Life’s reply was light,
Yet it hinted something cold
Death found the words that Life spoke
Held something more to be told
“Death, my dear friend,
What you say is true.
You are there when being there
is something I can’t do.
But when I am there
I am celebrated and revered
While you, Death, are nothing more
than something to be feared.
I am filled with fantasies,
Filled to the brim with dreams.
While you Death are reality
Crushing those beautiful things.
As you creep in shadows,
Waiting for your turn
I am front and center,
Perhaps that's something you can learn
In the darkest times,
I will prevail.
Because you, Death,
Are just a doomed ship setting sail.”
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
I read your most recent life/death poems yesterday and gave it a thumbs up all round because it was brilliant. Now I know that you aren't just a 1 hit wonder XD
Your style and content amaze me. Your imagery is so simple yet matter of fact which adds the creepiness of a conversation between Life and Death.
You do possess a rare talent to write down ideas with such eloquence and style
I will read the first poem of the series (because it should continue forever in my opinion) as soon as I am finished here because I think that your poems are genius
No criticisms whatsoever
Hey, HT here to review.
I read your first one a while back, and enjoyed it, and I enjoyed this one as well. I believe that what Life said unto Death is a very good ending (or perhaps beginning) to a small series.
This was very well written, and while there are no grammar or spelling areas there were sections that seemed a but choppy to me, with to many words or too few that just didn't really fit into the rest of the poem.
This is of course, as always, my personal opinion on what I think would make your work better. If you choose not to take it that will not offend me, and if I suggest that you change something that you purposefully placed in the work then feel free to ignore me.
1) The last line in the second stanza:
When being there is something I can’t do.
Seemed a little long, with too many syllables and didn't really fit or flow well. I would suggest changing it to something a little shorter. The wording fits the poem, but the length, to me, does not.
2) The same thing happened here:
While you Death, are nothing more
It just, I don't know, didn't seem right to me at all. I think it could be changed to fit better.
Oh well, I hope my rambling helps you in some way.
Good job.
Happy Writing!
HT
I'm starting to think that, when provoked, Life isn't very nice... A very good way to end this two part poem.
I think that Life- the way everybody puts it/her/him- should've been a little kinder, yet you put a new meaning to it/her/him.
...I know that this going to sound stupid, but at this point , I would think that Death would've struck down Life for saying something like that to him. It would've been rather abrupt ending, yes, but a little appropriate for ending for this poem.
All in All a good read and I hope that there is MOAR!!
With All Do Respect
Whole Some Reader