Faceless cannon fodder:
two million, four hundred eighty thousand, three hundred thirty-five -
dead,
according to the government,
according to Wikipedia,
according to myself,
according to my therapist,
burned for Moloch, Mammon, Madonna,
protecting my right to be
bored. The epitaphs are billboards,
and in the ticky-tacky tombs
isn't a single hero.
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140,673 Literary Works • 673,588 Reviews
'Ello Inkwell.
Aren't you just so clever addressing media so cynically. In reality, this was pretentious enough to make me cough. You're excitedly feeding me this information that's rather meaningless to me and assuming that I'm so easily entertained by your clever combination of words that convey this absolutely unstirring message.
Your stab at humour and depth is lost nearly as quickly as it becomes clear that that's your attempt. Don't throw yourself at pop culture until you really understand what you're saying and have a clear grasp on how to grab your audience's attention, keep it, communicate a message and have me, the reader, retain it. Because for the moment, you have neither my full attention nor have you clearly communicated in a way powerful enough for me to think about it after the poem. You have to make it clear to me that what you're telling me is an opinion I should take a listen too and not an overly pretentious message, lightly sweetened with some safe, and boring humour. You have to make it clear to your reader what you're telling me, and what you're talking about specifically and if you're going to attempt to make me laugh, do so in a more interesting manner take some risks. If you're going to roast pop culture, REALLY roast it.
Also, I'm sure you're fully aware of the concept of flow and rhythm and what it feels/sounds like when you read a piece of writing. Your cuts make it impossible for me to work through the poem naturally, forcing me to stop at awkward parts that isn't quite smooth enough to fit a breath in so it results in me stopping at every line break.
Best of luck,
Kamas
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Very nice I love this. Don't change a thing keep it seriously funny.
Brilliant. Think it's a great poem with a wonderful message - well done.
I HATE YOU!!!!!!
Because you made me laugh in public!!!!!
I was very embarrassed because your poem is too funny!!!
Why do you have to be funny?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Why do you have to be so funny?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Well, at least I love your poem right!
Write more poems like this for the sake of my shame and happiness.
With both hate and love,
Al