Years passed by in a flash
Nothing ever seems to stay
Yet you were my best friend
And always will be.
I’m sitting here all alone
On the cement, hard and stony
In front of the door no one ever
Wants to use.
My hands reach to my phone
I’m tempted to call you
But I know, I know
You’re busy over there.
And as if you read my mind,
You start to call me
I accepted the call with joy.
And we start to talk endlessly.
There on the same pavement
Where we waited for my mom
To pick us up,
We talked on and on
About life in general
To our personal problems
To the guys we like
To the people that hate us.
Every time we talk
I wonder if this is what it feels like
To be young once again.
Talking to your best friend
No matter how far
A friendship unwavering
From the world’s winds.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,227 Literary Works • 672,087 Reviews
Thank you for the permission to do this @spottedpebble ! I hope my poem did justice to your wonderful work
This is awesome!!
*Presses like times twenty*
Hey there and Happy Review Day as we wind down the stretch! Let's get to it
1. I love the overall feeling of raising poem. I always think that poem should be more about making you feel something than understanding it, and luckily for this one we can do both. This made me think of when I was a teen, sitting on sun-warmed concrete in driveways and patios, after the park or swimming or basketball. It brought back a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings
2 I know it's a preference, but I think some spacing in this would help, in part because of how it reads on YWS. Everything kinda lumps together in a stream, and while this can work depending on the poem, I think some stanzas would be beneficial here so we can catch our breath visually.
3. I love the picture of thw front patio. It took me a few reads to grasp exactly what is being said which is actually a very sad revelation, but it's so good at conveying it. That makes it a great line! I also love the double "I know I know" like you have a desire for something but know that it's unfair to make it an expectation, just because you want it.
4 overall I appreciate the tone of this poem, and boy do I hope that I have a friend that faithful when I'm old. It's also a great personal goal to strive for! Hope this helps
~ Messy
Thank you for your review! Really appreciate it
As for the spacing, I just wanted to mimic spottedpebble's format hehe
Trick or Write, curious mind!
Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this eerie story. 🤡!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my haunting magic! 🎃
Spooktastic!👻
First of all, let's talk about the fang-tastic parts that are really witch-approved!
I read the first part of this poem by @spottedpebble before this one. And I must say this is a very nice continuation of the first. I am glad you put some similarities to the first poem in there, it makes it easier to relate to and just dope.
I have a feeling that these poems represent some kind of friendship between you and Spottedpebble, in real life, who knows... .... It is a very nice dedication to a friend. I love the fact that this poem is so clear to read and easy to follow.
The story you tell through the poem just gives me chills and is so sweet and cute at the same time. I know this is weird, but I just want to cuddle the poem in my arms and say I'm glad you enjoyed your youth, because that is something that will never come back or that you will get a second chance at. If this does not make sense, feel free to skip it.
You both did a great job on both poems, I loved them both. They are totally relatable and very fun to read. Your poem is full of light and life, I think you should be very proud of your work. I must say it touched my heart. Ku2!
Have a boo-tiful day or night further! Keep writing! You are spook-takular!
Thanks for your review!
Actually I don't spottedpebble and I know each other in real life. She gave me the liberty to put a spin on any of her works and I chose to make a sequel for her old poem. Although I'd love to meet you all in person :>