Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,630 Literary Works • 672,054 Reviews
Hi darling! Here to review you
I feel like this stanza is very out of place compared to the rest of the poem. It doesn't fit in with the others, and I feel like you don't really need it at all. I would consider putting it aside for another poem, because it's very good, but I don't think it fits this particular one.
all too soon and too early is a little bit repetitive for my taste.
This is when I really start loving this poem. You've turned it into something uplifting, and I love that.
I feel like this is another stanza that doesn't quite fit. In it's own right, it's gorgeous, but it almost feels like you're trying to hard to make that plant metaphor live on in the poem instead of letting it die softly in the background. Because it might, in your head, be the highlight, but it's not. It's more of a background image that enhances what I actually feel the poem focuses more on, finding warmth in the winter/ in yourself.
This is truly my favorite stanza in the whole thing, I absolutely love it! The second one is definitely my favorite.
I loved it! I have nothing more to say besides the nitpicks above. Keep up the good work!
-Spark
I like the idea behind this poem, the fact of wanting to put life into something you know will be dead soon. There's not really much I see wrong with his poem, and the lack of rhyming really made me pay attention to the meaning and words behind this poem.
Like I said, the idea behind this poem is phenomenal and I really like the way you approached it. I'd like to read more of your works like this.
Although the flow seemed a bit off, but that might just be me. All in all, I like this piece.
Keep writing.
~~Ayden.
Hi
Hightop here to review 
,
I'm going to take it stanza by stanza if that's okay.
stanza one
The first word, 'There', should have a capital. As should 'Morning'.
In the last line you seem to have gotten by tenses. "as the slept and dreamt" was what you said, but it should be "as they sleep and dream" to keep with present tense. Also I don't think 'dreamt' is a word O_o.
Now, towards content, you did a very good job with word choice, your imagery was good, you could have used a bit more, but it's fine the way it is. Also, you conveyed the sense of something to come very well, it's almost eerie.
Stanza two
Okay, again they're a few capitalization problems, but this review would be very long and tedious review if I did.
Okay you, again reverted to past tense, eventhough you're speaking in present.
You said "those" when it should be "these"
Now on the content of this stanza. Firstly, I don't think spark is the best word there. Maybe 'flicker' or something of that nature. You also Half-Life introduced us to the themes, which are nature and death very well.
Lastly, I really liked your description of a flower ss a corpse. It could stand for how we are nature, and without nature, we are nothing. Although that could be my over-active poetry mind. XD
Stanza three
Okay, besides the capitalization issues, this is well written. You kept with your tense and your variety of words was good.
On content, this is a very full stanza. You start to convey the theme of nature more, and also start to show your love of nature.
Stanza four
Again, capitalization could benefit you here.
On content, you are doing very well at conveying your love of nature. One thing I had a problem with was "megarly tolerated existence." I found that kind of inaccurate, because awareness and love of nature is becoming more popular.
Stanza five
This stanza was very quick, and lively for such an important stanza. You're telling the reader that they're hurtling nature with the simplest of actions, so more punctuation would fit the stanza nicely.
Stanza six
More capitalization mistakes.
This stanza confused me. Are you starting to blame winter for the death of nature? I don't really get what you're trying to say in this stanza.
Stanza seven
More capitalization stuff.
This stanza also confused me. Are you trying to say that the speaker is Spring? If you are you should try make it clearer.
Overall, I liked your poem. You made a few mistakes but hey, we're only human. X3. I liked the subject and would like to read more of your poems. I hope you take my advice on board.
Signing off,
For the capitalisation - it is very much a style of mine not to use capitalisation in my poetry, because I feel like it makes me clunky and it's difficult to get my message across. So that's definitely a stylistic thing (and has been for a while), and while I've been known to change it for a style of an individual poem, this isn't really that poem for which I'd change it.
On stanza four - "meagrely-tolerated existence" refers to the subject ("you") of the poem, instead of nature as a whole. On the whole, this poem is more a topic for my own fits of depression and anxiety, and it really can be seen as my calmer, cooler half talking to my other half that's constantly breaking down.
This was probably an obscure theme to choose for this poem, so the fault is entirely on me, but it's not so literal as "love of nature" - I didn't intend for it to be so, because I already have a lot of literal poetry, and I was going for a more symbolic-literal approach; half of it is touting the symbols, and the other half is expanding on what they mean literally.
Definitely, it's less of a story about nature (though it could be, I suppose) and more of a story about finding your own life and being no longer "dead to the world", caught in a routine you don't really care about. It's also encouraging whoever the subject is to find what they're really passionate about, and a promise that they can cultivate that spark of life within them.
Again, sorry about that.
As for punctuation, like capitalisation, I tend to minimise on that in my poetry; however, as far as I'm aware, I was accurate even using just the bare bones in this one.
Thank you so much for your review!
Thank you for the clarification! The poem makes a lot more sense now!
I usually tend to only see the literal, apologies for that.
No problem at all, darling. I'm honestly just glad you enjoyed it!