A Little Bird

You apologise for the weird formatting why not fix it? Was it because the publishing centre also frustrated you? Don't worry. It's plenty readable. Thank you for the dashes at least. This is a very sleepy review so please exuse me.

Personally the poem is very simple. Ifeel it just needs something a little extra. The rhyming is good. Some of your syllables could be improved. Overall it's a fine little poem but I feel it doesn't push any boundries of true deepness or meaning. If this was to be achieved perhaps a little subtlty is needed.
Good job. Exusebtge the spelling mistakes like that one just there I'm typing on an theifb thing.

Heyy, I'm EmoChikXoX and i'm going to review your poem!

I really do like this, it's a rather sweet poem. I like how it flows and I like the words that you have used. I also like the topic that you have based your poem on and how it is based on 'a little bird'. It sparked somthing in me, probably because somthing like this is happening to me at the moment... but anyway.

The only thing that I would comment on is the format, but I can see that you have already commented on that

Other than that this is a brilliant poem, keep writing I want to read more!

~EmoChikXoX

hmmmm..... the only thing is the format but its fine since you have already mentioned.
the flow of the poem is pretty good I liked the rhyming and the poem had a lot to convey.
it is a very good piece in fact and the thing I liked about this poem is mainly the way you have supported the bird , the description about the bird gave a lot of information and this piece shows a lot of innocence, it shows that you totally believe in the nature and not human kind. So, as the generations pass by its hard to gain the trust over the mankind/humankind and its is decreases as there is a lot of greed and selfishness among people and its also hard to find a lot of good people in this generatio.

Good work!
Keep it up!

hmmmm..... the only thing is the format but its fine since you have already mentioned.
the flow of the poem is pretty good I liked the rhyming and the poem had a lot to convey.
it is a very good piece in fact and the thing I liked about this poem is mainly the way you have supported the bird , the description about the bird gave a lot of information and this piece shows a lot of innocence, it shows that you totally believe in the nature and not human kind. So, as the generations pass by its hard to gain the trust over the mankind/humankind and its is decreases as there is a lot of greed and selfishness among people and its also hard to find a lot of good people in this generatio.

Good work!
Keep it up!

I actually really like this formatting, even though it was apologised for in the description, but it makes the poem more narrative which is really nice. The poem itself doesn't actually last that long but it's powerful and proves that you don't need a lot to make a poem work. The only constructive criticism is not to go for the most obvious rhymes in narrative poetry and make it flow easier. I think you should look at 'Elizabeth' by Edgar Allen Poe for inspiration, if you haven't already. I hope I helped

Hey there! So, obviously the formatting came out a little wonky, right? Sorry about that! But it was still understandable with your M-dashes (--). Do you intend to keep those in your final version?

The part I liked best was when you talked about how the strong bird and the melodious song were reflections of things that the person the narrator was speaking to didn't fulfill. Like there were these possibilities of how to live -- flying and singing -- but the narrator is realizing that in this relationship, those things had never been fulfilled.

I would encourage you, for your next poem, to try taking a more specific moment instead of trying to describe the entirety of a relationship from the endpoint. There are lots of different moments in a relationship. These things don't just have to be the "firsts" or the "lasts", either. They can come at any point, but each one is specific with its own unique tone, effect, and resolution. That's what's beautiful about relationships, I think, is that they are all different. We have similar themes: meeting, date, deepening, doubt, and ending, but we go through them at different times and in different ways. If you were to choose a more specific moment, I feel like your poem would be more memorable than a general poem about disappointment in relationship, because lots and lots of people have been generally disappointed after a breakup and can write similar poems!

I would say keep the bird. It seems to be what is inspiring you to take the poem outside of just journal-entry sad words. You give it a little bit of movement here, a little bit of possible color, but you also don't have any vivid images. Could you punch them up? With solid images, we'd have an anchor to hold on to while we think about the depth of disappointment after a breakup. Readers like an anchor!

I hope this makes sense to you and is helpful. PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review.
Keep writing and good luck!

Hey, HT here to review.

Even though the formatting threw me a little, I think that it actually suits this particular piece of poetry. I don't know, I just like it the way it is.

I really like your plot/topic (I don't really know what to call it I poetry). It's sort of sweet and whimsical, but with a slightly dark undertone. (If you don't know what I'm saying, don't feel bad, I don't either.)

Just two little things that I noticed:

1)"when you said you care if I died" The second 'you' should either be 'you would' or 'you'd' to make it the proper context for what you are saying in this sentence. (Personally, I'd go with 'you'd'.)

2) So I'll listen to the little bird,--
This kind of bugs me because it does not stay within the rhyming pattern you have set (with every two lines rhyming with one another, but you know that). But, as with the formatting, I think this actually works for this poem. In other words, I don't really think that you should change it.

It does bother me a little because it doesn't fit the pattern, but truthfully, who needs patterns? Who needs rules? This is a writing site, for goodness sake. None of us follow the less important rules.

Happy Writing!
HT

I like the way this flows and you're on the right track, but some suggestions:

Although rhyming can be a great addition to any poem, it has to be pulled off carefully. Rhymes shouldn't be silly or forced, and they still have to truly relate with the poem, whether it's lyrical or a narrative. In other words, the rhymes should accent the poem, but not define it.

' The little bird with wings strong' - this was one of the rhymes that seemed forced. it was distracting and a bit confusing.

You could possibly say,

' The little bird with a voice so strong,
and that melodious song,
was a reflection, of the things you failed to mention'.

I added a syllable or two to the first line, but it still flows nicely, and makes more sense.
I also think you could add some more imagery. I don't get any visuals in my head when I read this, my minds just kind of...blank. The symbol of the little bird could be clever, but right now I don't know what or who the bird represents. maybe if you elaborated with imagery, or even more narration, you could help readers understand the bird.

Other than that, I think this poem is rather nice hope i could help a little and good evening!

Sorry for the weird formating. I hope that the dashes helped with the way you read it. Each dash is a new line.