A/N: It's free verse. Thought you should know.
The world erupts around you,
and you spin in homely circles;
leaping off walls and falling
into a glass cage of illusionary warfare.
Everything is so real to you,
and the darkness is a moth
that's taught you to believe
it's a butterfly.
And you embrace it,
falling in its putrid depths;
to you everything is a gold-encrusted flower,
a shell with the sea flowing within,
a lampshade of pale green mockery
and cruel smiles.
You think you've gone insane,
and there are seven ways to prove it.
First there are the lies.
They're like beautiful sparrows
hang-gliding through the hopeless maelstrom,
and setting everything on fire.
And you're afraid; if the lies leave
you'll stop burning.
You'll turn to ash.
So you feed the flames
and pray the truth never gets the better of you.
Then there are the voices
and the whispers.
Don't even think about the echoes
because they'll just
confuse you.
And you drown in a puddle as the sneers
waft like fumes around your head,
so your brain is a liquefied mass
of copper turned brown.
After that there are the thoughts
that you just can't explain -
they're as meaningless as you are.
And your heart feels like it's lined
with dust off used cars.
You've forgotten how to fly.
Shocker, isn't it?
The fourth sign is the nightly rampages,
when the sky is a crystal stretch
of dried up blood.
Your nights are spend wondering
why your dreams abandoned you,
and the truth is - they're never coming back.
You're a canyon, and your eyes hold lank bags
drooping like masses of black oil
stained purple.
And you cherish the sleeplessness.
Fifth is the sadness,
it heaves down on your lungs
and fills your breaths with broken bits of rubble,
so every stretch seems elastic.
You're suffocating, and you sob like a freight train
with no engine, but the cogs still whirr
mindlessly.
The tears are like eruptions,
as if a dormant volcano has decided to torment you
so your singed soul
goes streaming out your eyes.
Let's call them fiery tears.
Sixth is when the crimson curtains fall,
and they swim from your vessels
like wiry snakes;
a hosepipe that someone left running.
You're lost amidst the jabs.
There's just one word for this:
Iron screams.
Or maybe steel if it's sharp enough.
Seventh is the laughter,
the shrill hope before the light
waltzes away,
and you watch the dusk turn to dust.
The world is a shroud of gray
and your hysterics claw at the stiff air,
sending shivers through the night's hollow embrace.
It's insane, inane, a catapulting hurricane,
and Death laughs with you
as you sweep through the stars
and send turquoise avalanches sprinting through the horizon.
I guess turquoise is an unhappy colour after all.
The Earth's parched trails mourn you,
and they remember how you painted the sky
before insanity showed itself,
and took over.
Remember, the nights are not for hiding,
but for screaming.
So get ready to scream.
And insanity will be there.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hey there! joallover here for a review on this wonderful Review Day for team Mazarine Marauders!
This is scary. I guess I used to be insane, I fit into everyone of those signs a couple years prior to now. Glad I changed!
I love how somethings you expressed in this had a sort of insanity to them itself, such as
"so your brain is a liquefied mass
of copper turned brown."
Anyways, I have a few nitpicks to point out. Duty as a reviewer! *Puts hand on heart*
I had a spelling mistake but now I can't find it, so there's a spelling error somewhere in there!
Also, I do like the Italic text in between, but some of them, I feel I need to skip over. For instance,
"Let's call them fiery tears."
I read this one and laughed, but at the same time I found it took a little bit away from the dramatics of the piece overall. I don't know what I suggest you do with it, I like it, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
I do absolutely love this piece, you did fabulously.
That's all I can say for now, keep calm and write on!
Peace Love and Fahrvergnugen!
-joallover
What a delightful insight onto the inside of you mind. And I must say that it is scarier than any ghost trian I have ever been on.
As is often my trouble as a reviewer with your works, because it is a genre of it's own it can only be compared to itsel f and is therefore perfect. (And then man proved that black is white and got knocked down at the next zebra crossing)
However it is very nice, and you use some wonderful writing all mashed up in a bucket of nonsense.
Take That You Fiend!
I just saw this right now. Thanks for the review!
Your welcome!
I knew starting off that this poem was going to be weird. But it wasn't weird in a bad way, I loved it. So my review will be in poem form.
I saw something on the screen today,
It exceeded my expectations.
It was oddly descriptive, in the greatest way.
My interested, though muddled at first, soon piqued,
as I read the words "free verse".
"Why, that's my favorite style.",
My frazzled mind squeaked.
A poem without rhyme,
It still managed to have meter,
"That shows that former teacher of mine."
Thought I, the impressed reader.
"I guess since I liked it, I'll write a review"
I set out to do just that
"And it's not long before Christmas I know just what to do!"
I donned my Santa hat
"Insanity is a dark subject"
I thought, furrowing my brow, "I hope there is some humor"
And there it was! how could I object.
Good, the voices were not speaking in rumor.
This poem was an inspiration,
Though dark, enjoyable,
I smile to myself in jubilation,
that this wasn't horrible.
This rhyming thing is hard to do
I see why you chose free verse
I send my best wishes to you
but now I must disperse.
Why thank you for the wonderful review,
I'm so glad to see it rhymed,
my day is brightened, a smile contours
and a laugh so adequately timed.
I hope you don't find me officious
now that I'm not replying in prose,
but when it comes to lady-like "thank yous"
I'm afraid I'm not very good at those.
But thank ye, kind-hearted lass,
your Santa hat is a nice shade of red.
Oh, and also for the follow, but I think I'm jabbering on
so I'll just disappear instead.
Haha, coming back to prosiness, thanks for the review! I really appreciate it!
~Pompadour
Hi, to tell you the truth I loved this! The free verse certainly worked well. The adjectives used for description was truly marvellous. The way you related one work to the other was also breathtaking. The starting and ending was also very good. I guess my favourite sign of insanity is sadness (never ask me why- i don't know myself) I loved the usage of the imagery.My favourite line was:
"I guess turquoise is an unhappy colour after all."
I liked this but don't know why you put this in italics- probably to give it some importance.
Anyway, a lovely poem and hope to read more of your work soon.
-Anshira; Apple Dumpling Gang
O...M...G
What was that my psych evaluation!? That was so, so...TRUE!
How do even?!
Okay, okay, breath in, breath out.
That was (I will probably blow up Disneyland for this) SUPERCALAFRICIOUSEXPEALADOESCIOUS(I think that's how you spell it)! Bravo!
Beautiful...just beautiful.
I really don't know what to say. This is amazing...awesome. I absolutely love it! I can't even choose any one particular favorite line or stanza..all of it really comes together to form this lovely poem.
Well done..!!
Keep writing please..you got a great style.
This is beauty.
I would gladly read this over and over until my world did erupt and I did find myself spinning in homely circles..
Well done, Pompadour!
I absolutely loved this!
I was drawn to the name, and the first stanza really drew me in. I like the way you had your first stanza as a kind of introduction then you wrote:
And for some reason, I just love that line. I don't know why. It may be because it's simple, and... It just speaks to something deeper within me.
Your imagery is fantastic. I would normally say that a lot of your imagery is a little too over-done, but I have a little experience in a few aspects of your poem, and I know that what you described is rather true. Insanity is very melodramatic. The style with which you wrote this was very pleasing and very understandable, and I liked they length of your lines and stanzas. As a poem, it was written very well.
I also like that you stay on topic.
There are only a few things I would change if I could. I honestly don't really like the italic parts (except the one I already mentioned). The ones I think could be kept (and this is just my opinion) is the one about fiery tears, and the one about turquoise (Although I'm only so-so on that one). The others I think just take away from the flow. and especially the one at the end: I fell like "so get ready to scream" would be such a strong, powerful last line, even though it doesn't mention insanity directly.
I really can't express to you how much I love this poem. Thanks for sharing it with the YWS community! Keep Writing!
~fortis
Thanks so much!
I'll look over all the things you pointed out, definitely.