I essentially always prefer the simple to the complex, but I enjoyed the varied vocabulary in the beginning paragraphs, even though the style wasn't really my usual thing. This was the first place the description became too much for me:
“All aboard,” he called at the top of his baritone voice, reverberating off the trees and making Jaden wince – every sound was one that could give him away.
Just cut the "baritone" description.
i.e. "All aboard," he called at the top of his voice, and the sound reverberated off the trees. Jaden winced; any sound could give him away.
You don't have to use that; it just seems cleaner to me.
Jaden shut out all thoughts of the war and climbed aboard the train, throwing his lone bag underneath a table affixed to the wall and sitting down in one of the seats surrounding it.
"Lone bag" makes this too bulky. Cut the lone and you're good to go.
He leaned back against the chair, feeling like he’d rather be naked. He wore a dead man’s clothes – Jaden had found the corpse in the woods. Another innocent life claimed by the war.
Awkwardly phrased, but an intriguing paragraph just the same.
Perhumps:
He leaned back against the chair. He was wearing a dead man's clothes - clothes he'd taken off a corpse he'd found in the woods. Another innocent life claimed by the war. He'd rather be naked.
Jaden pulled out the photograph – it showed a young woman, just barely in the tail end of her twenties.
"Just barely in the tail end of her twenties" is so... blah. Can you make this prettier? We're getting into the meat of the story now! Which is so exciting, but this really distracted me.
My other main issue was the name of the main character. Why Jaden? I thought it was a more modern name, and certainly not one that would have been commonly (or even uncommonly) used during the 40's.
So there you go! All very minor suggestions hear, m'dear. I really enjoyed this piece, and am quite impressed by the oodles of talent you seem to have at your disposal. Kudos!
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