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140,103 Literary Works • 673,002 Reviews
Hi inkwell!
I really like the feeling of this, how you frame it around boiling water and making coffee. It's like I'm sitting down with an old friend, discussing love and what it means and happiness. Really, just a catch up chat with a friend. It's quiet and pondering. Your pacing is exquisite, really.
I'm not usually a fan of one word lines, but I feel like you've used this to its greatest effect, and it works. I'm not really sure how to give any criticism because I just really, really liked this.
The contradictions in the first stanza work, but I was expecting more in later stanzas, when there were none. Each stanza does seem to be about something else, yet the same thing. Oh, gosh, you're just so good, aren't you?
The philosophy of love is delightful, bringing things to my mind that I had not thought about before, enjoying it intensely, but not being able to decipher it.
Sorry, I fangirled a little.
I hope that this proves useful to you in some way. I really enjoyed reading this. Happy poeting!
Hey!
This poem is relaxing (as others had mentioned) and it flows quite nicely.
The first paragraph is really good, in my opinion, because it leaves you with a question to think about for the rest of the poem. It also seems more of a rhetorical question than one to answer.
I also like how you didn't use capitalization anywhere in the piece. That makes this even more mysterious and suspenseful. It gives you th yearning to want to know more about life and time in general.
I really like the second paragraph about asking if we ever make the same cup of coffee twice and then how you descriptively explained how the cream spins and doesn't care how we want it to move, it does its own thing.
But, in the third paragraph, don't get me wrong, I loved the ending about Edith Piaf. But, I didn't get the first part about the needle and vinyl. Also, I noticed you didn't use capitalization but I think you should for the name. Although, you don't have to. It's just my opinion.
I also think the title is as mysterious as the piece.
Thank you for giving me the pleasure to read this wonderful piece of writing.
Great job!
Keep writing!,
~Tiff
*spine tingles*
This poem is very relaxing with all the questions and thoughts that the narrator puts down on paper. The title even makes this poem more interesting. When do we have the kettle boiling or when do we usually have coffee? In the morning. It could be the morning depending if the sun hasn't risen yet, or the couple in their home is about to go to work. The end struck me the most. It proves to me that even the simplest of things, like listening to records, could be extremely romantic. I really like this poem. Please keep writing more.
Hello there!
So, once again, as I feel I must say with almost all poems I see here, you need to capitalize the first letter of the line. I almost regret saying that here, because it actually seems better without any capitalization. It would almost take away from it. But, see what you think.
It kills me that you did not put in commas in line four. That murders me. See the blood spill, for that wounded me deeply.
Other than those two small things, I believe this is beautifully written. You've managed to deliver a stale thing in a new way. Not a lot of people have yet figured how to do that, so you're doing great in my opinion. I'll take a look at some of your other work to get an idea for your style a bit better.
Keep writing!
I bet the poets whose poems you comment on with nothing but capitalization and punctuation nitpicks are just as tired of you saying it as you are. Poetry is an art form, and punctuation and capitalization become purely stylistic choices that are up to the writer. Go read some E. E. Cummings for goodness sake.
You really aren't supposed to point these two things and these things alone out and call it a review here.
@rhiasofia I'm very sorry. I go by what I have learned. I grew up being told that the first letter of a line was always capitalized and that many normal rules in English were still in place for poetry. I don't only point out things such as these in my reviews, but, not only am I rather new to the site and reviewing in general, I also did not find much else to say. I apologize if my way of reviewing upsets you. That, however, does not mean that I will change my ways.
the thing is, you're saying that the poet is wrong, when instead, it is a stylistic choice that belongs to the author. feel free to suggest it, but don't say "you need to" as nobody needs to capitalize anything. even if it goes against normal english rules.
"I grew up being told that the first letter of a line was always capitalized and that many normal rules in English were still in place for poetry."
1. The capitals in poetry are often changed to satisfy the publisher. It doesn't effect the flow of the poem when changed either. It doesn't effect anything important - though punctuation is fine to comment on because it does.
2. Normal rules for English have never been followed in poetry especially with famous poets (look around).
3. What you have learned was by people who generally don't do poetry. I.E the highschool teacher teaching creative writing. They spread false information all the time.
4. The first letter in every line having to have a capital is a complete myth.
Also, I don't think it upsets us much. We are trying to point you in the right direction. If you want more references, I wrote a guide. How to poetry review
If not, that is okay too.
Thank you, Monsters, for pointing me in the right direction. I'll look as soon as I can.
Hello there Inkwell! This'll be my first review, so have mercy!
This was actually a very beautiful poem; the first stanza bugged me slightly (mostly because there is no punctuation between 'flies' 'soars' and 'sings', which threw me off just a bit where flow is concerned) but other than that I loved it!
Especially the last stanza... I just fell in love with it; specifically with the last three lines.
I know a lot of poets - including myself, on occasion--don't punctuate or capitalize letters or lines, so I'll leave that alone.
Um... I can't find any spelling/grammar errors, so I suppose I don't have many nit-picks!
Thanks so much for posting this! I really enjoyed reading it; you write some wonderful pieces!
Thank you. Re punctuation: I'd like to see more YWSers abandon the strictness of grammar and take more liberty in expressing themselves. Does reading three verbs without a comma feel...fast?
Good morning to you Inkwell. A pleasure of course, and lets go ahead and get right into it shall we?
I am happy to have read such a marvelous display of thought and even pleasure myself to listening to a bit of French because of it. You do that man an honor and justice.
I have decided to take this a verse at a time. Since the individual stanza to the whole intrigues me. The first verse here, to begin with an oxymoron is what first caught my attention. That is, to be slow and all of the sudden in a single thought. And is it happiness? To ask after having such an analogy between two differences is to ask if we could also be unhappy. That is, not to be an entirely different emotion, but the opposite. Slowly and all of a sudden, happy and unhappy. In happiness, we can assume that the surplus, or lack of time would effect how we view such emotions. And I believe that, perhaps not the single defining piece, the most well privileged word in this stanza is forward. As if to say on contrary it isn't of concern as long as you move in the general direction who's destination, though perhaps unknown, would come to fruition. Whether that come slowly or suddenly.
Now, do we? This question is a general pretext to the overall stanza where the last line is the genius behind the verse. To say it does not care to your opinions on the matter to which it operates is essentially a repeat of what has already been said. It's difference, and therefore its power, lies in its surreal ability to allow us an image of time as some metaphysical thing. Something we can control, or perhaps not control, but influence in some degree. Our coffee will not always be served to us black, and even so it can be sweetened to our liking.
And then to the climax, the conclusion of what we see as happiness in all of its stereotypical form. Love. Do not fret, though it has been done your verse still has a bittersweet punch of originality. And the fact you know of Piath. Delightful. Moving on, you would be correct to say we are not ready. To compliment the rest of your work, the vinyl represents the rhythm of time you are used to. The way we often find ourselves in the rotten ruts that govern our everyday. To have that suddenly stopped is of course, a moment none can prepare for. And then to bring us back to the slow of things, it of course takes considerable patience to listen to the sweet agony of music we cannot understand. To listen in earnest rather to anything is a feat of slow reward. It was a lovely way to end such poetry, moving in fact.
To be critiqual, I would say that your fourth line, first verse can be cleaned up. It seemed rushed and unstructured to the whole of the rest of your piece. I couldn't figure out how to read it fluently without having to go over it time and again. Secondly, you're capitalization: more of a personal opinion, but it gives a credit of professionalism where this piece is justly due.
Also, before I forget to compliment the matter, you're language was beautiful. It was in all ways simple, and just intricately scripted to leave us savoring the imagery that you've left us to imagine. Excellently written.
Till next time my friend.