Twinkle Twinkle (An Ode to a Star)

Firestarter wrote:Hey inkwell,

For every word another is snuffed.

Just to say I thought this line felt great to read. The sonic similarity of "another" and "snuffed" worked really well together.

I thought "phantasmal" seemed a bit forced, like you wanted to fit an interesting word in there.

The concept of it you gazing at it and it gazing back seemed a bit weak, too. You could do better. That was pretty cliche.

The first stanza was miles better than the rest. The rhyme scheme I barely noticed, but it sounded great. I think you should scrap the rest and structure like you did the first four lines, which are much stronger.

Hey inkwell,

For every word another is snuffed.

Thanks and forgive me, most of my poems have a signature stamp of confusion that I never intend.

Hello there! Ya I agree with Smashles. It was a bit confusing at parts. But I like your word choice, and I like how you worded it as well, even though it was partially confusing lol. I also liked the way you had this formatted. Keep up the good work! Hope I helped

Hey there inkwell!
It's a pretty good poem you've got going there, though it was a tad confusing...
I like the wording you used and I'm guessing it's a little bit metaphorical someow. I'm still confused on what the story is though...
Apart from my lack of interpretation skills, it's a very good poem. Well written and structured.
Love it!
Keep writing,
Smashles