What is so admirable
About the tortoise?
What makes it worthy
For us to hear its voice?
*
Here are three facts
You should know
About this creature
Patient and slow.
*
They have inspired
The Romans in war
To make the iconic testudo
Helping their armies go far.
*
Tortoises are also smart
Put them inside a maze
And they’ll get out soon,
A feat that will amaze.
*
Most of all, tortoises
Live quite long
Even if they take it slow
They are quite strong.
*
There are many traits
Of this creature
That will benefit us in
The present and future.
*
We must be wise,
Sharp and intelligent
Be an inspiration for others
And help them all we can.
*
We must run the race
Slow but steady
To make sure we finish
Well and greatly.
*
So thank you, dear tortoise
For the lessons you show
May you be a reminder
For us to steadily grow.
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138,251 Literary Works • 672,090 Reviews
Hello again! I stumbled upon this lovely poem of yours, which is a little bit older, and decided to stop by for review too! Let's jump right into the review, and not waste a moment of time:
So, in this poem, you talk about the wonderful creature called the tortoise. You give us three interesting facts about the tortoise before reflecting a bit upon its nature. The facts were very interesting, and I find that your words flow well. But my favorite stanzas were the last two, we talk about the tortoise, and that traditional, slow and steady, wins the race quote.
I love how you say that slow and steady equals well and greatly. I love that! And then you spend this last Danza, thinking the tortoise for lessons, said it taught us, although it's slow, it moves steady and teaches us. Great things. You state that the tortoise can be as symbol for steadily growing, which is something that I really believe in! I love the growth of this poem too. That feels kind of symbolic, going from these quotes and building up and building up until we finally get to the grand finish of thanking the tortoise. I also did notice that you had a bit of a rhyme scheme, and some verses. Not throughout the entire thing, but there were some rhymes, which I did enjoy! I find that you do this in a lot of your poetry, which is pretty cool, and I really admire your ability to do that so well. Overall, this poem was slow and steady, and really got a great point across. Fantastic work, and keep writing! Have a fantastic day.
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I ma here to send another review/comment on another poem about tortoises. By the way, I think they are really cute. It changed how I viewed tortoises. I view them now as cute animals because before, I just think they are normal animals I don't admire. Thanks to you and @OrabellaAvenue <33 I might be late to review this but I don't care about your poems are great! Plus, the message of this one is good too.
This is a good start of a entry of a poem. Questioning why are tortoises so admirable and why should we like them?
There should be a period "." or a comma "," after the third line. They are patient and slow. No matter how life is so slow, we keep our anger lowly, have a understanding and loving heart and a great amount of patience. Like a tortoise, a patient creature.
It is good that you have mentioned a little bit of history to educate people here too. It suits the message too.
Tortoises are smart and wise. They might be slow but they are careful each step they take. Like in life, no matter how slow some people live, like me, they are careful, smart and wise. I'm not wise and smart though.
The third line should have a comma ",". They may be slow but they conserve strength for whatever is going to happen next. I didn't know they actually live quite long. Thank you for educating me hihi.
It's funny we can learn from characteristics of an animal to move on in life. From today and until we die, their good traits benefit us, human beings.
This is my favorite verse. It gets straight to the point of the message you are trying to tell. Great job on writing this!
We can be slow, just be sure we know which path are we going to and we learn and we are careful of what goes next. Life is not a race but sometimes it feels like it. But we don't have to rush and enjoy every single moment we are experiencing right now. And it's fine if we don't win, at least we did it well and greatly.
This is great for an ending. You are thanking tortoises that you have learnt a lot from them. By just observing their behavior, even if they don't understand you and you do not understand them, you learn from them very well.
Over all, I love the messages of this poem. You had a few errors though, I hope you have time to fix that. Keep it up! Have a wonderful day/night!
Thanks for your review! Will try to fix the grammatical errors when I have time
Have a great day/night!
You're welcome!
Hi there alpacaboss! I am great fan of this great tortoise poem - it's a wonderful tribute to the Great Tortoise Race closing up and was a fun read! And very fitting that I think this will be my last needed review of the Great Tortoise Race!
I like how you took this concept of giving 3 clear facts / strengths of tortoises and then were able to apply those how humans ought to live - the second half of the poem where you apply those traits to humans was unexpected but added a nice unique layer to the piece.
Your rhyme scheme of ABCB throughout was consistent the only one where I wasn't quite sure of how well the rhymes worked was in the second to last stanza "steady" and "greatly" is quite a bit of a stretch. peppy or ready might be better rhymes with "steady" just as a couple suggestions.
Another suggestion - there were a few places in your poem that I thought could have really benefited from some regular punctuation for clarity / flow.
(would put a period after "smart")
I'd throw a few more commas in there.
Would put a period after "show".
Overall even with the rhyme scheme being kept up I felt it was pretty easy to understand each stanza - these lines gave me a little bit of pause: "What makes it worthy / For us to hear its voice?" Something about this phrasing is a little clunky and doesn't flow quite as well as the other lines.
My favorite stanza is probably the last one where you address the tortoise as the speaker and give a final blessing to the readers.
This is a "feel-good" piece that takes a twist on a simple concept and is a good reminder of how amazing tortoises really are. Thanks for writing and sharing!
alliyah
Thank you for your review @alliyah! Really appreciate all the feedback, it does help me improve
Hello! This is a random weirdo here with a review.
I had no idea they inspired Romans, or were that smart. Tortoises really are awesome, and your poem perfectly portrays that. It's also nice that you mention the race. It is a tortoise race after all.
Now we have two competitors for the Great Tortoise Literary Work Contest: you and me. And I've got to say; with this incredible work, my own chances of winning have grown very slim. But I've read a lot of your works, as well as this one, and I know you more than deserve to win. I wish you luck!
The fun facts are fun.
As for grammar, I didn't see anything that was wrong (of course I'm not really good at looking for it, so don't trust me on that).
The rhymes that you have are good choices, and it's nice that not every line rhymes with another. With lines this short, it would sound very clunky.
The last stanza makes a perfect ending for this, and I like the way you address the tortoise and thank them.
In all, this is an amazing poem, and I love reading your work.
Good luck, and keep writing!
Hello fellow competitor and tortoise! I read your work as well and it is a lovely and humorous poem. I think our chances are equal in regards to winning so wishing you all the best!
Thank you too for your review! I really appreciate it
Thank you for your review! Have a great day/night!
Hm....the alpaca is writing about tortoises, now? Hm....that seems a bit odd.
I wonder, though, I there such a thing as a competition between tortoises to see which one can get out of a maze faster...
Well, let's get into it, shall we? I wouldn't be surprised if you did a bit of research for this one. I didn't know about the Romans or the intelligence of the tortoises. Im not surprised...something that has lived that long certainly must have quite the wisdom and intelligence.
I think this was probably my favorite part:
Most of all, tortoises
Live quite long
Even if they take it slow
They are quite strong.
That, as you pointed out is really the greatest lesson anyone can learn from a tortoise.
Okay...I do have a few critiques. The first one is rhythm. So, I've noticed that a lot of your poems don't have much rhythm to them. But I really think that could add a lighthearted aspect to this poem if you tried adding some rhythm. You obviously already have some rhyme which is nice. It adds cute side to it, but I'd recommend having the same rhyme scheme throughout instead of having only a few stanzas rhyme. That's just my personal take on this. Of course, though this is your poem, so do with it as youd like.
I'm just giving you a suggestion.
This part was interesting...
At first I thought you were talking about a real voice, but now I'm beginning to think your talking about giving it attention, because as far as I'm aware, tortoises don't have a voice. So I translate this as a figurative voice. Like IF a tortoise could speak, what lessons it would teach.
But I thought this part threw me off just a little too much because the rest of it is stating true facts...But maybe tortoises do have a voice. I don't know. XD
Okay, that's it or this one. Nice writing, Alpaca! Keep up the great work!
-Kaia
P.S. nice cover pic.
Thanks for you for your review! Yes, the rhythm is something I need to improve on when it comes to my writings HAHAHA
Really appreciate the critique
Have a great day/night!
Sure! Glad to help out a fellow TORTOISE!!