Curses

Hey there! joallover here for a review on this wonderful Review Day for team Mazarine Marauders!
Woah. I relate to this way more than I should. You perfectly portrayed this situation, yet it can also be interpreted as many many many different situations. Good job, that's not always easy to do.
I have to ask, was the gap in between "I fear me.


Don't step closer- a single word" intended? Or necessary? It draws a lot of attention, I'm not sure if that was supposed to be drawn to or if it just, kind of happened.

You did a great job with this. Such a great job, I don't know what to say about it! Without giving detail of appearance of anything, it gives a great visual of this person and the situational world around them. You did amazing, be proud.
That's all I'll say for now! Keep calm and write on!
Peace Love and Fahrvergnugen!
-joallover

Greeeeetings Pompadom, time to meat your reviewing fate.
This is a very nice and somewhat spooky poem. I hope it is not personal experience. The like breaks in this poem are perfect, and pace the piece sharply, which works well with the subject matter.
However, despite this obvious praise, I have a single piece of criticism, and that is (drum roll) the last line. While it is reasonably punchy, I feel it could be better considering the subject matter. For instance, "I am Death" or something like that.
Just a thought,
Take That You Fiend!

Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game!

Wow. This poem hit deep... maybe it's because of the whole "I fear myself" theme you've got going on here and how it compares to a certain other work of mine...

Anyway, reading this poem reminded me of my antisocial days where I used to torture myself mentally by reliving painful memories... I feared myself back then, too. But enough about me, it's time for the technical portion of the review~

The symbolism shown here is massive. Eclipses, hurricanes, icebergs... It's 7:52 by the time I'm writing this, so Review Day ends in a few minutes. Unfortunately, that means I might not cover them all, but I promise you I get what they mean perfectly.

-I get that the iceberg is a reference to the phrase "tip of the iceberg", which basically means "you haven't seen anything yet." Hurricanes bring pain and destruction wherever they go, and yet it's totally natural that they show up. I can see the speaker slightly in this. Eclipses block the light in the sky, so I assume this means the speaker would just be an eclipse, or "in the way" of whoever she's speaking to.

The grammar and punctuation are pristine, and I congratulate you for this. The length is also something I really liked. Long enough to get my attention, but not long enough to bore me. Perfect. As always, keep on writing, and keep on raising the bar! This is Gummy, signing out.

I love this! So deep and so full of emotion and meaning and feeling. I always love it when I read a poem and I feel like I can connect to the person in the poem and understand what they are going through in some way.

I love the line: "I fear me."

I wish I had more of a review to give you. I'm really tired and have done so many reviews today, so I am probably not coming out as coherently as I should be.

(I never look at the person who wrote the poem, but I just realized this is yours and realized that I always love your poetry!)

I love how you bring it back to the person you're talking to, from the beginning to the end. It's a very nice way to tie the whole thing together and connect the beginning to the end.

I am so sorry this doesn't have much critique, but I hope that you needed one of these encouraging (even if not extremely helpful) reviews. hopefully someday when I'm thinking more clearly I can review something of yours and make more sense.

_Knight cailey

Hi! Since it's review day, i'm here to review your poetry. I must say that this is a really nice piece of work written beautifully as it is not easy to write from such a point of view. I really liked your descriptions. I always look for a good start and your work had a good start.

"My darkness no longer a poignant call"

I think there should have been an 'is' between the word 'darkness' and and 'no'.

Then i really liked the way you constantly used the line "i fear me". Repetition is a good technique of enhancing the poem.

"Don't step closer- a single word
Could blow me further away.
I stand, a wisp of smoke,
Still afraid, still unsure
Of myself.
Stay away. I don't need you,
I already
Fear me."

This is my favorite stanza. And the break you give in your last line makes this poem very very nice. Great work!

Keep writing!

Cheers,

Shiksha!

Oh my gosh, this is beautiful. So beautiful. It breaks my heart and sews me back together simultaneously. I love it so much. I feel afraid of myself too, I feel suicidal often, and this explains how I feel so well. Thank you so much for this.

I love the vivid imagery of this poem. You really captured the impression of a mentally unstable person quite well. The only thing that felt a little off was the break up of the line
"I already
Fear me."
I would have preferred that to be in one line, but that's just me. Nice poem.

Wow, everything but the end just seemed flawless. That end though, last two lines ruined it for me. See you talk about one thing the whole time, well different things but the same theme, and you seem to tack something on at the end. The problem is you were showing us before the effect your character felt when people looked at him, so you didn't need to tell them. That was the whole awesomeness. You don't come out and say "I don't like to be looked at" you said "don't look at me, blahblah (rest)" but the end just falls life-less with small emotions. I do like that you tie in the "I fear myself" then you tell us why but the end just isn't right... nor does it flow.

I hope I helped,

hero

Wow! I must say this is a great poem! I love the how you had the POV of a mentally unstable person, because it made to poem so much more interesting to think about.

I don't have any critiques, but I would like to note my favorite line:

"Don't step closer- a single word
Could blow me further away.
I stand, a wisp of smoke.."

I like how in that last line, you wrote about being a wisp of smoke, which goes deeper into the second line, about being blown away... If that makes any sense.

Great job on the poem!