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A Ticking Bomb

by alpacaboss

A small flat box

With a screen of glass

Tantalizing lights

Captivating to the eye

There’s a small world

Inside its four corners

So big and vast

Yet small in the hand

What a world it is!

Information in a snap

Communication in a flash

Your order is its command

How can such a world

Ideal and pristine

Become a place of hate,

Anger and disease?

Slowly it controls us

It takes over our lives

Like a marionette

We sway with its trends

Soon thereafter

It reveals its true nature

Exploding with lies

Shattering the self

This beautiful perfect world

Like delectable turkish delight

Ultimately destroys us within

And leads us to our demise

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22 Reviews

Points: 68
Reviews: 22

Mon Jul 10, 2023 6:24 am
epotts1 wrote a review...

I ultimately love this piece. I love the wording and the imagery i got from this line
"So big and vast

Yet small in the hand

What a world it is!"

"Slowly it controls us

It takes over our lives

Like a marionette

We sway with its trends" i love this part because if I don't have my phone near me i have to go get it. If i have a message I have to check it. It's no longer a want but a need. It's almost considered a compulsion or addiction. This is an amazing work. Please keep writing, I'd like to hear more.

alpacaboss says...

Thank you so much for your review and encouragements! It means a lot for someone who wants to publish a book someday hehe :D

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59 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 59

Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:48 am
TheCornDogEnthusiast wrote a review...

This poem is a perfect representation of the darker side of the Earth currently. It's just a ticking bomb, that at any moment could ruin all around it. The mention of control and a marionette is unclear who might be the one in control. Perhaps the evil people on this planet making living conditions worse? I don't know.
The various words to describe the Earth are spot on. Such as anger, disease, demise, lies, hate. And if you notice, there's more words against the Earth than for it. Words like ideal and pristine show the reader what the Earth could be, but instead it can be cruel and unforgiving.
This is the best comparison to the world crumbling. The wording, the truth of it all just makes it so...well put.

Approved by the Corn Dog Enthusiasts Association (CDEA)

alpacaboss says...

Thank you for your review! The poem actually revolves around technology, the internet, and the like. But comparing it to the world is also a nice perspective, so thanks for that! :D

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32 Reviews

Points: 243
Reviews: 32

Wed May 24, 2023 12:23 am
julia002 says...

User avatar
32 Reviews

Points: 243
Reviews: 32

Wed May 24, 2023 12:10 am
julia002 wrote a review...

I love the conversation around phones, social media, modern technology, etc. I try to take breaks from my phone, and it really is an addiction. My anxiety gets worse when I think about how attached I am to it, *I* feel like a "ticking bomb" because of my phone.
I like how you started out confident and positive in a way and then ends in a very humbling melancholy way.
Overall I liked the idea of this poem, but I wish you got into specifics more. everything seems very short and vague to me. There are some parts that feel unnecessary like "big and vast" "ideal and pristine" that feels like you are just listing adjectives that mean the same thing. I tend to do this too in my writing. I liked this piece and love to see more people talking about the dangers of these boxes in our hands!

alpacaboss says...

Thank you for your review! Will take your suggestions into consideration. :)

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172 Reviews

Points: 34172
Reviews: 172

Sun May 21, 2023 12:49 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...

Aloha @alpacaboss,

I just read your poem, "A Thickening Bomb," and I wanted to tell you how much it resonated with me. The way you described the impact of technology in our lives was really powerful, and I could easily relate to it.

You painted a picture of a small flat box with a glass screen that grabs our attention with its enticing lights. It's like a whole world inside that little device, so big and vast, yet it fits right in our hands. It's amazing how we can access information and communicate instantly with just a few taps.

But then you showed how this world can turn dark. It slowly starts controlling us, like we're puppets on strings, following its trends. Eventually, its true nature is revealed, and it's not pretty. Lies explode, and our sense of self shatters. It's like a delicious treat that ends up destroying us from the inside and leading us to our downfall.

Your poem made me think about how technology can have both positive and negative effects on us. It's easy to get caught up in its allure, but we need to be mindful of its darker side.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I must say that you have quite some talent.
Keep on doing what you do!


Red Riddle Rose

alpacaboss says...

Thank you so much for your review!

Roxanne says...

It was my pleasure :-)

You are going to love some of your characters because they are you, or some facet of you, and you are going to hate some characters for the same reason.
— Anne Lamott