Young Writers Society

Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I ma here to send another review/comment on another poem about tortoises. By the way, I think they are really cute. It changed how I viewed tortoises. I view them now as cute animals because before, I just think they are normal animals I don't admire. Thanks to you and @OrabellaAvenue <33 I might be late to review this but I don't care about your poems are great! Plus, the message of this one is good too.

What is so admirable

About the tortoise?

What makes it worthy

For us to hear its voice?

Here are three facts

You should know

About this creature

Patient and slow.

They have inspired

The Romans in war

To make the iconic testudo

Helping their armies go far.

Tortoises are also smart

Put them inside a maze

And they’ll get out soon,

A feat that will amaze.

Most of all, tortoises

Live quite long

Even if they take it slow

They are quite strong.

There are many traits

Of this creature

That will benefit us in

The present and future.

We must be wise,

Sharp and intelligent

Be an inspiration for others

And help them all we can.

We must run the race

Slow but steady

To make sure we finish

Well and greatly.

So thank you, dear tortoise

For the lessons you show

May you be a reminder

For us to steadily grow.

Hi there alpacaboss! I am great fan of this great tortoise poem - it's a wonderful tribute to the Great Tortoise Race closing up and was a fun read! And very fitting that I think this will be my last needed review of the Great Tortoise Race!

I like how you took this concept of giving 3 clear facts / strengths of tortoises and then were able to apply those how humans ought to live - the second half of the poem where you apply those traits to humans was unexpected but added a nice unique layer to the piece.

Your rhyme scheme of ABCB throughout was consistent the only one where I wasn't quite sure of how well the rhymes worked was in the second to last stanza "steady" and "greatly" is quite a bit of a stretch. peppy or ready might be better rhymes with "steady" just as a couple suggestions.

Another suggestion - there were a few places in your poem that I thought could have really benefited from some regular punctuation for clarity / flow.

Tortoises are also smart

Put them inside a maze

We must be wise,

Sharp and intelligent

Be an inspiration for others

And help them all we can.

So thank you, dear tortoise

For the lessons you show

Hello! This is a random weirdo here with a review.

Now we have two competitors for the Great Tortoise Literary Work Contest: you and me. And I've got to say; with this incredible work, my own chances of winning have grown very slim. But I've read a lot of your works, as well as this one, and I know you more than deserve to win. I wish you luck!

The fun facts are fun. I had no idea they inspired Romans, or were that smart. Tortoises really are awesome, and your poem perfectly portrays that. It's also nice that you mention the race. It is a tortoise race after all.

As for grammar, I didn't see anything that was wrong (of course I'm not really good at looking for it, so don't trust me on that).

The rhymes that you have are good choices, and it's nice that not every line rhymes with another. With lines this short, it would sound very clunky.

The last stanza makes a perfect ending for this, and I like the way you address the tortoise and thank them.

In all, this is an amazing poem, and I love reading your work.

Good luck, and keep writing!

Hello! Ari here.

I thought it was interesting how you listed all the different attributes of the tortoise in your poem, like how they inspired the Romans to build the testudo. I didn't know that! It's clear that you did your research.
I also didn't know that tortoises could solve mazes, although I suppose it makes sense. But I don't think they'd be able to do it very quickly XD
Overall, I really like the formatting you chose with the four-line stanzas. It helped break the poem up well and made it easy to distinguish when you changed subjects. Plus, most of them rhyme, which is no easy feat!

Great poem, I hope you write more in the future! Have a wonderful day!

Hm....the alpaca is writing about tortoises, now? Hm....that seems a bit odd.

Well, let's get into it, shall we? I wouldn't be surprised if you did a bit of research for this one. I didn't know about the Romans or the intelligence of the tortoises. Im not surprised...something that has lived that long certainly must have quite the wisdom and intelligence. I wonder, though, I there such a thing as a competition between tortoises to see which one can get out of a maze faster...

I think this was probably my favorite part:
Most of all, tortoises

Live quite long

Even if they take it slow

They are quite strong.

That, as you pointed out is really the greatest lesson anyone can learn from a tortoise.

Okay...I do have a few critiques. The first one is rhythm. So, I've noticed that a lot of your poems don't have much rhythm to them. But I really think that could add a lighthearted aspect to this poem if you tried adding some rhythm. You obviously already have some rhyme which is nice. It adds cute side to it, but I'd recommend having the same rhyme scheme throughout instead of having only a few stanzas rhyme. That's just my personal take on this. Of course, though this is your poem, so do with it as youd like.
I'm just giving you a suggestion.

This part was interesting...

What makes it worthy

For us to hear its voice?