Young Writers Society

"If you want to fly, I'll be your sky." It's cool how you made this rhyme unintentionally. I really like this because this whole poem is about how you care about a person so much that you would do anything for them. Even if the only thing you can do to them is be a friend. It is important to be there for anyone through all of their emotions because alot of people are afraid to show their darker emotions such as anger and sadness.

Hey,5. Here I am again to review your work.

Before I start with the review, I wanna tell you that I didn't know that I could actually dedicate a poem to a member here. Thanks to you, I now know it and will probably do the same soon! Thanks, dude.

Now, the review-

Ok, ok, the title. It's a simply good one. I really like the way the title just portrays the theme straightforwardly. Well done with that. Then, the theme. Hmm, it's a very good one. I am really glad that I got the chance to know of a good friendship through this poem. Also, it's really an effective and sweet way to tell your loved and dear ones about your feelings through poetry or any other type of writing.

Finally, the criticism.
Actually, I didn't find much here to criticize. That's because you have written too little here to criticize. The theme is one on which you can write a lot. like Yams and Falconer have already said, you could have written more in this poem. And, I am reminding the same thing again and it's repetition.
The meanings of the lines are very beautiful. But, the lines themselves don't stand out much. The interesting thing is, these lines can be re-structured. And, then, they would be more beautiful and anyone would love to read them.

There's not much that I can say here. I hope that you will edit this work cus it's a really very good one and I want it to be better. Yes, I want.

This is all from me. Hope you will post the edited version, if you edit it.

This is Yams here for a review!

The poem has a lot of repetition though you stopped the style you were writing in when it hit the 5th paragraph but kept the four line structure so that's kind of odd? I feel like you should've kept true to the style throughout the whole poem since you stopped mid-way, four stanzas in.

I felt like you could've done more with this. The four line stanza structure restricted your abilities on your creativity. The line length doesn't change at all, and to be honest I'd rather have line length vary than none at all.

I liked it. I thought it was okay. I just thought you could've added more and had more creativity put into it rather than the "smile, laugh" "cry, shoulder". I would've liked it spiced up a bit.

Have a great day!

Hi there dogsrule5!
Awe, this is a sweet poem. However, there are definitely some ways to improve it.

If you want to laugh,

I'll be your smile.

If you want to cry,

I'll be your shoulder.

If you want love,

I can give it to you.

Anything you need,

That's what I'll be.

~

If you want a friend,

I'll be beside you.

You can come to me,

I'll be there waiting.

~

Always remember,

I'm right around the corner.

If you need a friend,

You can come to me.