The world pinches off
in a gossamer, sprightly bubble,
and adrenaline surges like
that of a falling dreamer
hitting the oh so real yet
imaginary ground-
when our eyes meet.
A cutting, nasally and ignorant remark
from the teacher juts through the air
like an accidental fart. She turns her
back to write her ego on the board.
My whole, aching body sighs
and a little, timid noise
escapes my distracted lips
as daydreams gain
a morsel, a scrappy but tasty
crumb, of credibility-
when our eyes meet.
"Stand for the pledge!" forces itself
above the din. I sit in
liberal defiance against
the chauvinistic institution.
Then my unrestrained self
leaves its desk-shaped
prison cage and waltzes over to yours,
dances to flamboyant music,
picks the lock
and sets you free-
when our eyes meet.
An improv lecture on what it is to be
an adult rattles in the empty skulls
of hungry, trite, teens-
I tune out as well.
Adolescence is a fickle bitch.
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138,236 Literary Works • 672,088 Reviews
This poem was as beautiful as it was realistic. Never have I read something that so accurately describes the life of a daydreamer during a horrid class. This poem is one of my favorites of all time. From the gorgeous opening to the sad but true conclusion this poem was a pleasure to read. I really love this stanza,
"A cutting, nasally and ignorant remark
from the teacher juts through the air
like an accidental fart. She turns her
back to write her ego on the board."
There is so much truth to it. The last line, "She turns her back to write her ego on the board." is such a genius line. I'm probably going to be repeating it to myself for the next week, as I do with lines I love.
I really love your word choice, especially the use of the word "chauvinistic." Great word, that is. It's clear from this word that you have a great vocabulary.
Well as I'm reading this over, I'm finding its less of a review and more just me praising the shit out of this poem. Let me just say I'd tell you something was wrong with this piece if I could find something.
Well done and keep up the good work!
I enjoyed the poem very much and I found it very easy to relate to.
I had a laughing fit when I read the last sentance.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I'm definatly agree with you my friend.
Again I really liked it and I hope to read more poems from you like this one!
Well, learn something new every day. If you intended it to be humourous, then nice work. Very good poem.
This poem made me laugh, and I'm being honest. This is a poem that I'm sure multiple people can relate to. Especially the part about seeing someone in the classroom and being cut off by the teacher. Overall I found this as a humorous approach on something that so many young people write about as being sad and depressing when it really isn't. It's just a part of growing up. Nothing really major about it.
Thanks for the crit! But you are wrong about "gossamer" as I used to be. It actually can take the form of an adjective. There were parts where I was being humorous I suppose, not every poem has to be dead serious.
Hey there! 'fraid I don't have time for a very long review, but I can give you a quicky.
I really liked this poem! I can absolutely relate to not saying the pledge. We do a similar thing in my school before prayer. I though this poem was worded very nicely overall. The only real problems I had were when you said "gossamer". Gossamer cannot really be used as an adjective- it is a noun. Or it has been in every context I've ever seen it used. The second stanza was fine, but it made me chuckle. I'm not sure humour was quite what you were going for there. I extremely enjoyed the last line- it made me grin. It's so true. My favourite part was probably the fourth stanza. It rang very true, as I mentioned.
Overall, lovely work. You have some real talent.
-Tori