Young Writers Society

Thanks everyone for the generous reviews! In response to Rob, the China part was just a reference to how everything we consume tends to be manufactured in China anyway, especially at Walmart, and it gave the poem a global perspective in my opinion. It had alliteration with "cheap chair" as well!

Ok, on with this review...

I noticed you have a very advanced vocabulary and I enjoyed reading it and recognizing the familiar shops/cafes. (I do live in England so I only recognized a few.) But it was quite unique and I have never read a poem in that style before, as I said, it is surley unique. It scared me that a funeral story can be mixed with shops...

I've tried looking for nitpicks, but unfortunatley I can't find any...good work!

Good work, I hope you have very unique poems like this also. So I congratulate you on this poem and I hope to see more of your work in the future, maybe even published!

Hey there, Inkwell. I'm here to review your poem. ^^

I must say, this was strange. But not strange in a bad way--strange in a good way. I liked it. I liked everything about it, the imagery, the somewhat fractured flow and rythym. It was wonderful, truly wonderful. And ironicly, it was a little amusing. Call me crazy, or strange, I don't mind. But I think that touch of amusing works well and might well have been what gives this poem a little something, well, more. It's not a perfect poem, and I like that. I never was a fan of perfection, anyways.

As for nitpicking... I'm afraid to say, that sadly, I have none. But that's a good thing. Overall, Inkwell, this was a brilliantly twisted little poem and I simply adore it. Really, I do. *clicks like* Thank you for the brilliantly beautiful and tragicly twisted if somewhat amusing poem. I love it. ^^ Remember, keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar. ^^

Strange.. Really strange..
Guess that is why I like it.
It is no ordinary poem , combining consumerism and death , which are two things I've never thought of using in the same sentence. The word choice is amazing , and the emotions you've brought up are really strong.

rewound origami - collapsing

Thanks Pandora! It was attempt to, as Jennya sensed, describe death and consumerism in the context of one another. To use a consumed product as a metaphor for a dead person and from there comment on how we value life and value stuff.

I was a pallbearer at a funeral recently and I remember forgetting my gloves and having to touch the cold metal itself. I was detached from the whole scene and just kind of thinking how inconvenient the whole deal was. That influenced some of the poem because I was so shocked afterwards at how much the body was just an object to me, (which it is) and that made me think of Marx's notion of commodity fetishism and thus a poem was born!

This was wonderful. Your use of words is fantastic. I had to read it slowly and thoroughly, which made me appreciate it so much more.
I especially liked the origami part. Im also not entirely sure what its exactly about but I get the feeling it doesn't really matter?
well done!

I loved this. Strangely haunting for something about something ( what was this about ?) bought in Wal-mart. A nice poem about consumerism. I like how it's quite ambiguous and really leaves the reader thinking. Very beautiful.

I really don't have anything to say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your poem I can find. Great work!