z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+

I looked like her

by alpacaboss


I looked into the mirror.

My hair was a wet mess

Water gathered in my towel

As I dried each tress.

*

I found myself staring

At unrelenting eyes

Intense, fierce, angry

And overly tired eyes.

*

Time stood still

It was me, myself, and I

Vulnerable, unclothed

Meeting eye to eye.

*

Sheer dread creeped

In and through my bones

My blood gurgled in fear

My voice reduced to groans.

*

Those eyes, I’ve seen before

Insane and uncaring

A face so repulsive

Once dear and loving.

*

My hands became claws

Scratching out her existence.

But alas, nothing happened

It laughed at my insolence.

*

Can it be that I was under

The shadow of the one

I hated the most because

Of all the things she has done?

*

I swore never to be like her

To imitate any part of her

But if my face was like her

I cannot get rid of her.

*

My nails bore through my skin

In an attempt to change my face.

But I ended up with wounds

Around my body, every place.

*

I can’t look like her.

The memories are hard to bear.

She put me in the darkest times

And caused my heart to tear.

*

What good is it to rid of her,

If I’m her spitting image?

Will I forever be trapped

In her iron cage?

*

Even my mannerisms,

They were all hers.

Curse her influence on me

All these years.

*

Near fainting, I decided to

stare at the mirror and there

In defeat, I accepted my fate

I looked like her.

|

|

This is perhaps my darkest and most angsty poem so far. Hope you like it!


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
198 Reviews

Points: 14232
Reviews: 198

Donate
Stickied -- Fri Jun 16, 2023 8:18 am
loveissourgrapes wrote a review...



Hey there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to read your lovely poem. Sorry if there might be typos because I am typing this review/comment on my phone. And I am also here for the angst and the darker poems of @alpacaboss. It is good that you are experimenting with your writing skills with different genres. Now for the main review!

First impressions. I finally get to read your mystery/suspense writing of yours since you said you were nervous about this to reassure you, it is good for a first-time writer of mystery/suspense poems. I am not yet going to post mine because it's not very much polished well. Maybe it might take me years. This poem also reminds me of those thoughts in the middle of the night in the shower. That's why I don't look in the mirror. Because I could be scared of my reflection.

The descriptions of your wet hair in front of the mirror give off that scary vibe of your reflection. Starting at your own eyes, you could be scared because you don't know your true form, your true self. Those angry eyes, and your bare body having wounds because your hands are claws. The mentions of memories, like you want to be a better person even in those old memories. Your own reflections is like a monster that you want to kill yourself but she takes control over you and influences you to do bad things.

I hope you are okay because having thoughts like this might be very hard to get rid off especially if you are a ypung teenager or a preteen. Overall, writing-wise, it is great. Okay, gotta go out now because Dad is calling. Have a nice day/night! c:




alpacaboss says...


Thank you for your review! Can%u2019t wait to see your writings on suspense and mystery. And don%u2019t worry I%u2019m okay hehe :D
Thanks for the encouragement too! Have a great day/night!



alpacaboss says...


Thank you for your review! Cannot wait to see your writings on suspense and mystery. And do not worry I am okay hehe :D
Thanks for the encouragement too! Have a great day/night!



loveissourgrapes says...


You're welcome! c:



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 23
Reviews: 7

Donate
Fri Jun 30, 2023 4:24 am
EliseEllie says...






User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 23
Reviews: 7

Donate
Fri Jun 30, 2023 4:23 am
EliseEllie says...






User avatar
145 Reviews

Points: 9806
Reviews: 145

Donate
Sun Jun 18, 2023 1:08 am
Kaia wrote a review...



Heyo, alpaca!
You certainly weren't wrong when you said you were going through a dark writing phase! But don't worry. I'm not judging you. I LOOOOVVVVEEE dark writing when it has at least some control which I believe you have. :) The very thing I am writing has a bit of this kind of stuff in it.

I can't criticize you're work here: its too relatable and intense. So, all I've got are compliments. :)

Usually when I read poetry, I struggle with understanding it. But this was so well written that I could sit back and forget I was reading a poem. All I had to do was read a line and a mental image instantly popped into my mind. :) I don't really know how you do it. It's really admirable. You tell a whole story here and you dont even use a complete sentence! You've certainly got some magic under the keys you type with. ;)

You also definately have a way of making the reader instantly sympathize with the character. You make the reader just want to step into the poem and tell her how beautiful she truly is. Poor girl.

Here's my one critique: Put this under a 12+ or 16+ tag!! I guess it's kinda my personal opinion here, but the rules say to put serious stuff under a 12+ tag, and this is definately on the darker side of things. ;)

Okay, that's it! Hope you have an excellent day!
-Kaia




alpacaboss says...


Thank you so much for your review and encouragement! I really appreciate it :D

I'm happy to know that my writing is improving at least in drawing people in the story :)



Kaia says...


Glad to spread encouragement and motivation to you. :)



User avatar
119 Reviews

Points: 1000
Reviews: 119

Donate
Fri Jun 16, 2023 3:16 pm
View Likes
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!

I feel as if this poem could be interpreted in two ways:

1.) The speaker has done things in the past that they try to hide. Their past self is the “her” that they try to scratch out, to get rid of, but it is no use because they end up scarred.
2.) The speaker looks like someone who has done horrible things (I assume their mother), and vows to never be like her (“ I swore never to be like her / To imitate any part of her /But if my face was like her /I cannot get rid of her.”)

I like the imagery you’ve used, especially in the descriptions of the wet hair and the claws.

I found myself staring

At unrelenting eyes

Intense, fierce, angry

And overly tired eyes.

*

Time stood still

It was me, myself, and I

Vulnerable, unclothed

Meeting eye to eye.


To me, this feels like a trauma response. I remember something I’ve seen in a show where a character looks in the mirror, but he realizes that he looks like someone who’s hurt him, so in a panic he cuts his hair.

Keep up the good work!
—GengarIsBestBoy




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for the review! Actually, I wrote this poem in the context of the second interpretation, but the first interpretation works really well too :)

Glad you enjoyed it!




Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore