A/N: This is my first go at lyrics! =D And you can critique the life out of it!
***
I saw summer smash
and graze the glaze on Mars.
I saw winter burst;
frost glide by as smooth as cars.
On the autumn roads I seek the winds
'cause who on earth knows where they've been.
And as they whisper they carry me away,
carry me away.
These changing seasons are without reason
a hemispheral ballet.
And everything is falling, is folding up
and flying through the air.
Rusted leaves and woodwork petals
steer and veer me everywhere.
The abstract cunning art
of ju-jitsu streaks and stunning foliage.
Frostbite lurks amongst your fingers
but I can't calm this winter rage.
Autumn is made of rusted lilies,
Spring is made of remnants of Fall.
Winter is made of gravel-grass graves,
and Summer is a mosaic hall.
Heartache spun from molten gold,
dusky melodies sing sweet and spry.
These wintry orbits feel so cold,
and spring-strung winds are flaking through the rye.
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
Can you hear the clouds,
crumble and cry, twirl and retract?
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
Can you hear the wind,
welcoming the solar waves
to paint these seasons abstract?
Autumn is made of rusted lilies,
Spring is made of remnants of Fall.
Winter is made of gravel-grass graves,
and Summer is a mosaic hall.
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139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
This is awesome!
Personally, I don't care for Picasso's work, but I respect him as a new age artist and as someone willing to affect change. And his art is definitely art. The same goes for this poem, which portrays not only what he does with the brush, but also much of his life very, very well!
"And everything is falling, is folding up
and flying through the air.
Rusted leaves and woodwork petals
steer and veer me everywhere.
The abstract cunning art
of ju-jitsu streaks and stunning foliage.
Frostbite lurks amongst your fingers
but I can't calm this winter rage."
These lines are great and really give me that sense of chaos, but with just enough control to make it something realistic and understandable. I love you mention of jujitsu, which is what I picture Picasso doing when he paints. Very creative, and very original.
Thank you Pompadour!
Ooooh ahhhhh. So much cool imagery here! I could definitely see this as an actual song. U killed it!
W O W.
I love this stanza, there is the coldness of frosbite and then winter rage- contrast, yeah you got it.
This was simply brilliant !!! I simply LOVE such poems, I read another poem like this a short while ago. When i say "like this" i mean the theme.
Your poem is original, the words that you have chosen are perfect, soft, rhythmic......
"The abstract cunning art
of ju-jitsu streaks and stunning foliage.
Frostbite lurks amongst your fingers
but I can't calm this winter rage."
Art and writing, not to different right?
"I saw summer smash
and graze the glaze on Mars.
I saw winter burst;
frost glide by as smooth as cars."
Your opening lines of course, I don't know why i'm mentioning them later
They set the flow for the poem, and as i said before the rhythm is beautiful.
And of course...
Autumn is made of rusted lilies,
Spring is made of remnants of Fall.
Winter is made of gravel-grass graves,
and Summer is a mosaic hall.
I have.... nothing to say...
I couldn't find anything wrong, GREAT JOB, KEEP WRITING!!!!
Hey Pompadour!
I don't feel to good so this will be a short(ish) review. Sorry.
I really like the descriptions of each season in this work, you tell it from a original angle! Your grammar is flawless, commas and what not in the right places!
The only thing that confuses me a little bit is the bits in italics, why do they need to be in italics?
Overall, great song, sorry this review is so short!
Stay A-W-E-S-O-M-E! :p
Aw, Sushi.
Thank you for the review! 
And the italics just exist because I like them and I'm weird like that.
oh look what is this
Hello pompa!
This is very good in your traditional random style!
The only criticism I would give is your lack of a chorus, that peculiar entity found only in lyrics. I think this would help swing the piece, as lyrics should. Any line would do, but I would like the verse beginning "autumn is made of" which is highly rhythmical and has a lovely pattern in it.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
I thought there was something missing! So, just a question, if you seriously don't mind me asking... but a chorus is repeated twice or thrice, right?
No real definition, but generally between each verse, and at the end, as a rule of thumb.