're so close to creating something with finesse but you what you lack is real thought. You need more originality, most obviously your the last section
'I am tarred;
tainted;
different.
Even the walls don't talk to me' - it's so eloquent! So almost perfect but 'different' just unfold the illusion for me. It's such a blasé ambiguous word that it left me feeling lackluster. Don't be put off though, it's still a fantastic piece with great promise.
Pompadour... HOW AM I NOT FOLLOWING YOU. YOUR WRITING IS MARVELOUS! :O
Happy writing!
Seriously though, this was amazing. When you say this was a spur of the moment, I congratulate you. I can't even imagine writing this, and you've aced it.
Favourite lines:
"I am tarred;
tainted;
different.
Even the walls don't talk to me."
That really ended the poem PERFECTLY and what a great wasy to end it too,
Linking to the end: Check.
Awesome last line: Check.
Memorable poem: Check.
Fabulous work!
A single little improvement which would make it sound a bit better:
"The emptiness jeers at me
and I feel like I"
To...:
"The emptiness jeers at me
and I almost feel I"
I think that that would sound better, but that's just my opinion!
Overall, amazing poem. A follow, like and review for you!
-CFG
Thanks for the review, follow and like!
I'm glad you liked the poem.
'twas great!