Hello Tuesday here for a review.
I like to begin that I enjoyed the imagery you used in this poem, mostly because as I read on (or the reader itself) they can see the spiraling staircase down towards the point you are making. Also I liked the chorus part; almost like a song which I think it is. Also the meaning of this could relate to people with heartache since they too feel what you arr writing.
A few things I like to point out (but you don't have to take as itself).
As Blue said before, "mirthful" in the second verse doesn't seem to match what else you have written. Seems more of a sad feelings throughout the poem than a happiness feelings or rather sighs, in this case.
to suggest here, in the first stanza maybe a comma? You don't have to take this into consideration, just a little suggestion. Give it a breath almost when the reader is reading it or something. Also I enjoyed the imagery in this chuck more than anything else in the rest of the poem. It is like a tie to the whole poem and the metaphor could be in this chuck.Every breath I breathe
is an oxidized ruin
that saps my light away.
These convex circles
are concave clefts
depression painted gray.
Overall, I think this is a lovely poem you have written and hope to review more of your work.
Farewell,
Tuesday
Points: 6130
Reviews: 257
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