Young Writers Society

Hi YWS!

As many of you already know, I've been accepted to the United States Military Academy at West Point and will leave to begin basic training ("Beast Barracks") June 30th. That doesn't leave me a lot of time to do the normal kid thing, and once I go, there will be a six to seven week period of zero Internet availability, then a much smaller window of time for me to come play here. This summer will be the longest time I've gone without YWS since I joined here three years ago, as a wee freshman.

ERGO,

I want to go on a major critiquing spree before I go. I was hoping to do a nifty thing where I complete 100 reviews in my remaining 100 days. Then I counted and realized that I actually had 111 days to go, but 111 reviews doesn't really have as nice a ring to it, plus I'm all over the place this month with traveling (Chicago and Italy ftw!) and academic competitions (empress of Current Events, Persuasive Speaking, Duet Acting, and Original Oratory, pa-shaw!). And I missed the critiquing weekend. *holds out wrist* Yes, you may all slap my wrist.

And you may also leave your critique requests here. I do better with fiction than with poetry, although I will critique both. And I love dialogue, so if you have chunks and chunks of descriptive prose (a la Tolkien) then please make sure it's good chunks and chunks of descriptive prose, or I will be sad and stare at the screen in despair, wondering what I ever did that was so wrong that I had to critique one piece after another, filled with descriptive prose. *dramatic sigh*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... I think that's all. Leave me a link to your pieces here; I'll keep a running list in this message to mark my progress. Thanks guys!

Pieces Critiqued
Updated 06/10/08

100. Broken Bones, by Firestarter [03/31/08]
99. Cal's Contest: TIOBS, by TL G-Wooster [03/31/08]
98. Teeth, a horror story, by valiant [04/07/08]
97. Jack's NaPoWriMo Thread, by Firestarter [04/07/08]
96. Foreign Markets: 1x01 "Pilot / Alpha Dogs", by Incandescence [04/11/08]
95. Foreign Markets: 1x02 "The Package", by Incandescence [04/11/08]
94. Anniversary, by GingerLizzy [04/11/08]
93. Truth's Dawning, by Smiley [04/11/08]
92. For Matty, by JFW1415 [04/13/08]
91. Fantasizing, by JFW1415 [04/13/08]
90. Bits and Pieces: Agatha, by Suzanne [04/13/08]
89. Pandora's Box, by Snoink [04/20/08]
88. oreo, by omggdariannnn [04/20/08]
87. The things I do for Love, by babyboymilky [04/20/08]
86. Pictures of Victoria, by Mortality [04/21/08]
85. I could talk to you forever, by Alice [04/24/08]
84. Foreign Markets: 1x03 "Clubfoot", by Incandescence [04/24/08]
83. Foreign Markets: 1x04 "Swollen Grapes", by Incandescence [04/24/08]
82. Foreign Markets: 1x05 "Between a Rock and a Hard Place", by Incandescence [04/24/08]
81. And We All Go The Same Way Home, by Saint Razorblade [04/24/08]
80. Self Portrait, by OverEasy [04/24/08]
79. City Underground, by yoha_ahoy [04/27/08]
78. Misty Morning Flowers, by Sacred [04/27/08]
77. Benedict's Goodbye, by Jennafina [06/02/08]
76. The Romantic Writer, by ~Volant~ [06/02/08]
75. Sister of Mine, by chocoholic [06/05/08]
74. The Sundress, by elephantwalrus [06/09/08]
73. God Still Loves You (1), by Suzanne [06/09/08]
72. Missa Nautica (for Cal's Contest), by Sam [06/09/08]
71. God Still Loves You (2), by Suzanne [06/09/08]
70. Gerrymandering (1), by Sam [06/09/08]
69. Sunset, by lit-chick-4evaa [06/09/08]
68. Gerrymandering (2), by Sam [06/09/08]
67. God Still Loves You (3), by Suzanne [06/09/08]
66. Two Shakes of A Lamb's Tail, by Trident [06/09/08]
65. God Still Loves You (4), by Suzanne [06/09/08]
64. Long Line, Sweetheart, by Trident [06/09/08]
63. StoweAway #1, by BigBadBear [06/10/08]
62. Bruises (Drunken Alcoholic), by Sportgurl46 [06/10/08]
61. Cooties, by Monki [06/10/08]
60. One Fall, by chocoholic [06/11/08]
59.
58.
57.
56.
55.
54.
53.
52.
51.
50.
49.
48.
47.
46.
45,
43,
42,
41,
40.

Hehe, well I've got two, if you don't mind and they're both chocked full of dialogue. Here they are:


topic26811.html


topic26493.html

topic18284.html there's three there for ya!

Pfft. Here I am, doing 76 in just 4 days... wimp.

I'm always thirsty for critiques on this baby: topic26460.html

And if you get really desperate and/or you want to sit in for the long haul, my portfolio (or what's left of it) is always open. ^_^

-:pirate3:

Hehe, you make me want to write something so you can critique it. Maybe I will. xD

Hey! Well, I wanted to wish you luck. It seems so exciting!

Well, here you go. I think this is my... best written piece yet. XD

topic25918.html

And then I have a poem, but you said that you weren't too good with them, in my signature. I really need help with that guy.

Thanks, and good luck!

-Jared

topic20159.html - A short piece with too much dialogue towards the end. Thank you, Ari and let me know if I can return the favour.

topic25485.html

I'll miss you! Enjoy West Point, and I know we don't talk a lot, but I would love to hear how it is. I highly respect the fact that you are going into our military!! It means a lot to me.

Good luck, Ari! Here's my story to crit before you go. topic26804.html

Well, I hope you get to your goal!

topic26754.html << This is mine, a poem.

But, I'm also gonna ask you to critique a piece of someone else's [if that's allowed] because I love it so much and think she deserves more reviews to get some pointers.

topic26392.html
topic26679.html

That's the amount of her first chapter that she's done so far There's a prologue too, but I dont want to ask too much of you.

Saint Razorblade wrote:Pfft. Here I am, doing 76 in just 4 days... wimp.

Yes, did I mention that I was a weak and flabby critiquer? No? Oh well. I confess: I am. There are at least twenty people that I can think of off the top of my head that are far more prolific and gifted critiquers than I.

But hey, I'm offering, so who's complaining? XD

Anyway, thanks for the requests, guys. It'll give me some direction. And thank you all for the well-wishes. I appreciate it.

Military camp? Sounds exciting!

My prologue [it needs some major work, but I'm kinda stuck... any help would be greatly appreciated!]
We all fall down [this is basically a super-short exercise for description, so don't feel obliged to critique it at all if you don't like descriptive prose]
Alphess: part one [my current project. Any help with characterization would be really, really appreciated.]

Good luck!

- Camille xx

PS. Maybe I'll go critique something of yours? Hmm....

I very much envy you for going into the military.

Anyway, I have nothing for you to critique. But I'll write something just for you

DoaV Prologue Part 1: topic26581.html
DoaV Prologue Part 2: topic26947.html

And if you still have time there's the original prologue (completely different from the one above, it's going to end up being the new chapter one, which is why crits are helpful ^_^)
Part 1: topic26095.html
Part 2: topic26148.html

Good luck Ari! We'll all miss you.

As far as critiques go! These two are lonely. Thanks! *huggle*

Circus Pirates: topic26739.html

Circus Pirates 2:http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic26986.html

~Yoyo