~ relatable random musings ~
< gentle pensive music playing in the background while reading is encouraged >
~~~
~~~
Entry 1:
What did they do to you?
Why did the light of your eyes go out?
Who is it that stripped you of your joy,
Making you struggle to reach the bare minimum?
~~~
I would do anything
To bring light back in your cold eyes
That were once kind and bright
Full of love and curiosity
~~~
Do you want me to shower you with gifts?
Or have long talks that last the night?
Perhaps a good hug would do or a sweet letter?
Maybe I can lend a hand to your tasks?
~~~
Please don't shut me out.
I'm only here to help.
Please. Please. Please.
This is not you.
~~~
~~~
Entry 2:
I feel bad
Because I don't know
If the number of people
I truly care for
And love deeply
Is the same number of people
Who love and care
For me
As much as I do for them.
Perhaps I'm being selfish,
Am I?
~~~
~~~
Note: Entries are unrelated to each other.
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Canary word: Present
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Hey there! I am once again, stopping by for another review of this lovely poetry of yours. Let's jump right in!
I know you just joined the site last year, which really blows me away how much amazing poetry you've posted in just a year!
This entire second entry stood out to me so much. You state that you're unsure if the amount of people that you love is the same as the amount of people who love you. That is such a relatable feeling, because sometimes I feel like I give so much into loving people and trying my best to make them like me, but they don't give me back the same amount of love that I give them, which makes me question if they even love me at all. It can be exhausting and tiring and make you really hate yourself, so thank you so much for capturing it so well and such a short poem or entry. At the end, you've start to question if you are selfish, or feeling this way, although all you deserve is the same love and affection that you give to others. I relate so deeply to your words. In terms of the actual content, I love the simple tone that you use, and the simple words. It's not overly complex and it's some thing that I can really read easily and stay focused on. Fantastic work and have a great day!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hi, I really enjoyed reading your work. After I read it, I scrolled quickly through it over and over again and let the words flash in my eyes: "I truly care"/"I feel bad"/"Please"/"Don't shut me out".
I love these "musings" you wrote. I've thought similar thoughts. They were there in my head, but I never knew how to put them into words.
In Entry 2, I like the short and choppier lines because, to me, they convey desperation. It's a desperation similar to when the main character of a dystopian book starts going a bit insane thinking about all the lies they've believed and then wondering what's true or not.
Nothing particularly stood out to me as an area of improvement.
I do hope you continue publishing more of your musings.
Thank you for your review!
Glad that entry 2 gives a sense of desperation. It kind does
Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!
even though they are not connected they seem like they could be, kind of like a story.
I wish you a good day/night!
General Impression:
I think both of these poems are very nice and have a lot of meaning
What I Liked:
In the first poem: i liked the level of imagery! The use of metaphors strengthens the emotions of the piece and makes the speaker seem more desperate
In the second poem: in contrast with the first, i like that this poem has less figurativeness. It also gives a desperate tone, but in a different sense
Areas of Improvement:
In the first poem: the last stanza feels a bit weaker than the others, maybe because it is a bit shorter than the others. It could be improved by having longer lines
In the second poem: i feel that the choppyness of the poem may disrupt its flow; it could be improved by combining shorter lines into one
I hope my review could be helpful.
—GengarIsBestBoy
Thanks for your review!
Entry 1 is supposed to have a weak ending, symbolizing that the narrator is at their wits end on how to comfort their friend. Their pleas seem feeble, weak, and sorry, even.
Entry 2, I did intended for this to be choppy, but it would be interesting to see if its more flowing, noh?
About entry 2: It's amazing how much I relate to this. Far too hard.