Young Writers Society

Hi there dogsrule5! Niteowl here to review this fine Review Day!

Overall, I like the concept of this and the idea of personifying anxiety. I also struggle with anxiety so I can relate to the idea here.

For some reason, I'm remembering this commercial for an IBS medicine where the woman is trying to live her life but the symptoms are personified as an annoying person getting in the way, like making her cancel plans or feel miserable right before a date. I feel like this poem is going for a similar effect, but I'm not seeing what the anxiety looks like or really seeing their effects on the person, so it's not as strong as it could be.

So I like the idea, but I feel like you could do more with it. The piece says "you're there" a lot, but doesn't do a whole lot to bring the anxiety to life. I want to see this anxiety in action, hear what it's saying when the person is with their friends and family, in school, etc. What would this personification of anxiety look like? What does it say and how does it speak? How does it interact with the world--only the speaker can see their anxiety, but others can certainly feel its effects. Use some imagery and really bring this personification to life.

Overall, I think it's great that you're writing about something this important and I'd love to see you do a little more with the idea. Keep writing!

Hi! It's great that you're tackling an often difficult to discuss/ express topic like anxiety. I'm heavily against how mental issues are romanticised in media and film by those who don't understand them, so I particularly like that you expressed a hard truth: that things like anxiety tend to stick with you throughout your life and are nigh impossible to "cure".

I somehow like how direct your writing is here. Usually, I appreciate more subtlety, but for this poem the bluntness makes it feel more personal and intimate, so it works. I also think the image you're painting of anxiety constantly following you, although maybe not extremely unique, is quite effective.

However, because the poem is so direct, I feel that you could have benefitted from using stronger and more intense word choices and imagery. For example, I understand that from "I'm with my friends and family", you're trying to convey how anxiety is there even when you're surrounded by love and care, but because there's not much detail or flair to the statement, it comes off as a bit flat and it may not stick in your reader's mind as much. Metaphors can really help with this because they tickle a reader's imagination.

If you want an example, here's something I thought up:
"You seep between the cracks
in my shield of friends and family"

I also noticed that there are a few "filler" words you use that kind of slow down the pace of the poem. It's good to take out the words that you don't need, so your piece feels cleaner and more concise. For example, "My heart begins to pound and I begin to shake" could just be "My heart is pounding
and my hands are shaking." (Added 'hands' for detail.)

All in all, I think you did a great job with this poem. It conveys your ideas very clearly, which I know I don't always manage with my poetry, haha. I think you just need to add more flavour to your words in order to make this piece something highly impactful.

Hi there @dogsrule5 I am here to do a review on your work so first things first.
What I think needs a bit of work
No matter where I go, don’t you get eney time to yourself it is a bit stranch if you ask me,
You're there when I'm with my friends, and family. I do not really no why this person is always there cant you get away from this person at all.
Down those school hallways. Okay that is because you go to the same school as this person, I think you need to explain yourself a bit better,
My heart begins to pound, this needs a bit more words to it.
And I begin to shake, this needs a bit more words to it
And you won't go away, okay I find this stranch for doesn’t this person have there on family to go to our friends
Because you're my anxiety. May I ask what dose anxiety mean.
Suggestions
1 for: My heart begins to pound, My heart begins to thump loudly in my chest.
2 for: And I begin to shake, And I begin to shake so much that I need to sit down.
Okay that is all that I can say so, keep Up the good work. HAPPEY REVIEW DAY.
REVIEW FROM TEAM REVIEW STINGRAYS. @EagleFly out to seek and kill

Hi. I have anxiety, maybe not as strong as you, but it's there. If yours really is always there, okay, but here's the thing. I won't blame you if you get mad at me, but when you feel bad, you only remember the bad times. True story, I learned it in psych. And anxiety can end. I've heard people say they used to have anxiety really bad and then it was gone. I had bad depression for a year and now I never do. This is not to say that something bad ends like magic, but sometimes it does end. I don't know the particulars, but it's possible your anxiety can end. I'm glad you want to bring awareness to this. It's important that people know what's happening to us, what we're working through, and it's also important that we stand tall and look proud, like you said. Because, like you said, we can still feel confident.