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Spring

by dogsrule5


You walk outside,

And the breeze

Feels cool on your face.

***

The wind, it whistles.

You hear it, rushing,

Like it's running from something.

***

The trees, dance with the wind.

Moving their branches from side,

To side.

***

The clouds in the sky,

Move in beat with the wind.

The sun shines bright, on all.

***

The grass is green,

Bright green,

Just as it should be.

***

As I'm looking out the window,

I see all these things.

"Isn't spring wonderful." I say.


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User avatar
29 Reviews

Points: 102
Reviews: 29

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Fri Feb 19, 2016 7:06 pm
harry576 wrote a review...



Hi Harry here for a review:
I loved how this poem makes you feel the words more than reading like this part:the breeze

Feels cool on your face.

***

The wind, it whistles.

You hear it, rushing,

Like it's running from something.

***

The trees, dance with the wind.

Moving their branches from side,

To side.

***

The clouds in the sky,

Move in beat with the wind.

The sun shines bright, on all.

***

The grass is green,

Bright green,

Just as it should be.
this shows that you will always feel the spring in the air and you will smile when you feel the sun and the breeze. this is perfect because spring is my favorite season. It makes me smile when I see someone with so much passion for something so beautiful. You make me smile and I like that about a poem. You need to try to get the words to rhyme more. I like this part of the poem the most: The grass is green,

Bright green,

Just as it should be.

***

As I'm looking out the window,

I see all these things.

"Isn't spring wonderful." I say.
This shows how much you love to gaze out the window at the beautiful day. This shows your character is warm hearten and strong with a down to earth personality. you can always read people like that, just by their writing style and smile when they see how many people like their writing because that shows who they are. And I am telling you that I like your work and I will continue to read them. Keep up the good work and Happy Writing:)




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks so much! Your review made me smile! :D



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43 Reviews

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Reviews: 43

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Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:01 pm
Amabilia wrote a review...



Hi Dogsrule5! Cakerissa reporting for reviewing!

Spring is one of my favorite seasons, too! (Technically, the only one I don't like is fall, but let's not get into the details about THAT.) Anyways, I liked how you focused on one part of spring in each stanza, yet the wind pulled all of them(except the grass one) together. 1: The wind 2: The wind personified 3: Trees 4: The sky 5: Grass 6: What you feel.

For grammar, in the last stanza I saw that when you said, "Isn't spring wonderful.", you put a period after wonderful. I thought maybe it should have a question mark, or maybe even a comma.

One thing I would change, I noticed that in the third stanza you wrote,

"Moving their branches from side,

To side."

I would put both of them on the same line. And I saw that you had three lines on each stanza, so something I would do is,

Moving their branches from side to side,

To up and down.

Just a suggestion. Also, I thought that you might want to add something in there about the colors. Like how soft blue the sky is, or how yellow the tulips are.

Keep writing!
Cakeissa




dogsrule5 says...


Okay, thanks!



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15 Reviews

Points: 646
Reviews: 15

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Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:06 am
jedd says...



Hello friend. Join the doge army.




dogsrule5 says...


Okay, is there a certain way I do that?



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277 Reviews

Points: 1335
Reviews: 277

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Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:00 am
Charm wrote a review...



I thought this poem was super cute and I loved the short stanzas. I found the last line "'Isn't spring wonderful.' I say." didn't flow as nicely as the rest of the poem. I think you should change "I say" to something else just to make it sound better. Your grammar seemed to be pretty good so good job on that. And the imagery seems very good as well (I think that's what makes this poem really nice).

Anyway, sorry I couldn't give you a better review. It's really your fault for writing such a great poem xD Now I have nothing to fix xD

Hope I've helped somehow xD
Rachel




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks, xD



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27 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 27

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Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:27 am
spectator wrote a review...



This poem is oh so cute! I love the short stanzas and short lines, they make your poem super sweet. I especially love that your poem is free verse and that you used a lot of ing verbs (that's how I usually write poetry). However, I'm personally not a fan of the asterix separating each stanza. That's just a me thing though, if you like it then leave it! Although it isn't super profound, your poem has nice descriptions! It makes me even more spring feverish. If you're looking to improve, I'd advise you to explore emotions and memories you associate with spring. That would make it more personal. Anyone can describe spring, tell your readers what makes it important to you. Overall, great poem!
- Summer




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks




What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.
— Charles de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu