Young Writers Society

hey, dogsrule5,

your poem is absolutely , hands down, THE most amazing poem i've read! it touched my heart, and will surly touch many others'. it almost brought tears to my eyes as i realized how true this is. You have conveyed emotions perfectly in mere stanzas. that in itself is a challange. i cannot tell you how much i just LOVED the ending.

what did i do wrong
what did WE do wrong.
it just gives a hopeful message: you are not alone
keep on writing, i'm looking forwards for more of your work

-DogsRule5, RadiantShadow-

Hey, I'm here for a review!!!!!!

I love your poem!!! it dexcribes completely how someone feels when bullied! I was bullied for over 5 years and all i thought was why is it only me? Eventually that turned into: I must deserve it....im horrible....i should die....Later on i realized that it happens to everybody. Now, I'm not saying that everybody becomes suicidal. No. They don't. But everyone is under scrutiny, and everyone deals with it differently. That's what makes us human.

sorry about my rant

Anyway, your poem is absolutely AMAZING!!!!

I love how you include "we" in the end, thus making sure victims know that they're not alone:

"Why do we have to turn to razors or ropes
to ease the pain cause by you dashing our hopes?

~What did I do wrong?
What did we do wrong?~"

I especially love your last line:

What did WE do wrong?

absolutely priceless.

Again: AMAZING!!!!

Write On!!!!

-SpencerReidIsMyLife-

Hello. As a bullying survivor myself, thank you.I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I have been put through many bad experiences, and I am starting to finally love myself from what happened. Moving on, the only thing I see wrong is small easy to fix grammatical errors. Nothing too bad do not worry. This was an excellent read. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I may not be online a lot, but I will try to be online more, I am here for you bud. Thank you again.*hugs*

This poem touches on the serious issue of bullying and I can definitely relate, so thank you for writing this. You poured a lot of emotion into this and it showed. I only noticed a few problems. "...and being someone were not." Were needs to be corrected to we're. Also removing a few words such as in "For being religious, and not religious enough." This could be changed to"...and not enough," to help with the flow. Other than that I loved this poem. Keep up the good work!
~WannabeWriter112

I really like the idea behind this poem. There were a few grammatical errors with contractions and spelling, but i really enjoyed the contradictions inside each of the lines. I think the poem would be more powerful if you ended it with the line [/What did I do wrong/], in my opinion, but i think the ending had a very powerful message. The rhyme with ropes and hopes is a little bit distracting because there aren't really any rhymes beside that one, and i think you could say the same thing by using a different choice of words. I really enjoyed this poem, keep writing!

Hello there, Dogsrule5/RadiantShadow.
I'm Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I would like to thank you for touching something so important. So many people shrug off the fact that bullying is such an important matter, especially if they have never been bullied, or were once bullies themselves.

I feel as if the poem kind of drags on, and got old really quickly. This being because the repetition of interrogating the reader doesn't present anything really new. Another thing that I feel could make the poem less boring, and a whole lot stronger, is imagery. This would be perfect, because so many emotions conflict with each other because of bullying. You would constantly be presenting the reader something emotional, passionate, creative, and original, which is sure to keep the reader hooked if used wisely.

There's a subtle, but present rhyme throughout the poem. I personally am not a fan of rhyme. This being because it's not very necessary, but so many people think it is. It constricts the author into only being allowed to use a certain set of words. Every word has a rhyme, but that rhyme might not be the word you're looking for. This could prevent the author from being able to convey certain emotions/feelings.

The punctuation is somewhat inconsistent. Either add punctuation wherever there needs to be, or remove the punctuation altogether(with some exceptions). There are some grammar mistakes, but instead of pointing them all out, I suggest reading the poem yourself. Out loud.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helped you out! ^-^