Young Writers Society

Removed.

Squee!

Now, my family thinks I'm somewhat insane because - as you know - I did actually laugh out loud during this. You're a legend and a half.

I really, really enjoyed this. Alex is an ass, and Lena makes my life happy. Luke is soooooo adorable. ^^ I want one of my very own.

Now, you must proceed to make me happy by writing like the minx you are, and pulling out a new episode soon. ^^

Squee, indeed. ^^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

You didn't lie! This was a great episode, really funny. I loved the bit with Luke in the bathroom and Simone oblivious to what was going on. Also, "They're so far in the closet they don't even know there's a door yet." -- best line ever.

Told you I'd comment!

*giggles* Lovely! I was shocked to see Lena and Sunshine actually being.. -nice- to each other... Okay, maybe not nice... but definitely more than civil.

Ann gains points! She is trying to get James back and therefore I like her. *nods and then swats Luke upside the head* He needs to admit that, while that may not be his full issue, he does too miss James.

Now if you can have the next episode up as quickly as you did this one.. I will love you forever and a half. *nods*

~Rea.

Hey, Brad. ^_^

ASSORTED NOTES:

- I love the cat. This is totally random, but if you used he/she/it as a sort of motif and it became a central character, that would be amazing.

- If you got it, flaunt it. Mainly? The Bible/masturbation scene. It's amazing, but if you're going to slam something, do so mercilessly. In order for this script to cross the line before "Oh, goodness, these people are terribly funny" into "I cannot BELIEVE he/she/it/ did that", you need fearlessness. And that, my friend, can be found in many of your scenes. You just need to make it more apparent.

- The cultural thing. British people are amusing. Flaunt it.

- I wanted to see them reviewing more work, just because teenage writing is so easy to tear apart and laugh at. Read some submissions aloud.

- You could totally tell this was written by a dude. While not necessarily a a bad thing, you might need to take a tip from Sunshine and get in touch with your feminine side--you need a little zen in your script. While sex and cars are very nice things, balance the humor to make it more accessible (this is not a cop-out, it's one of those silly "flaunt it" things I mentioned earlier) and to give you more opportunities for jokes and social cracks.

Of course, if you need my opinion on something, just ask. ^_^

*pokes* You're evil, you know that?

Now I have to go and read all of the other episodes.

Still, I will say that from what I've seen, "Foreign Markets" is very good. All the characters are very vivid and I can see each scene playing out in my head. Apparently you're talented at everything :p

*wanders off to read more, following the candy trail*

SUNSHINE
Lena, the options were light and sharp or dark and blurred!

Good ol' Sunshine...

LUKE
I'm not trying your nuts.

Haha!

ALEX (CONT'D)
We're have a little trouble. I just need a place to crash for a bit, until she realizes how much she needs me.

This was just as great as the others. Keep it up. On that note, how far are you on number 6?

Ann -- Still think of her as a villain, regardless of her trying to get James back. I give her kudos for it, but she's not doing it because she misses James, she's doing it to keep from losing loads of money, which is a perfectly understandable reason. She's just... rawr. I don't like her.

Lena and the rest of the gang -- Glad they miss James, even if not much. Except Alex, who is a jerk, but a funny jerk. I don't think he feels James's absence so much... And I'm glad Luke finally told Lena off, even if it was done by correcting her. I've been waiting for either him or James to give the group the real story since episode one. Glad Luke finally did it.


Simone -- Conflict. I feel for Luke. Hope he gets out of this one okay, and I can't wait to see how, when/if he does.

Thanks again, Brad!



Dreamer

Best. Masturbation. Scene. Ever.

Actually, Simone reminds me of this one girl I know. She was making out in the parking lot and then blushing because people saw her! OH MY GOSH! And it's funny because when I asked her whether she had a threesome since she says God is her lover, she said yes.

SO.

You have to make Simone say that they have a threesome with God as well. That would be so freaking amazing and you should do it. Or else.

Post the next one soon!

Luke is my hero. When he was with Simone I was like...oh come on, he's just going to go through that and do nothing. No he's Luke, he's going to do something to help himself out...and then he did! It was awesome. Simone, asking questions about the bible as he was masturbating, that was classic. I really want to see this played out. As for Lena. Still hilarious. I like how her and Sunshine are sort of getting along now. And Alex...who is still extremely odd, is also funny. He says some random things. I don't know if it's just me, but he always seems high or drunk, that could just be his personality, or it could be true. But yeah, I want Luke to miss James! I miss James! He should miss him too! Besides that, you have the best lines ever. All of them seem new and there's nothing that's just straight out cliche. Very well done. Now to the 6th and then I get to bug you!

~Rieda

I love how Ann is really starting to take control of everything and the scene with Simone and Luke was just so perfect. Seriously, how do you think up these characters and situations?

I felt that Jeremy should perhaps be a little more interactive with the other characters and I'd love to see them getting more work done. Actually, I'd quite like to see Alex trying to get involved or even just starting to think about his next model shoot/ porn video.

James and the cat were both very much missed so bring them back soon and I can't wait for Lena's 'mama' to visit, I have a feeling she's going to be an excellent character!

I definitely LOL'ed on the second section. Oh, Luke, whatever are we going to do with you, poor soul?

More favorites:

LENA
(to Sunshine)
Aww, boys are so cute when they're touchy.

Sunshine nods enthusiastically.

LUKE
Since when have you two been so close?

Lena shrugs, reaching out and stroking Luke's arm.

LENA
You know how we girls are when cute damaged boys get close. We have to rally together, nurse him back to health.

Luke looks down at her hand.

LUKE
What…are you doing?

Lena continues stroking him.

LENA
I'm…petting you?

Hmph. And you thought I wouldn't comment. I told you I was going to read these and leave random, incoherent comments on EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM once my life simmered down a little. So there.

Quote:
SUNSHINE
Lena, the options were light and sharp or dark and blurred!


Good ol' Sunshine...

Quote:
LUKE
I'm not trying your nuts.


Haha!

Quote:
ALEX (CONT'D)
We're have a little trouble. I just need a place to crash for a bit, until she realizes how much she needs me.


This was just as great as the others. Keep it up. On that note, how far are you on number 6?

Ann -- Still think of her as a villain, regardless of her trying to get James back. I give her kudos for it, but she's not doing it because she misses James, she's doing it to keep from losing loads of money, which is a perfectly understandable reason. She's just... rawr. I don't like her.

Lena and the rest of the gang -- Glad they miss James, even if not much. Except Alex, who is a jerk, but a funny jerk. I don't think he feels James's absence so much... And I'm glad Luke finally told Lena off, even if it was done by correcting her. I've been waiting for either him or James to give the group the real story since episode one. Glad Luke finally did it.


Simone -- Conflict. I feel for Luke. Hope he gets out of this one okay, and I can't wait to see how, when/if he does.

really great! I loved it. fantastically wonderful...and my thesaurus is missing so i cant think of another word. i really like the cat, it was awesome! I was laughing through most of it. I think that Jeremy really needs to get more involved in the story though. well keep up the good work! I cant wait for more!