Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
Judging from this poem, you are going through a rough time, and I can understand that. I think I can relate to what you're going through, however, if that's true, I think you can go a lot deeper in this poem. You seem to focus more on the surface, on what people actually COULD see, if they looked close enough. However, because of the topic, I think you should try to get in more detail on your emotions, because those are the things people really can't see, and the things that we tend to keep hidden. You could start with laying out the situation, saying people don't see what's really going on, then move on to state the situation with your parents, and then use very descriptive language to describe how it's all making you feel. I know it must have a huge impact on you emotionally, and I think this poem could use some of those emotions.
Now, I have some grammar edits, in case you want to just keep the poem as is. First, I think you should make the second and third lines one line. The line break seems unnecessary to me, since it's all the same topic and the comma already institutes a pause.
The next thing, which @5kKitty noticed, "Who am I really," should have a question mark at the end.
Finally, I'm a little confused about the last line. Is it from your point of view, are you trying to convince yourself nothing's really wrong? Or is it from others' points of view, telling you it's nothing, ignore your feelings? If you could clarify that, I think it would really help give your poem a solid ending.
Anyways, sorry if that seemed a little harsh, but I feel like there is so much more you can put into this poem! Good luck.
herbgirl
Points: 575
Reviews: 193
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