Young Writers Society

Hi there !

I just wanna say this is really interesting as a poem . It reminded me of a story in a sense, how it had a beginning , and a sad climax and then a "happy ending" with the realisation that somebody cares.

I like your rhyming in some stanzas and I feel like this makes it flow very well and an easy read. I must say the first stanza was my favourite - really catching my attention with such a negative outlook.

My criticisms would be that:

1) I'm not keen on your use of ellipsis so often - you don't need that. Putting a full stop would be just as effective - actually even more effective in my opinion! I don't know I just really think their use is really unnecessary

2) Also you've put


Do you feel wanted.

Rather than

Do you feel wanted?

It needs a question mark because it's a question otherwise it doesn't really make sense


But overall this is really cool - I really enjoyed reading it . Hope I could help!

Hey Dogsssss!

great inspiration on going in the poem. I like the way u give it a happy ending, (((which most poems lack 'round here, not that i mind, but its good to see something new every now n then )))

1ST stanza is really good, u have maintained the 2 words thing quite well, i like the way u use less words n portray a good picture of what u really want to say. I admire writer's with that quality.

the flow of your poem is remarkable too, though u have exceeded the word pattern in places, but hey we all write to improve, so yeah...

the last stanza though i feel u could have made a bit bigger, like u know put out some more creativity, use that awesome mind of your, put examples or maybe some imaginations, i aint not saying ur poem is not good, but i do believe that even the best can be improved.

One another thing I feel the need to comment on is the use of ellipses, i really dont thing using ellipses is right (grammatically). i mean they r usually used when u want to signify trailing thoughts. you could have used a coma or a coon or a period instead of the ellipses n it would have looked just as fine.

also there r certain areas where the rhyming is off, n even sounds forced. So maybe you would like to check that...

there weren't any other nitpick that i would like to report to u.

overall this was a good read. I loved the theme, though it could use some improvements here n there (i know u have the potential)

hope to see more of ur works in the future
keep writing
~DD

Great job, I really enjoyed reading this even though I don't love or even read poetry that often.

I loved the way to tried an succeeded may I say to connect with the reader. Also the turn at the end was both cool, interesting, and I find true. I love the message you are sending with this poem.
There were a couple points i had to read twice because they almost didn't seem to fit, but upon re-evaluation they actually were ok.

Anyway good luck and keep writing

This took a really pleasant turn at the end! <3 This poem kind of reminds me of the song Try by Colbie Caillat. I really liked the line of questioning "Do you feel wanted" (needs a question mark to make question.) I like this because it digs deeper into the reader and makes them come across the realization that even if times are hard, most of the time you do feel wanted, and you do belong. Your personality came out in it too with the line "Most try to discover their fate." This line is like a signature and makes it yours. Towards the beginning, I've heard those lines over and over again so maybe try to spice it up a bit and add more lines like the one I said. Nonetheless, it's a lovely, short little poem. Good work(:

Btw, I think the title is perfect!

Much loves!