The Kitchen Dance
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The cozy suburbs nestled in
jagged mountains. Painted blue skies and
puffy white clouds. Cookie cutter
house on streets of deja vu.
Never have I danced as I did
then, my knives all flashing, my hair all streaming,
my mother red with laughter, my father shouting,
half human, half estranged. Ambiguity
raping every thing that moved.
The world at last a meadow,
the three of us whirling and singing, the three of us
screaming and falling, as if we were dying.
As if we could never stop--in 2009--
in my disheveled kitchen, beautiful filthy kitchen,
five thousand miles away
from the others dancing--in Iraq and Somalia--
oh God of mercy, oh wild God.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,103 Literary Works • 673,002 Reviews
Literally couldn't find one thing wrong with this. A beautiful, well written piece of work. It's very refreshing to read something like this...you've definitely made a lasting impression on me!
Hello there
I have never said this before but this was a very colourful poem! As I read this, the general flow of your words created a form of dance in my head and it was swaying around in slow motion. It's also quite thought provoking. I love poems that make me think for a second. It's definitely something I have not seen in quite a while.
Good job
hello i am here to review!
it was a wonderful combination of cooking and dancing. i think you need to high light the characters personality more. as in you have said that there was a feeling of deja vu and i understand why you meant to write that but if you have had that feeling in the past you need to make it more living and the dance will come to life.
Thanks retro! I won't change a thing.
Well done a million times over.
This is one of the most powerful poems I have ever read. You used enjambment perfectly, it all flowed right.
Do not change a thing. That is an order. Change it and ruin it. It really is that simple.
PM for anything.
~Retro Disco666