Cute and hysterical
Loyal as can be
Black and White
You're perfect for me!
***
You like to run,
And play outside.
You play fetch
And tug of war with pride.
***
She can be dumb,
But she is great
Her name is Emily
And she lives in a crate.
***
A lovable dog
A loyal pet
Emily is the best
You could ever get!
***
~ I love you baby girl ~
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,785 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Heyo, Dogsrule5! Casanova here for a review!
Anyway, the first thing I'd have to point out is the rhyme scheme. The second and last line of each stanza rhyme. Why the weird rhyme scheme? Usually a rhyme scheme would be AABBCC, or something like that, and not skipping around as such. It's off-putting, at least in my case. I'm a big fan of rhyme, it's why I love rap so much. Because you can play with it, play with words, and play around with structure. Something as simple as,"the apple was red," could turn into,"The apple was red/the doc told me to eat them or end up dead/but I didn't so I made my bed/I know I should listen, and my fate I do dread." Something like that. But here the rhyming is simple, but oddly placed. Off putting, as I said.
Cute and hysterical
Loyal as can be
Black and White
You're perfect for me!
Beyond,"Black and White," you never speak of any other physical attributes. To me, as a ready, I'm curious as to what she'd look like. Big or small, fat or slim, big ears or small, things like that. I WANT to know because you've given us something you're passionate about, yet you're barely speaking in detail about her. Why? Why not just say,"She's loyal, lovable, cute, and great?" That's basically all I'm getting from this, besides the fact you love her, which should be obvious if she's your dog.
In other words I think this could use some tweaking. Give us more about the dog, since that's the subject of your poem. A little beyond fetch would be nice as well.
Anyway, I hope this helped, at least some.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.
Okay let me say, I love animals. Especially doggies! ^-^ I can easily tell just by reading that you really love Emily.
I am guessing this was a very fun poem to write, because when you write about something you love, the words seem to flow easier and you have fun with it because it is about Emily. And you love her, it is very evident in the way you talk about her. (Even without the thing at the end)
The only thing I noticed is that you switched points of view. For the first two stanzas you are using the pronouns "Me" and "You" But then it goes to you referring to the dog instead of talking to the dog like you were in the first two chapters.
But still, I liked this poem. Very excellent job!
DOGGO POEM!
This is cute and sweet, but you totally lost my love at
I get that it's a silly lovely poem about a doggo and doggos are silly, but surely she deserves a better rhyme scheme development than "she is great / / lives in a crate."
You don't spend any time telling us about her physical attributes other than her being black and white. So is she a Lab? Chihuahua? Retriever? This is the kind of thing I need to know to care more deeply. Beyond that, you give us sweet, dumb, silly, best pet you'll ever get, etc. So there's description to be had, so I know for a fact based on this evidence that you can do better than the crate stanza. Your doggo deserves better than that.
You switch between addressing her in second and third person on a whim, and that needs doctoring upon editing (likely to meet meter demands) but they're easy fixes. Just give some more tender love and care to the piece and it'll give more to you.
Ty