Young Writers Society

I feel like this is a rant that you wanted to get down on paper. Or perhaps an idea in your head that kept on circulating? You tell me.
Anyway, I'm going to be harsh here: I'm not sure I see a point to this. It seems like you are just going around in circles, and then finally telling us you believe the message is "it's life, there's nothing you can do about it, deal with it." Which I'm not really buying. Was there a certain experience that inspired this? Are you feeling a little hopeless? Or is this something you just wanted to mull over on paper?
I agree with everything Iggy suggested. My major suggestions are:
Add background.
Put in emotion.
Put in more what you think, instead of "people say this, people say that, but wait, other people say this." I hope you don't take this too harshly--these are suggestions, not attacks. Hope this helps!
Overall rating: 6/10
Keep writing!
+1

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to say that this poem is very inspirational to those who read it and could relate to what you mean here. i could relate by saying that i always wanted to find something depicting by what i was saying and now, i think i found it. I enjoyed the thoughts of the life you bring and the joy that life can give you.

Nitpicks:

I do notice that there is a lot of uses with the world "there" since it is being misused quite a lot in this poem but some people have already pointed it out so i am not going to touch up on it.

we are humans, and this is life seems like almost like you have been saying over the course of this poem. Maybe just end it with -life is life and no one can change that (I'm just saying)

there is nothing you can do about it because I don't think this should be its own stanza but maybe deleted since it just lags to what you are trying to say.

Overall, i think this poem has a great message as to try and try again in life until you get at what you deserve.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hey, Chips here to review!

Well, what a nice poem you have here, I like that you've put your thoughts out as questions here to show the reader your ponderings. I also liked the realistic overview you had on life itself.

There is always room for improvements so here are some suggestions that may be of help to you.

"Sometimes in life bad things happen,

and you can't do anything about it.

Sometimes people make a big deal about it,

and then again some don't."

Here, I thought it wasn't written poetically enough, I know you were probably going for a philosophical poem, but it lacked the poetry elements at times. I thought in this section it was too direct and you were more or less just stating facts.


"Some people may say,

it's just life,

and their is nothing you can do about it.

Sure, their right, but is it just life?"

I felt like there was over repetition of the phrases, "life" or "it's just life". The word "life" was far too overused in your poem, it was almost in every line thus, it began to lose its meaning and value. I understand thats your poem title and topic, but variation was needed because it became redundant and predictable, poetry should always have an exciting aspect to it so the reader can read on.


"Or are bad things just happening randomly?

No one knows, but most people would say...

It's just life,

and theirs nothing you can do about."

There is a grammatical error here, "theirs" should be *there's*, so remember to proofread and double check your work. Again the, "It's just life" is repeated. Also, the phrase of, "nothing you can do about", I think you meant to add the word *it*, at the end of it. Regardless of that, the phrase feels repetitive also.


Overall this was a very good effort, keep writing! Hope this review helped.

--Chips

Hey. Dogs rule. I agree.

Ha. This is very thoughtful, curious, and insightful. I think about this all of the time. No joke. I enjoyed reading your poem. It's very quirky.

I liked how you asked so many questions, but, as Iggy said, at times it's too much; sometimes try to make them into statements? It didn't offend me, though. The "there/eir/ey're's" were sort of distracting, but again, this can easily be fixed, and it has nothing to do with the actual content of your poem.

Another thing...maybe add a little bit of description to your poem? I know it's difficult to add metaphors and descriptive quality to a philosophical, thought-provoking poem like this one, but it would definitely, in my opinion, make it more intriguing!

Otherwise, I really enjoyed some of the ideas you had circulating in there.

Great job.

Yours,

Sav

Hello, CesareBorgia, here for a review!

I've never read any of your poetry before. Until now, I thought you a prose person. This poem was really good. It's just wow.

and their is nothing you can do about it.

There is nothing you can do about the fact that life is life,

and bad things happening is life ,

it's just life,

and life is life.

Hello there. :3

First off, you've gotta learn the difference between their, they're and there. Just google some articles and go from there.

Second, cut some punctuation. It's like every line ends with a comma or a period and it's a bit distracting, not to mention choppy.

Third, why so many questions? I get you're trying to get the reader to ponder the meaning of the poem but all the questions are too close together and makes it seem like you're attacking us. It's best if you stick to using one or two questions that are spaced out, so the reader isn't overwhelmed and actually has time to answer them without being shoved another question.

I feel that you use the word life too much in this. I won't suggest that you use an abundance of synonyms, because that can also get annoying. Instead, I suggest you stick to using the word life sparingly. We get that the poem centers around life. Being reminded about it in every line becomes repetitive and annoying. So I suggest you cut out a few lifes (my grmmar nazi wants to say lives) and work from there.

My final suggestion is that you go into more depth with this. I feel that this is so vague. Life is life and we can either accept it or disregard it. Okay, the narrator sounds like a hippy. "Whatever happens happens, mannnn." Care to be a bit more specific? Explain to us why you feel this way. What is the reasoning behind this? Why should I see your point of view on life? Put some emotion and back story to this, so I don't walk away thinking, "Okay..."

I hope that helps!

~Iggy