Focus forces to
lift
from the blur your sharp hazel
eyes.
Infinite, hollow innuendos
suspend
the formless fiction of
love.
Curves correspond and
rift
in symmetry, like flower
pedals.
Time loses its context and
upends
into the eternal and
ephemeral,
remiss to
all
who watch us
kiss.
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Canary word: Present
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139,429 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
This is simply beautiful. I have always loved your work and this is nothing short of the rest of your poems. I love the syle of the stanzas. It reminds me so much of E.E. Cummings, my favorite poet. I love the adjectives you use and how you all tie it into a love poem. I never like love poems but I love this one.
It seemed a little choppy at first. I had to read it twice, but I don't know how you would fix that. Other than that this is amazing.
-Flow-
I loved the words. Especially this:
I'm tempted to steal that and put it somewhere x) But I won't. ..Anyway, the only thing that I personally could think of that stuck out like a sore thumb to me was the style you put it in. The way you broke it all up and the way the lines were spaced out was a little weird. But maybe that's just me. Either way, I figured I'd make a note of it in my review. Because the words were so nice, I don't think the weird spacing patterns were that necessary. But again, this is my own opinion.
Your ending was very nice. The way you ended it on such a mellow/dramatic note was really very nice. Good job with this. But I'm sorry to say that I too am stumped at how this could be tweaked to be better. 0_o I'll come back if I think of anything, but maybe someone else might have luck in pointing something out that I couldn't.
PS..
Spoiler
This is great x).. Keep writing beautiful poetry.