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Best Friends.

by dogsrule5


This is a true poem of when I was a little girl, and me and my best friend were meeting for the very first time.

I didn't know you,

When we first met,

I wondered who you were,

When I watched you play.

But then one day,

I came over to play, and

The sun was up,

And the sky wasn't grey.

I came up to you,

And said a simple hello.

You told me your name,

And I told you mine.

After we did,

We played a little game.

But then when I had to go

I was sad, and didn't want to leave you.

But then I knew,

That the next day,

You would be outside,

And we would play.

And that's when I realized we were best friends.


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Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:54 am
Winter257 wrote a review...



Okay, per your suggestion I decided to read this. And I was so pleasantly surprised! I thought this was adorable. It seriously took me back to when I was younger and made my first friends... granted I don't have a best friend from childhood.. but it still had that effect on me all the same :D

I only have two suggestions, and they are as follows:

"I was sad, and didn't want to leave you." - this line is much longer than the rest. I would suggest shortening it in some or or other. But that's totally up to you.

"And that's when I realized we were best friends." - This has the same issue. I would reccomend shortening this as well.

So, overall, I loved this poem. It was super simple, and yet super cute as well! You're truly a poet :D




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks, So glad you enjoyed! <3



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Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:28 am
puppys3117 wrote a review...



Hello, dogsrule5! Sorry I haven't been around, and I will get to your Battle series ASAP. ;)
Anyways, let's get started, shall we?

I came up to you,

And said a simple hello.


The punctuation on this... it was just perfect! Now, my only nitpick is the hello. I would have put quotation marks around 'hello' (like I just did there) and CAPS it.

I came up to you,

And said a simple 'Hello'.


I might have messed it up. I'm not for sure, but you get the point :)

I was sad, and didn't want to leave you.

But then I knew,

That the next day,

You would be outside,

And we would play.

And that's when I realized we were best friends


These few lines were so dramatic. It brought the whole thing together! Just beautiful. Nothing else to say.

I agree with WillowPaw1 about it being somewhat 'dull'. Then I read that this WAS in a child's point of view. No nitpicks :P

Make more poems like this, and you're on the road to Writer's Success :D

Continue on with your great writing!
~puppys3117~




dogsrule5 says...


Thanks, and yeah, I was trying to make it as if it was about little kids since it is, so I made it in that point of view, if that makes since.



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Fri Jul 18, 2014 2:32 pm
WillowPaw1 wrote a review...



Hi, dogs!


Wow! Seems like you got the nitpicks down! I didn't spot a single error.


Now, when I was reading this, what urked me was just the style of it. It seemed kind of, well, dull. Except at the end. Those last couple of lines were powerful, and pretty much what EgTucks said. It was fabulous!

Now we'll go back to how I was saying it was a little dull. So, you have some simple imagery, but maybe some similes or metaphors to kinda get the imagery more spiced up? Or, just spice up your imagery more. Those curls bouncing on your head. Or maybe how you said the sky wasn't grey, you could mention how the sun was peeking out of the bright, puffy, cumulus clouds or whatever the weather was like.
Now that's it with imagery.

Another small little thing is all the conjunctions you have at the beginning of your lines. Such as "But" and "And". Generally in a poem you don't use "But" and "And" at the beginning of a line, but if is truly nessacary, you can keep it. I would just suggest to take out a couple of them.

Okay, so that's pretty much the only criticism I have to offer. I have a couple good points to say as well!

I agree with the reviewers below, it really sent me back to when I as little. Though I can't exactly remember all the details and everything, it seemed much like this. And you proved such a strong point on friendship! I like it. ^.^

Great job, dogs, can't wait to see more from ya.

~WillowPaw1~




dogsrule5 says...


I know it was kind of dull, but I kind of have a reason. I put it in a little kids point of view, so yeah.



WillowPaw1 says...


Ahh, all right, I gotcha there. ;)



dogsrule5 says...


Yeah!



dogsrule5 says...


So... I heard you haven't been on the YWS latly. Please come back.



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Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:57 am
EgTucks says...



Reading this took me back to when I started making friends as a child. I enjoyed the line, " But then i knew, That the next day, you would be outside, and we would play. " I'm not going to lie, those four lines pulled at my heart a little. Keep up the good work!




dogsrule5 says...


Thank you.



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Thu Jul 17, 2014 4:18 am
Stripeslife wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this poem a lot. It reminded me a lot of when I was a kid and everything was easy. By the way, my first friend's name was Angela. :) Anyway, review time!


This may just be your style of writing, but I would lowercase the first letters in the line if you aren't starting a sentence. For example:

"I didn't know you,

When we first met,"

I would lowercase the W in "When".

In these lines:

"I wondered who you were,

When I watched you play.

But then one day,

I came over to play, and

The sun was up,"

I feel like the and would be better moved to the next line. It feels really unnecessary to keep it there. I can also understand if you put it there for a reason.
Also, the word "play" is used with one line between. I feel like this may be really repetitive and maybe one of them should be replaced with a synonym. I find thesauruses to be extremely helpful in cases like this.
Also in these lines:

"I was sad, and didn't want to leave you."
and
"And that's when I realized we were best friends."

could each have been separated into two lines. I feel like since they are a lot longer than the other lines, it would suit the poem best to cut them in half and make two lines out of each. This would also keep the poem feeling simple with the short lines.

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. I liked how you kept most of the lines short, and simple, how a child would usually think. I liked the concept and that it was intriguing.
My favorite part:

"But then I knew,

That the next day,

You would be outside,

And we would play"

Keep writing. :)




dogsrule5 says...


Thank you, if you want to you may like my poem too. I mean I want to be on the featured list, I mean I have always wanted to be on the featured list, and never have been before, and I think this poem would be my chance. So you can like it if you enjoyed it. Thank you.



dogsrule5 says...


Hey. Thanks for liking my work. That was very kind of you. Bye



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Thu Jul 17, 2014 2:11 am
Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello dogsrule5!

I like this poem! It reminds me of making friends when I was little... Those were the good ol' days when I could actually just say "Hello" to anyone. It didn't matter then. I don't know what made the change, but it occoured, and I can no longer make friends as easily as I used to. When I was little, I would just make a friend every time I went to a book store, but I never remembered them. My first true friend was in preschool, Emily. She had a lot of friends, but she was pretty much my only friend, they were all good aquaintances.

~Kelpies.




dogsrule5 says...


Oh my gosh. My first friends name was Emily too!



Kelpies says...


That's cool!



dogsrule5 says...


Yeah. Isn't it! It's awesome.




The thing about plummeting downhill at fifty miles an hour on a snack platter - if you realize it's a bad idea when you're halfway down, it's too late.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune