Young Writers Society

Hello!
Happy review day!

I'm not too good at reviewing free-verse, but I'll give it a whirl!

1. Sometimes repetition in a poem can be one of the best things in the universe. Sometimes, it can be quite distracting. Unfortunately, I found that in the second half of your poem, the repetition of "class/to class" was distracting for me. It felt like to me a student who was trying to make a 1 page essay seem 5 pages - just restating the same thing over and over again to fill space. I would maybe spend less time on the "going to class" parts, and more of what you FEEL about it. Show me what you feel, don't tell me what you're doing.

2.

At you're new school

This is marvelous! I love it!

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
First of all, I wanted to say I can relate to some of this poem, as today was my first day of high school, too! I hope all went well. Now, I must admit, I wasn't a huge fan of this poem. Let me tell you why.
To begin with, there was one major error that bothered me, at least only one that can be fixed without completely changing the poem. You start the poem talking in first person, using the term "I". Then, about halfway through, you switch viewpoints, moving to second person, using the term "you". This switch was confusing, and interrupted the flow of the poem. I imagine it was just a mistake, because I can't see a reason why you would do this on purpose, except to maybe show that others can relate to the situation.
Then, another little nit-picky thing, very small, is that more towards the beginning of the poem you say, "Will I find my friends at lunch?" when later in the poem you say, "I find my friend". I believe that later line should be, "I find a friend", because otherwise it sounds as if you only have one friend, even though earlier in the poem you mentioned that you have "friends", plural. Very small, just something you might want to fix.
Now, here's what really bothered me about this poem. I warn you, don't take this to heart if you really loved this poem. I think that you could have gone much deeper here. Because, honestly, it's more than just a new school, right? It's a new chapter of your life you're starting! I'm sure that at some point, even if it was in reflection, you realized this, and felt something more than that you enjoyed meeting up with a friend. Maybe you realized something not quite so uplifting as the fact that you were entering on a path to success. I don't know, but I DO think there are many more, much deeper things that you could have said on the topic that have resonated deeper with a wider audience.
Anyways, sorry if that sounded harsh! I'm sure that you can get out some more thoughts on the start of school, though, I know that more than just the questions you listed tumbled through my mind as I walked through the door. So, keep up the good work!
herbgirl