The soft, leafy steam was
tender and fragrant.
Imaginary jazz meandered
in the space between.
I poured white, creamy milk-
The Earl was drunk.
Broken tea bags leaked
into tepid water.
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138,236 Literary Works • 672,088 Reviews
I like your style of strong hints and compact work. the tea here is simply tea but it isn't. its really awesome...
I liked the phrase "Imaginary jazz"
but i suggest try some other line in place of "I poured white, creamy milk-"- its quite low in the poem's standard, may be use thee sense but in a more vivid way
i hardy own the capacity to criticize such good authors, just keep writing and i would certainly like to read them.
keep writing,
Rituparna
I really like this. In a weird way I thought I saw steam coming off the words when I read this, It's really good and real.
There's something about this poem I just can't put my finger on. Keeeeeeeep writing is really good. antidisatablishmentarianism. Goodbye
The soft, leafy steam was
tender and fragrant.
I can just see[i] and taste[/i] the tea here!
Imaginary jazz meandered
in the space between.
Tea and jazz. They mix perfectly
I poured white, creamy milk-
The Earl was drunk.
Broken tea bags leaked
into tepid water.
Tepid is a good word for this.
Very nice poem, good imagery.
The soft, leafy steam was
tender and fragrant.
I can just see[i] and taste[/i] the tea here!
Imaginary jazz meandered
in the space between.
Tea and jazz. They mix perfectly
I poured white, creamy milk-
The Earl was drunk.
Broken tea bags leaked
into tepid water.
Tepid is a good word for this.
Very nice poem, good imagery.
@Lavender Thanks for the thorough review. I will argue with you though, however, as a an avid consumer of tea that Earl Grey can be used in reference to black tea in general, although you're right that it's usage is often not. I didn't think anyone would catch that. Then again who knows, maybe I wasn't talking about tea... :p
@Everyone Else thanks for the comments, valuable insights.
Hi inkwell. Great name by the way
I'm Lavvi, here to review.
I really liked this poem. Rarely do I see poems with two line stanzas and I quite liked this one. The way you wrote it added a beautiful simplicity, and yet you still managed to make it have a slightly mysterious aura. I don't know if I'm making any sense...but I loved it. There were a few things you might want to check out, though:
Okay, these are good lines, but they need tweaking. First off, there are no "leaves" of any sort in an Earl Grey tea, whish I assume you are alluding towards in the second quote. Earl Grey tea is in fact the oil extract of the rind of bergamot orange. No leaves, sad to say. Perhaps find a replacement for your word "leafy" in the first quote as the second line I have quoted is quite witty, I must admit
As mentioned before by another, this stanza seems quite off. It doesn't really fit into the short poem in this location. Perhaps try removing this stanza to another part of your small poem-- it might work better elsewhere. It is a nice, simplistic stanza and I would hate to see it deleted from the poem. I suggest maybe at the very beginning or somewhere in the middle. It might have to change other parts of the poem to fit this in, but I'd love to keep it in the poem
And "tepid" is a great word, by the way.
Lavvi
It's witty and simple, which is what I love in a poem! I loved "The Earl was drunk." That line made me laugh. This really isn't much of a review but I just wanna say I like the poem. Keep it up!
Hello there
First of all, I was drawn to this poem by the title. Although the poem is very witty and different, to me it was just too simple. There are aspects that are left out or missing, which is why it lacks the 'amazing' factor for me. I mean it was going well in the first three stanzas but the last one is just out of no where. There is no 'in between' between the third and last stanza. I don't know, maybe I'm not getting what you were aiming for, but that's just me.
Keep writing and good luck
Thank you for the generous reviews! Of course you can do whatever the hell you want with my poem.
Haha, I really like this. It's simple but at the same time it holds a clever wit, which is what makes it work so well. There were some really smart lines like "the earl was drunk" (that made me laugh). Do you think that I could add this to one of my anthologies? The poem stays to your credit, but it'll also get extra views once it's not on the recents page. Just message me if you'd rather I didn't, but otherwise I'd really like to.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Hahaha. This poem is short and sweet and, frankly, pure genius. I loved the whole thing! I liked the parts about "imaginary jazz" and "the Earl was drunk." This isn't really a review but oh well. Great job!
Cool, I really like it. It's really original! I especially like the line "The Earl was drunk." That line is clever, yeah there's just something about this poem. I'm not sure what it is, I guess the lines hide messages and you can sense them so you can't help but read it again and again and again. Well done, and Merry Christmas!