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E - Everyone

Freedom.

by dogsrule5


If you look outside you see the cold hearted place.

You don't even know that the war hasn't ended,

but when it has, no one ever has the courage to say one word.

The soldiers were out their fighting for our lives,

for our freedom.

And you didn't have time to say thank you.

Why didn't you have time?

Cause no one in this world is polite anymore.

After all they did for us.

They don't even get a simple thank you.

You will be sorry, when we don't have freedom anymore.

Cause a thank you. Just two words,

can make a big difference.

The soldiers were out their fighting, with little rest.

When they returned, after so much death and injuries.

You would think they would be dead.

But they never died.

They fought for our freedom, the freedom we have today.

And yet they didn't get one thank you.

Next time you see a man or woman who served in our army.

Say thank you.

They will appreciate that thank you, more than you think they will.


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216 Reviews

Points: 93
Reviews: 216

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Sun Feb 14, 2016 10:10 am
DivergentDemigod wrote a review...



Hey dogs, (me again)

WOW. That was really... Unique. I mean this is the first time I came across such a concept on this site. It's really amazing.(I know I'm not the first person to say this but it's true so I had to) I appreciate the effort you put in writing on a theme no one Cares about nowadays.
Freedom- your title was the thing that lured me into reading your poem and I must say I was not disappointed. Great job! :)

Never quit writing ;)
Fangirl~

P.S.- I'll remember to say a thankyou the next time I see someone who has served the nation.

P.S.S-"You would think they would be dead.
But they never died" - my favourite line :)




dogsrule5 says...


I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for the review/comment!



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Mon Oct 19, 2015 3:14 am
Winter257 wrote a review...



I really love the idea behind this. It's true, the men and women who fight in our military tend to go un-appreciated. Seeing as my family has a long history of military members, I find this peice quite nice. I feel like your poem has a wonderful message behind it. You are promoting the spread of "love" in a sense. Not romantic love, of course, but just general love. And that's a rare thing these days. Your poem has a kind of lyrical rythym to it, despite not having a rhyming scheme. That, I quite enjoyed about it. I should probably leave some suggestions... well, perhaps it would appear more appealing to capitalize each new line. But of course, that's a comment on poetry style, and that's completely the choice of the poet themselves. I tend to do this with my poetry, so I'm biased xD Great poem, and I can't wait to read more of your work ^~^




dogsrule5 says...


Sorry, when I wrote this poem, I didn't know at the time to capitalize each line, but now I do. I learned it a long time ago, and now I do it! Glad you liked it.



Winter257 says...


No worries, as I said, in poetry, that's a choice of the poet. You can choose whether or not to capitalize each line. Just, in some pieces it may look better than in others. I would think more formal poetry, such as this one, looks better with it. But it really doesn't effect too much. Great job, on yur poetry ^~^



dogsrule5 says...


Thanks!



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Fri May 16, 2014 11:59 pm
WillowPaw1 wrote a review...



Hey dogs!

Okay, I have a couple nitpicks.

The soldiers were out their fighting for our lives,


Their should be there. "Their" is possessive, like "that's their backpack". There is a location. "The backpack is over there "
Also, I'm pretty sure the comma should be a semicolon. ;)

The next thing is your punctuation. It is all over the place! You've got a period there, a comma there, etc etc. I suggest taking out most of those periods. Besides, most of the lines with periods follow on to the next line.
As for the commas, they are OK. Keep them in, but read over your piece to make sure they're in the right spot.

Next, your capitalization. I reccomend just capitalizing the starting of every line, or no caps at all (only at the beginning). It just makes it a lot easier to read.

Last thing in the nitpick section: (warning: only a reccomendation) Make a couple stanzas. It might make the poem formatted better and whatnot. Then again, you may not want to. That was simply a suggestion.

Okay, now onto the content, the deep, deep words.

This is a good idea. And you've hit a spot.
We did speeches for our grade a couple months again, and someone wrote/read a speech about homeless veterans. AKA, people who served in our army and now are homeless and live in cardboard boxes. This is a really good point to pick up.

You are improving so much so quickly!

Hope this helps!

WillowPaw1~




dogsrule5 says...


Thank you. I will see what I can do.



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Fri May 16, 2014 11:54 pm
Em101cats wrote a review...



Hi! It's Em101cats here to review!


Okay I'm in a hurry so this needs to be fast. I can't go through every single nitpick, hopefully other people can do that for you. I just need to hurry with this right now because I'm about to do something important. Okay so here's a list.

Creativity - Pretty good, but I did the same kind of poem. Mine's called "Our Nation's Problem - A Poem (for the Armed Forces)" if you want to check it out. It could use some reviews, and also it serves as proof that this wasn't the first poem of the topic. But this topic is a great one so what can you say? I won't judge the poem based on how many other poems are like it, that's for sure. It's still a great poem.

Mistakes - Not many. There are maybe one or two small errors that I can't go through and individually point out at the moment. When people have more time to do this, they can help you more than I can at the moment, sorry about that. But great job keeping the mistakes at bay! I hardly saw any at all! You're improving!

Feeling and meaningfulness - Top level! This poem really touched my heart. It's true. You'll rarely find a person in our nation willing to thank the ones who fought for our freedom, our dignity, our LIVES. Thankfully there are at least some people who say "Thank you so much," to the veterans, or at least "Thank you" or "Thanks." Anyways, the feeling and meaningfulness is top notch here. Great work!

And that's about it for now. I hope this review helped! Keep up the great writing!
~Em101cats~




dogsrule5 says...


Thank you.



puppys3117 says...


she read ur poem :/ she wasnt copying :/ and it sounds like (even though u are 'in a hurry') that she has too many nitpicks to count. not trying to butt in here, but I think its a rude >:( if u wanna reply or get all mad about me saying this, then go do it on my wall so we don't take up space here



dogsrule5 says...


Puppys not trying to get involed with your little thing, but Em isn't beign that rude. I mean I have had meaner or ruder comments. I can take this. And no effince, but you are kind of being rude to Em, Just saying!



Em101cats says...


Look guys, I wasn't saying she had too many errors, I was saying that I didn't have time to make the review too detailed. Puppys, I understand your concern, but I explained over and over in the review that she had so few that I didn't need to bother and I did't have the time. The fight about all this is totally unneeded, just to say. If you think I'm being rude, maybe it's better you keep that to yourself. No need to attempt hurting my feelings with put-downs about my reviews. Sorry about any confusion this causes. I think dogsrule5 can understand that it's one of those times you start something, then find out you have very little time, and decide that you don't wanna make what you're doing too detailed. She's smart and she can figure it out.



puppys3117 says...


are u saying im not smart? according to this I think u are:
She's smart and she can figure it out. D:<



dogsrule5 says...


... CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP FIGHTING



puppys3117 says...


... maybe... XD



Em101cats says...


First: I was not saying you weren't smart, I was saying that dogsrule5 is too. I wasn't suggesting anything about you being smart or not smart, I never called you not smart because you are. And second: I never wanted to fight. I was trying to settle things with Puppys. She misunderstood some things I was saying. That's all.



dogsrule5 says...


Well sorry. Gosh.



Em101cats says...


No I didn't mean it that way. I was just trying to... Ugh. Nevermind. This is useless. Everything I say everyone twists into something bad. I might as well cut off my mouth and donate it because nobody listens to me and when they do they take it the wrong way. :(



dogsrule5 says...


I think Puppys started this. Cause I didn't even want to get into it, but I just said to stop fighting to I said it and then I got put in the middle. Which I cant solve your problem so work it out with puppys on Skype or something.




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