I was once a thriving lake.
Creatures flocked to my waters
And I let them take and take
From animals to flowers.
***
Children frolicked around my rim.
Men would reel in fish from me.
Flowers the women would trim
Will whisper byes, quick and free.
***
I freely gave from my heart
With people’s love in return.
Generosity is art,
One that easily takes a turn.
***
Winter came in a swift way.
Ripples froze to icy sheets.
Numbness crept in all these days;
My mind began to taunt me.
***
“You were never important.
Others are better than you.
You should have done this and that.
Yes, their love was never true.”
***
I couldn’t feel anything.
Even if fish swam below.
My bad feelings were growing
And the cheerful ones were gone.
***
Was it insecurity
That’s debilitating me
Or is it one of envy,
Others overpower me?
***
Whatever it was, I feel
Worthlessness and sheer numbness.
Will this nightmare end for real
Or will I stay in this darkness?
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Wow! I love the raw emotion in trapped within the verses of this poem. The metaphor/symbol of a frozen lake gives the reader liberty to connect these words to their own life in different ways.
Each line has a deep meaning in it, and the 'numb' feeling is emphasized just enough.
The rhyme scheme, though not uniform in every stanza, is compelling; the word choice is consistent. Wonderfully written!
"Frozen Lake" by alpacaboss is a poem that captivates with its evocative imagery and poignant exploration of emotions. The narrative vividly describes a once-thriving lake that provided life to creatures and joy to people. The metaphor of the lake freezing over during winter becomes a powerful symbol for the protagonist's emotional journey. As the lake becomes numb and isolated, the poem delves into themes of self-doubt, insecurity, and the impact of envy on one's self-worth. The personification of the lake's feelings makes it relatable and engaging, inviting readers to reflect on their own inner struggles. The contrast between the lake's vibrant past and its desolate present is skillfully portrayed, creating a thought-provoking narrative that prompts introspection. "Frozen Lake" takes readers on a journey from abundance to emptiness, conveying a sense of despair that gradually gives way to resolution, making it a compelling and emotionally charged piece of writing.
Thanks for your vivid and wonderful review! Appreciate it
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's go:
The Good Stuff: This, I believe, has very beautiful themes that I can find residing within many people. No matter how much we love and give and bring joy, sometimes we fail to find it within ourselves. That my friend, is the gift of the gospel. Based on your PFP however, I can guess you're already saved, so I hope God blesses you in bounties!
Things To Work On: I've done poetry a bit myself, but I am definitely more of a novelist. Your work is beautiful, and I really don't have anything to say about how you can improve, except for this small grammatical error:
'I couldn’t feel anything.
Even if fish swam below.'
I believe the first punctuation mark was meant to be a comma and not a period.
Personal Thoughts: Great work! I love the deeper meanings and the beautifully crafted personification of the lake; it's like a little cherry on the top. Amazing!
Happy writing!
-Serrurie
thanks for your review! this little poem came from a sad me a few days ago. but I like how you inserted the Gospel here. The more we give, the more the Lord will fill us to give more.
God bless you!
This poem is deep, and has a deep meaning behind it. I understand it so well.
thanks, guys!